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This Is 50

A "sort-of" sequel to This Is 40, this film continues the story of Pete & Debbie ten years after the events of This Is 40, as they cope with turning 50.

The remake of The Hitcher.

Watching paint dry 2: The second coat.

It's a Wonderful Life

A remake which documents the returns policies of various fine stores in Muncie, Indiana. Jimmy Stewart punches a mean security guard in the face after alarms go off when a family of four returns merchandise. Corruption at all levels of store security is found. Family drives furiously around town in a Pontiac Aztek, taking in WalMart, Target, KMart and Walgreens. There is a moment of tension when at Walgreens, they discover that suppositories may not be returned. A garden furniture set from Target proves defective, and angst develops as the family ponders the inevitable: was my credit card info compromised? During the film's touching denouement, a snow begins to fall and Jimmy Stewart hugs all the children after the garden furniture set is credited back to their account.

It's a Wonderful Life

A remake which documents the returns policies of various fine stores in Muncie, Indiana. Jimmy Stewart punches a mean security guard in the face after alarms go off when a family of four returns merchandise. Corruption at all levels of store security is found. Family drives furiously around town in a Pontiac Aztek, taking in WalMart, Target, KMart and Walgreens. There is a moment of tension when at Walgreens, they discover that suppositories may not be returned. A garden furniture set from Target proves defective, and angst develops as the family ponders the inevitable: was my credit card info compromised? During the film's touching denouement, a snow begins to fall and Jimmy Stewart hugs all the children after the garden furniture set is credited back to their account.

A remake of The Breakfast Club.

The Sophistication of Eternity

A pretentious independent art film consisting of nothing but three whole hours of two twenty-somethings smoking pot, lying around their living room, eating, and discussing the nature of the universe, all filmed in black and white.

Come to think about it, I would probably enjoy watching that.

A remake of any of Alfred Hitchcock's movies, though a new remake of Psycho doesn't seem like a bad idea.

A G rated remake of Deep Throat.

"Fun With Dick & Jane" -- by Federico Fellini

[OPENING CREDITS]

[NARRATOR SPEAKS]

Oh, see. Oh, see Jane. Funny, funny Jane.

See Spot. See the ball. The ball is red.

See Jane throw the ball. See Spot run. See the car. See Jane scream.

See the spot? The spot was Spot.

See Dick. Dick is digging. He is digging a hole. It is raining.

The box goes in the hole. The dirt goes on the box. See Dick cry.

Boys don't cry. Silly Dick.

See Sally. She looks out the window. She is holding Puff. Puff is purring. The cat is happy.

[CLOSE-UP OF CAT'S FACE]

[FADE TO BLACK]

[ROLL CLOSING CREDITS]

Dark ominous background music. Boy turns caterpillar, then later learns how he can become a better person and grows into a raging horny butterfly.

BINGO
Plot: Earth has been selected to participate in an intergalactic war-game against an alien empire that has never lost a challenge. Earth's Major cities have been marked with bingo columns and rows. The rules are if, for example, B5 is called, any portion of a city within B5 will be destroyed. Whoever gets "Bingo" first wins and the losers' planet is blown up. Humanity's fate lies in luck. Also throw in a romantic subplot that has little or no relevance or any impact on the story and focus mostly on that.

Quentin Tarantino's Song of the South starring Samuel L. Jackson.

Wait a second..... That won't be terrible. That would be awesome!

Oscar Bait Movie (The average Oscar winning movie has a three word title)

Stock characters used:

- The intellectually disabled man who's not "full ret*d", has several special talents and who will achieve stuff impossible for anyone with a low IQ
- The "super-duper magically negro" who serves as his mentor and guardian from childhood well into adulthood
- The hot, but stressed out defrosting ice queen lawyer who eventually finds new meaning in her life because of the half ret*d main character
- The jerk with a heart of gold who eventually comes to the rescue of the main character
- The evil strawman who actually has a point

Length: Slightly less than 150 minutes
Genre: Drama
Budget: 40 million USD
Music: Simple, memorable symphony
Special effects: Plenty of computer generated sheep sheep and computer modified skies, but nothing flashy
Color balance: Cold when the main character goes through tough times, warm when he has everything going for him
Setting: Between the 1880s and the 1920s
Director: Robert Redford
Release date: Somewhere during the last two months of the year, but before the Christmas spirit really kicks in


The story begins in the 1880s during the first economic depression in the US, after the mother (Hillary Swank) of the intellectually disabled (but not completely ret*d) Cletus dies of cholera. His deadbeat father left them when he was 2, but Cletus has special talents, such as persistence, courage and he can talk to the dead horses. His mother was wealthy and had several servants, among them the friendly and wise (but uneducated) gardener and former slave named John (played by Will Smith) who becomes his caretaker.

The story then fast forwards to the early 1900s where Cletus (despite being intellectually disabled) has found gold and now successfully runs his own mining company with the aid of John. Cletus in his adult age is played by Daniel Day Lewis. He encounters the rivalry of the bad tempered irishman named Colin (Russel Crowe), who runs a competing company in the same region, and will to begin with try to ruin his career.

Fast forward another couple of years and John eventually dies from old age. An evil straw man politician named Frederick (Leonardo DiCaprio), fearing for the work situation of Cletus' employees and the stock holders' savings, claims that Cletus with his disability won't be able to run a company, which causes him to hire the ice queen lawyer Mary (played by Jeniffer Lawrence) to help him out. In the beginning, she only cares about winning the trial, but Cletus during the case actually shows that there's more to life than just work, laws and courtrooms. Feeling bad for his wrongdoings, the irishman eventually teams up with them and lends them a hand. They win the trial, the politician is humiliated, the not-full-retard man marries the lawyer, and they're also millionaires from the gold rush.

Fast forward another ten years, the irishman and Cletus decide to stop working and eventually life of their savings as street musicians.

A really cheesy plot filled to the brim with overused clichés, but it would do well at the box office.

They took my Son!

Length: 85 minutes
Made for TV movie to be aired on wednesdays
Genre: Drama
Special effects: None
Budget: 800 000 USD

A single mother fights for the custody of her son, after he was taken from her by the Child Protective Services, but can she win? Reportedly based on a true story.

The Farming Diaries

Length: 110 minutes
Genre: Drama
Budget: 25 million USD
Director: Walter Salles

From the director of "The Motorcycle Diaries" about the young, idealistic Che Guevara, comes "The Farming Diaries", which tells the story of the young, idealistic Pol Pot. Follow in his footsteps as he begings his years in a Cambodia repressed by the French and after his travels, starts to see the grave injustice that goes on in Asia. Eventually, the young revolutionary organizes the Khmer Rouge to lay the foundations of a socialist utopia. After Pol Pot gets the power in 1975, you'll see the text-based epilogue that tells how peace and human-rights ruled Cambodia for four years, until Pol Pot was violently overthrown and spent his Twilight years hiding from the evil Americans. Daniel Dae Kim stars as Saloth Sar, the young Pol Pot, keeping the revolutionary spirit alive within you.