Ideas for Adults w/ Asp. Support group topics?

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Hello all,

I recently started a support group for adults with Aspergers. I am looking for ideas on topics to discuss with both the Aspies and the family group (they are separate groups).

The first topic we had was self-esteem, the 3 Aspies that showed up to that group didn't seem very interested in the topic and only occasionally offered their own thoughts and opinions. The family group had 8 people and did very well, not needing any encouragement to talk or discuss. I guess since I am NT, I just felt a little discouraged by the Aspie group not looking like they were into anything I was talking about or any of the questions I was asking.

I know they want to talk about employment, how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend, and how to become independent, but I feel it is important to discuss things like self-esteem, depression, anger management, goal-setting, etc., before moving on to outward goals like a significant other, keeping a job and maintaining good relationships. But then again, the group is for them not me, so should I just discuss whatever topic they want, in no particular order?

Also, my brother is an adult Aspie and the main reason for me starting this group and I really want it to work! I just feel a little lost. :-/

I actually have a series on my blog called "Care and Feeding of your Aspie"... I discuss many topics that may be good for this kind of thing... my blog is "HERE

Relationships would be a good topic to discuss.

I don't know if self-esteem issues are the biggest problem Aspergians face, overall. You'd have to do some serious polling, I guess.

I have certainly had issues over the years with the way others treat me, and being socially inept is frustrating and depressing in the extreme - I was painfully aware even as a kid, that the fact that I was not like other kids my age was disappointing to my parents - however, I never felt personally that I was in any way inferior. It was their problem they didn't get me, not mine.

Point being, negatively judging yourself for being whatever you perceive yourself to be is a lot different than being frustrated and depressed because others are judging you unfairly.

You'll often see this reflected here on WP by posters opining "I HATE my AS!" or "I HATE being the way I am," rather than "I hate myself" or "I hate WHO I am." Once you're diagnosed and know what the problem is, you don't have to beat yourself up for being a loser anymore, because it isn't YOU that's the problem, it's a neurological dysfunction causing all the chaos. It might seem a minor distinction to some, but when you're struggling with a lifelong handicap, it's a critical difference in perspective.

I agree with Willard, and I couldn't have said it better myself.

Is there a reason you think those topics (ie. self-esteem, depression, anger mangement, etc) are important to the people who came to the group? I'm just curious if they mentioned having problems with those things or if they are concerns you have. Try to bear in mind that people with Asperger's vary a great deal in terms of their own unique strengths and challenges. Those strengths and challenges may or may not be like the ones your brother has.

I think that if you want to foster self-esteem, giving people the chance to take an active role in the planning and direction of their group would be helpful in doing that. They're adults and, chances are, they'd like opportunities to feel like adults as much as possible.



I think so, yeah. It sounds like your role is basically that of a moderator or facilitator. I sometimes attend meetings of my local GRASP chapter and GRASP groups are peer-run, but the format is typically just that we have a facilitator who sort of leads the discussion and adds some structure by making sure everyone who wants to is getting the chance to participate, people aren't interrupting each other, etc. But, other than that, it's just an open forum. Sometimes we keep to a topic we agree upon beforehand; other times it's just focused on whatever is on someone's mind on a given day.

Another thing to bear in mind is that a lot of people come to AS support groups purely for the chance to get to meet others like themselves and connect a bit. A lot of us rarely get the opportunity to do that in our day-to-day lives, other than online. So especially after the group grows and you have more people showing up, there would be value to allowing some 'free time' for people to kind of mingle and get to know each other. Group activities, even if it's just board games or something, can also be a good way to break the ice and get people talking with each other.

Yeah, I think if you're going to do it and make it work, you really need to listen to the needs of the people you work with--not pay attention so much to what you think they need, if that makes sense. Otherwise you'll just have a bunch of people sitting around staring at each other, since rarely do we like to talk about stuff that doesn't interest us.

I would think an Aspie would avoid "group therapy". By definition, it requires socializing. I would not be surprised at all if not many people showed up. A more effective way to do it might be via Skype or something, rather than in person.

Why would we avoid it?

It's not that aspies don't like socializing, don't want to socialize, or even that we can't socialize, it's just that we're not particularly good at doing it, especially with NTs, since we lack any social instincts and have to learn NT social behavior by rote.
I'd imagine that it'd be a lot easier with fellow aspies, given that in such a situation there'd be no pressure to act 'nomal' or conform to NT social conventions and expectations.
No one would fault us or judge us for all our little autistic quirks, like NTs so often do.


Myself, I highly enjoy socializing, and even though I'm not the best at it and it can be draining after a while, I've spent enough time doing so and watching others do so that I've developed a repitoire of behaviors and responses for casual social interactions so most of the time I can deal with it fairly well, and even come off as relatively natural and normal while doing so much of the time.

Just because we lack social instincts and socialization can be draining and difficult doesn't mean we don't crave that sort of interaction, humans are a social species after all, and with fellow aspies I'd imagine it'd be far less burdensome since it wouldn't require us to be anything other than who and what we really are without the mask some of us have learned over the years and with some difficulty and effort to wear when interacting with NTs.

Frankly, I'd welcome the chance to socialize with fellow aspies because of this.
No having to watch what I say or do for the sake of social propriety, yet still getting to interact socially sounds like a dream come true to me.
That's the whole idea behind creating 'autistic spaces'.

Yes, you should. There are a few of reasons I think this:

1) It's a support group, not a workshop or lecture. My personal opinion is that a facilitator's job is to find out what the group wants to talk about and then enable that discussion to happen as smoothly as possible by asking lots of questions and bridging communication between participants when necessary -- not to decide what the group will talk about and then try to persuade them to talk about it whether they want to or not.

2) It's much more respectful to ask them what's a priority for them than it is to tell them.




3) It's possible that the issues you want to talk about first may have little to no bearing on problems with relationships, employment, or independence that your group participants face. Until they tell you, you can't know for sure exactly what is making it hard for people to find employment, partners, or independence -- and it may not be the same for each person in your group.

4) If issues like self-esteem, managing emotions and not having good goal-setting abilities/habits are underlying issues or complicating factors that make it hard for your group participants to find jobs/partners/independence, I see no reason why you cannot discuss them in context as necessary.

For example, if self-esteem is a problem when it comes to finding romatic partners, it will probably come up if the group starts talking about what makes it hard for them. (And if it didn't come up you could always ask the group if they felt self-esteem affected their success or their abilities when it came to finding romantic partners -- if it's an issue they will tell you so and if not then it isn't relevent to them.)