Social anxiety & shaking

Post Reply New Topic

Is this a problem for anyone?

95% of the time I'm fine but it's that 5% when I really don't want to shake in front of people that I do.

I get self conscious very easily and then the social anxiety and shaking comes on. I read it's a form of fight or flight response caused by adrenaline so to fight the shakes is basically futile as adrenaline is so powerful.

I get this way when I feel like I'm a social situation where other people have the upper hand because I'm an outsider and need to "prove" myself etc. But how can I stop it happening?


I think this ties into how much I care about what others think of me. People I talk to say they don't care what others think of them, and maybe it's true, but because I'm socially awkward, I rely on feeling generally accepted in a group, because I'm never good friends with anyone, so I need to at least feel accepted in order to feel safe and function properly. If I don't feel accepted, I'd be inclined to feel like the enemy.

I can definitely relate.

Unless I'm really on an "upward" cycle, I will especially shake any time I'm talking to someone who's opinion on a topic *might* conflict with mine. It is a little worse if we are actually at odds with each other on something.

It might help to consider how this is triggered: you're dwelling on the situation. You have to learn to think about things other than how people around you are reacting to you, due to your social anxiety.

Personally, I'm excessively anti-social, so I don't set a good example.

But recognizing that, because your an Aspie, you're hyper inquisitive, is a good start. In other words, set yourself up to succeed: before you go to the event, deliberately research a few topics of interest or personal use that you can think about at length and engage your mind with during the event. Even crib a few notes in your pocket if you need. Think about that stuff at the event, not how people around you are behaving or thinking or reacting to you (most of which you would find as irrelevant as 'who's that guy?' 'Are there more shrimp balls?' 'Drinks here sure are expensive'... and the usual flotsam that goes through the normal mind.

Take your mind off the source of the anxiety, which is others' perspective of you. Engage them personally, but when you're not talking to them, think about something else that's complex enough to keep you engaged and repetitive enough to stick in your head. Classical music is a good example, or poetry, or organizational planning.

Aspies have complex emotional responses to people because we don't have some of the inherent behavioral biases of others. THat in turn leads to the anxiety; by shutting out the source of the anxiety -- dwelling on how secure we are around others and how we fit in -- we can control it somewhat.

An anti-anxiety drug probably wouldn't hurt, either.

I tend to keep some quarters or other small objects I can fidget with in my pocket. It may be a little distracting but it's better than shaking. I'm less self conscience when I occupy my fine motor skills (which can be hard) then when I lose control. It may not work for you because it doesn't always work for me. When it does work, I'm better able to handle stress.

Usually when I have to give a talk of some sort (thanks, academia!).

Practice. Also, don't be afraid of making gestures with your hands; the movement will actually help camouflage the shaking more than trying to hold still.

I pace, that seems to let the energy out so that I don't shake. As soon as I can, I go for a walk or a jog, or a bike ride. If I am in a place where I have to socialize while sitting still, then I have a pen and pad of paper, so that I can at least do something. (Scribble/sketch/doodle) Mostly, now that I know what bothers me the most, I do not socialize in ways that make me shake, it's just not worth it.

I have this issue very occasionally. I can usually find a way to center myself and bulldoze through to what I need to accomplish. The most extreme reactions have been from being socially engaged with autistic men. I've run into a few, and it seems to hit a weak nerve.

I ended up developing this issue and it kept getting worse and worse until I was basically a nervous, shaking wreck around everyone. It turns out that the anti-depressants I was on weren't doing the trick and I had a change in medication which solved the problem well enough. If you're on any kind of medication you might want to bring it up with a doctor.