Passive Aggressive Coworkers and Asperger’s

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earthyheart
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18 Dec 2013, 1:28 am

Hello WP,
First time poster, and I really had no idea who to talk to about this. My Hubby has been at this current job for about 10 months. And some of his coworkers is passive aggressive… if not outright aggressive.
A few examples:
Hubby was at a party with board members and one of them brought up bring underpaid at a previous job. Thinking that it must be okay to talk about this issue since she brought it up, my husband said the real reason talented employees were leaving was for higher pay… The following week, his company launched an investigation against my husband. Trying to get as much detail as possible about what he said and to whom.
This week they wrote him up for not only talking to the board member, but they developed a list of things. My husband cannot tell when to end conversations. So a conversation that would take 3 minutes, takes about 15 to 20 minutes with him. Instead of talking to him about it directly a few other employees complained directly to management. And if it happens again he could lose his job.
Question time:
My husband was diagnosed when he was young. Should upper management know that my husband has Asperger’s Syndrome? He has been trying to hide it this whole time.
If so, is there any legal protection? Not sure what the new diagnostic manual means for his rights.
Thank you
~EH
PS: We know this kind of work environment is toxic. He is only staying at this job until a better one opens up. In the meantime, this is what we have to deal with.



savvyidentity
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18 Dec 2013, 3:29 am

Yes they should probably know, but check first to see if hiding that might lose him his job (in which case just carry on hiding it until he finds a new job) and depending where you are he probably does have certain legal rights. That should be what you should find out. Also, since they have no proof that he's been going around "trying to get people to go to another job" or whatever it is they think, he's best off denying every single thing (they DO need proof) and getting legal counsel. I don't know about there, but here in the UK jobs are protected and I'm pretty sure the possibility of losing a job can be a legal matter, so he has that right for sure as anyone does. I also think that an innocuous comment leading to accusations and disciplinary measures does not seem above board to me. Somehow that has to come under unfair treatment at work. Depending whatever the rights are in your country, and including any terms of contract or work policies (that they must adhere to) that protect him from undignified treatment.



Waterfalls
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18 Dec 2013, 6:28 am

Bringing it up, that depends. It could backfire. But if they already know and are irritated because they know, but it isn't "out" then saying the words could help IF they are a reputable company and trying to follow the rules and he is lucky....NT people get very angry when they misperceive a social act to be someone intentionally trying to stir up trouble, instead of understanding that what they are seeing is just someone who takes and means everything at face value. If a label helps them see things more rationally, they are likely to act in ways that make more sense with your husband. Because once they get the idea in their heads he's a negative influence, it will take something big to move them off that. It might be too late, depends on their tolerance. But if he wants any legal protection, then he would need to announce that label in order to qualify for any accommodations and protection.



earthyheart
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18 Dec 2013, 6:12 pm

Hey guys, thanks. My husband has decided to not mention it because of the new diagnostic manual ( Asperger’s might no longer be protected in the U.S). However, that still doesn't change the fact that he has passive aggressive coworkers. Micromanagers and passive aggressive coworkers can be in any type of workplace. I had a few bad coworkers before... But, none of them were so pissy that they launched an investigation or wrote me up. What to do about them? He will hopefully be stuck at this job for only half a year. That's still a long time do deal with them though.



managertina
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19 Dec 2013, 12:23 am

I empathize with you. I want through a bad job a couple years ago with plenty of 'backstabbing'. My advice is to hold it together until you can move, but also privately get coaching or counseling now to work on his Aspie traits so as he can better blend in and survive next time. If you can find a way of affording an assessment that might read 'high functioning autism' instead of Asperger's, you might wish to go that route. Disclosing saved my bacon this year. I nearly lost the job due to faux pas...



managertina
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19 Dec 2013, 12:27 am

Your description sounds too familiar... I feel sympathetic pain. I asked my supervisor to reroute the complainers to me instead. Maybe you could also work on some tips as to 'what do ppl normally do when they want to get out of a conversation?' and roleplay noticing that kind of thing.



earthyheart
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19 Dec 2013, 8:26 pm

Thanks managertina,
Where would you go to get an assessment? Sorry, if I am utterly clueless. My husband was diagnosed aspie when he was a child over 20 years ago. I have no idea where to begin now.
~EH



managertina
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20 Dec 2013, 12:28 am

Absolutely. Don't worry at all... it sounds like I am about your age, and this job market is very scary for people with AS.

If you have more questions: ask. Knowledge is power. I needed to do plenty of asking, and will always answer.

If I were you, I would find out about the background of the person doing the assessment to see if they have training or experience with autism or Asperger's. Or, if it is a student, that their supervisor has some knowledge of autism or developmental disorders. And make it clear that this has impact on your current work experience. Because unless it is made clear that there are workplace implications, some clinicians will not diagnose ... with reasons given by autism's specialist Tony Attwood. This happened to me, and I regret the lost time that I experienced, the lost income, and the fact that I had to move far from my family.

About ideas for getting the assessment... I put together some ideas. You might even ask if getting a new assessment is necessary... though personally, I found mine helpful.

You might wish to contact Tony Attwood's website to see if they can give recommendations. He is a widely known specialist. Here is their form. (they occasionally know people). http://tonyattwood.com.au/index.php/contact-us2

In Canada, there is a Learning Disabilities Association charity network. I approached this group because I was confident that it was nonverbal learning disability at that time. I was lucky that the psychologist had family with high functioning autism and also worked with a city college and university to assess students who might need help. They had a fund for assessments and helped me get mine covered because I had no insurance. I am not embarrassed to admit that I owe my life and livelihood to this charity. With autism there are sometimes co-occurring conditions, though I know that autism itself is not a learning disability. On the basis of a co-occurring condition they might help!

Your local autism charity might work with psychologists or therapists and can give recommendations.

If cost is a factor, you might approach your local university or college that trains psychology students to see about getting an assessment. That being said, ensure that either the student or supervisor has a background in autism or developmental disorders...

Your local physician or mental health section of your local hospital might have recommendations too.

I only ended up pursuing the diagnosis route because I had people brave enough to help me and give me some ideas that there was 'something' up. I actually had a friend who told me I needed help with knowing how to end a conversation, and a boss who roleplayed interrupting a conversation effectively. Talk about upfront and personal assistance... I am not angry or upset with my last boss because her job was stressful, but i 'voluntarily left' that job with the threat of being fired if I didn't (it was a backstabbing work environment with overworked colleagues, understaffing and a not updated job post that I thought was frontline but really wanted supervisory skills... need I say more?). I was told that my colleagues were eating me like piranhas behind my back, while being nice to my face. The result of leaving: a diagnosis and a much better and calmer work environment from an interview where the timing was just right before the end of my 'work period' was done.



managertina
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20 Dec 2013, 12:43 am

Also, for your knowledge, a good website for watching autism related knowledge videos is www.autismhangout.com. They are also on youtube. The videos are called 'Ask Dr. Tony'. And in them, he answers brief questions on Asperger's... in all areas... work, home, socially... really, any videos with him are good. Also, you may wish to consult these books from your library for free. I have not read the second, but I have heard of it. The first is solid, I think.

http://www.amazon.ca/Aspergers-Job-Must ... udy+simone

http://www.amazon.ca/Aspergers-Syndrome ... work+place

I will be purchasing this one for myself... my library doesn't have it... (and I work there, so putting items on request is not exactly all that private for staff)
http://www.amazon.ca/Business-Aspies-Pr ... for+aspies