My three (or four) dates....

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So the last woman I met, whom I went on two dates with, finally responded to my text. She said she thought I was an amazing person, but she's decided to focus on family and friends.

Well heck can't I be a friend at least? I'm not giving up. So I wrote her back an earnest reply telling her that I would be there for her, and I would support her and we should keep in touch. I'm really going to work hard on this one, and prove to her I'm worthy of her. I just KNOW this could work, and she could finally be my first REAL relationship, if only I can convince her I'm worth taking a chance on. I'm gonna work hard and make something good happen!

..............

I know, I know I should take a hint and move on, but she's worth it. I'm gonna go for broke, especially if she might be the one.

And what happens when the real "one" comes around and you're too focused on a girl who has clearly rejected you to notice?



You might think I'm giving you s**t but I've been in the exact same situation and mindset as you. Nothing good can come of this..........

She was trying to be nice about it. The more you keep pressing, the lower her opinion of you will get. It would be best to cut ties. Tell her you appreciated the opportunity to get to know her, that you wish her all the best in life, and move on. That message that you sent does reveal one thing (that I already pretty much knew): you are trying WAYY too hard. You seem to be under the impression that the more work you put in to developing a relationship with someone, the more chance it has of succeeding. Unfortunately that is not how it works...there is a "critical threshold" beyond which your advances or contact will come across as clingy, desperate, bothersome, or even creepy. Very important not to get too familiar too soon.

I think that what you should do with the next person you meet is just to convince yourself that they are not "the one", and that they mean nothing to you. Then just go out with them and try to have a nice time, but don't treat them any more special than you would a co-worker, or even a stranger off the street (since that's kind of what they are after only a date or two).

I've tried that before but it has backfired on me as well...they find someone else because I wasn't proactive enough. There was one woman whom I was SO, SO close to making it happen with. We took it slow building a friendship, because we were separated by distance, but finally I finished school and came home and was determined to make it work...only to learn she'd found somebody through a blind date a few weeks earlier. In six more months they were engaged. All because I didn't act fast enough.

Isn't it better to make it clear you're interested and to really show how much you care, to try and really convince the other person you're the one, that you're worth it? How can I strike that right balance, by not being over eager, yet eager enough to say to the other person, "I'm worthy, give me a chance?"

You all are right, I was being too over eager. It's just the loneliness is getting to me. I just need some kind of contact with somebody.

Anyways, I wrote her another message, apologizing and saying,

"I'm sorry if I was over eager. I just get very lonely and I was excited because I thought I'd found someone. I wish you all the best, you're going to do great doing the work you love and some day I bet you'll find somebody terrific, much, much better than me. Good luck and good bye "

I felt it was important to be honest, that she knows that I'm deluded, that I'm a realist about who I am and just what kind of prospects I offer. It's not much now, but I'm gonna keep trying to get better, to fix all the things that are wrong about me, and try to be a better person, the kind who would deserve the love of another person. I'll just keep on pushing ahead and trying.

And thanks for everyone's help. I'm really, really trying to be more positive, to take this advice to heart, and to remake myself into the kind of person a woman will love, so when I find her, I'll be ready

The key word here is "two". It's not just about proving yourself to be good enough for her; you also have to decide if she's someone you like.