Parenting a 16yo on the spectrum.

Post Reply New Topic

Hey guys! Just to give you a little background, my wife and I just took in two teen boys from foster care. We are still learning about their family history and their personalities. We do know the oldest was given the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. My background is in early intervention with kids on the ASD spectrum, so I'm used to working with kiddos that are birth to five. This young man, not unlike many I know, "scripts" constantly. Repeating sometimes entire movies from memory. This is not necessarily an issue, however, he often starts scripting rather loudly right in the middle of a conversation that my wife and I might be having with another, or even him. It is very frustrating to try to talk with him about something only to have him start loudly quoting from a video game or movie at the same time I am attempting to talk with him. Do any of you have any advice on how to address this issue? I know that kids with his diagnosis tend to be very sensitive to criticism, so I don't want to come across harsh.. any thoughts? Thanks in advance!

Like all children, they have to learn how to take control and be responsible for their own actions.

You can deal with such a situation as it occurs without a confrontation.

1. "Are you aware that you are speaking at an inappropriate time?"
2. "Are you having difficulty holding what you want to say to a more appropriate time?"
3. "Could you stop speaking for a count of five (later increased to 10, 20, 30)?"

If a child is not aware he is off-track, he needs to be informed and helped to sharpen his observational skills.

If a child knows he is off-track but lacks the ability or will to control it, he needs to sharpen his control skills. This can start with even just the slightest control and then advanced to increasingly greater control.

It may be more effective to take a typical, "You have done something wrong and your shame and embarrassment should motivate you to be more careful in the future" moment and change it into a "Whoops, you let that one slip by, You want to take another stab at it" moment.

It's hard to give advice about how to handle the situation unless you know why he's quoting movies and video games (it's different if he's stimming vs. trying to communicate with you or participate in conversations).

Have you asked him why he does it? Or told him that, if he's trying to say something specific using borrowed words, you don't understand what it is that he's trying to say? I suggest you start by asking him about his scripting.

This could be a type of vocal stim, or a pragmatic speech issue.

For the first, look at and mitigate stress factors. Then teach him to identify them so he can mitigate them. Also teach that there is a time and a place or stims or self-calming; that time and place will usually be home, his "safe" place.

For the second, working with a speech therapist will prove extremely helpful.

Meantime, simply agree upon a non-verbal and unobtrusive signal. Let him help decide what that will be. Explain to him that you enjoy listening to him, but it has to be at the right time. To help him know when its the wrong time, or when he has talked too long, you'd like to use a signal. When my son was young we would make T signs with our hands for when he was talking too long and going on too many tangents (signal for, "wrap it up, quickly"), and if he was stimming too loudly in class (he was into clicking pens) the teacher would walk to his desk and put her hand on a specfic corner. Both worked really well. You don't want to turn this into a battle or an embarrassing situation; you just want to help him and clue him in.

He's 16, maybe he doesn't want to listen to you. Maybe he's purposely trying to drown you out (since it's happening during conversations) or maybe he doesn't like the content of what you're talking about.

It sounds more avoidant than just a pure stim. It could be that there is an emotional component to you and your wife's conversation that makes him uncomfortable. I think whether you make him highly aware of the social etiquette transgression depends on how high functioning he is, i.e. what will be gained, can he learn from the lesson. If yes than a substitute coping technique that is less offensive to others might be a good thing to teach him. If not the advice will just be a useless criticism at a time when he probably needs to form a closer bond with you...