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momofwonderboy
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08 Oct 2013, 6:42 pm

Hi There,

I'm a mom of a 7 year old with PDD-NOS. He HATES school. Any and every school we've tried, and although he is very young, we have visited and applied to many special education schools, and now we are in public with an IEP.

Here's my question, if you had a child with PDD-NOS, or Aspergers, would you consider homeschooling? Or Un Schooling?

At school now he spends more than 40% of his day underneath a desk, overwhelmed, or bored, or both.

Would you have had a better experience (assuming that is that you may have had a negative one), going to a weekly homeschool Co-op, then pursuing your own interests on your own the rest of the week?

Or, was there something you did gain from going to a conventional school, that you would not want to have missed out on?

Thank you, in advance, for any and all opinions.



questor
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08 Oct 2013, 7:54 pm

I should have been home schooled! Regular school, and the special school I went to for several years were both hell! Unfortunately, decades ago, home schooling was only done for those who were ill, or lived to far out in the country, or for religious reasons, not for "behavioral or emotional" problems, which is what we on the spectrum were usually diagnosed as having. There is no benefit to be had from forcing your miserable kid into a traditional school setting. He is obviously not learning anything, so stop tormenting him. Teach him at home, and have those weekly home school co-op visits, too. You can provide him with alternate sources of social contact by taking him to zoos, museums, libraries, and other interesting places. When he is older, and ready for it, you can enter him into some form of athletic program, although I would recommend starting with martial arts, as that will help him more than any other sport. It will teach him how to deal with bullies, and how to protect himself, while also providing social contact, and the health benefits of physical activity.

There are a number of home school curricula available out there, including some for kids on the spectrum. You can find them online. I was curious about it a while back, so I did check it out myself, even though I don't have kids. I didn't save the links, though, so I can't post them here, but there definitely were some for kids on the spectrum. So have mercy on your kid, and check it out.

Hope this helps! :D



momofwonderboy
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08 Oct 2013, 9:54 pm

Thanks very much for your reply. As a parent, without autism, its difficult for me to understand what my son needs to be nudged to do, and what is of little benefit to be nudged towards.

As a parent of a child on the spectrum you become surrounded by psychiatrists, physicians, speech language pathologists, occupational therapists, social workers, special education consultants, special education educators....basically a lot of professionals who try and come to a consensus about who your son is, and what he needs. What "interventions", what "protocols" what support services to put in place. And you wonder, as you look around the table, after a while, who are these people? They are all trying to do the right thing, no doubt, working within their paradigm, working within what we believe we know today.

And because as a parent you want so desperately to do the right thing for your child, you listen. But there's always a nagging voice in my head which says "they don't really know, none of us here really know" what is best for my son. Except for me. But that's a voice that's hard to have confidence in, because their are no do-overs, and I only have a short amount of time with him to do my best work as his mother.

I appreciate you sharing your experience and your thoughtful advice. Its heartbreaking to have to literally, at times, drag your son to school, when all he wants to do is play Minecraft and hero factory, especially when he is so totally awesome at those things!



Sherlock03
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08 Oct 2013, 10:32 pm

My mom home schooled me from 2nd grade to the 12th grade. I believe it benefited me in both education and health. When I was in public school I was constantly picked on by my peers and use to physically collapse from the anxiety of being in that environment. The school environment utterly terrified me, which was something I just couldn't get over. Unfortunately, that old feeling still applies to my current life as I try to earn a college degree. I guess some of us are just not built to be to the norms of everyone else. The funny thing is I have a 4.0 GPA but every day in the classroom feels like the same hell I thought I had left behind as a child.


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Claradoon
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09 Oct 2013, 1:28 am

How I wish Mom could have home-schooled me! I was so bullied that I never went out at recess or lunchtime and I was isolated and still carry the trauma. Also I got straight A's, for whatever that may be worth - nothing, in my opinion. There was nothing to be gained by going to school and much permanent damage inflicted.



droppy
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10 Oct 2013, 7:06 am

My education is partially home-schooling and partially normal schooling, and I am ok with it.

There are some things I'm better at if I study them alone, and others I am better at if they are explained to me by another person with examples, therefore that is the perfect combo for me.



momofwonderboy
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10 Oct 2013, 8:43 am

Yes, I'm going to look into part time homeschooling and part time regular, I'll see if we can do that in our school district.

We'll give them until the end of the semester, and if they can't make him feel safe enough to be curious and engaged, we'll homeschool.



zacb
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10 Oct 2013, 10:13 am

I think it is very beneficial, and allows them time to explore their special interests. Having said that, here are some things to note:

-Unless you yourself are good at math, try and find a tutor or something. (especially in Algebra).

-English, at least at my college, was not as bad as school English. Teach the basics, and they should be good.

-Science is another one of those things. Depending on the style, you can decide what you want to teach (homeschooling vs unschooling).

-Include some of their interest in their school as they get older.

And in general, try and open up socializing opportunities. If they want to visit a hackerspace, do it, or a farm, etc. . Try and get them out there. I did this mostly through volunteering at a computer store. But overall, I think it is a good thing. (I was home educated from 4-12th grade.)



momofwonderboy
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10 Oct 2013, 11:42 am

Hi, Yes of course, very good points. He has a math and phonics tutor, we understand just by doing homework with him now that he doesn't like mom and dad being his teachers! We've found the best approach to be more mentors, helping him with projects, etc.

I do volunteer work myself every week, so I think thats a great point you bring up. Its a way to get engaged in a community that has a common interest or goal.

I will always make sure the homeschooling, unschooling, or regular schooling is his choice as he gets older, and that he is welcome to try out regular school again if he wants.

Hopefully he'll settle in and enjoy a bit more, and we're pushing very hard to get him a 1:1 Aide at his school, although that seems to be unlikely given our school district and their track record.



zacb
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10 Oct 2013, 4:54 pm

Great :D ! Keep up the good work! I don't know your political persuasion, but the libertarian home schooler on facebook has good info on unschooling. Best of luck!



zacb
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10 Oct 2013, 5:00 pm

Great :D ! Keep up the good work! I don't know your political persuasion, but the libertarian home schooler on facebook has good info on unschooling. Best of luck!



momofwonderboy
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12 Oct 2013, 7:55 am

Thanks, I'll look into that. I'm open to unschooling as well, so that will be useful. In terms of political persuasion, I think we'd all be better off at this point becoming libertarian or independents.



EastoftheSun
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24 Oct 2013, 8:31 pm

I was homeschooled, and it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Because I was a bit socially awkward and excessively good at English and absolutely awful at Math, I would have run into a lot of grief at school. I was a part of homeschool groups, activities and other ways where I could socialize in in places where bullying was really well-monitored by the parents. Most of the kids, NT and otherwise, were encouraged to learn what they were interested in so we all ended up kind of odd -- after all, none of us were really pushed to conform like that. Even though I remained undiagnosed, a lot of the steps taken during homeschooling aided me where everything else would not have. It gave me private space, the ability to work at my own pace, and an escape from the terror of deadlines as a child. I was reading college level by 6th grade and repeating math EVERY YEAR and that was actually okay. It was me, so we figured out new ways to learn things. I did go to school for my junior and senior year, but it was college dual-enrollment program, so I don't know if that counts.

Anyway, for a kid who is pretty sensitive to negative emotions with the inability to conform, homeschooling is a really, really, really good thing. You never have to completely conform, and that's a GOOD thing. At the risk of waxing eloquent, I also learned that education is a lifelong process -- you don't spend a portion of your time learning and a portion of your time living. Living IS learning, and if you're not learning while you live, then you're not living. School teaches kids that learning is something we do when we're not living -- that living happens between school days and between classes. Homeschooling neatly avoids that trap, and sets a child up for a lifetime of educational enrichment.