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kraftiekortie
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21 Feb 2018, 12:36 pm

Thanks, Britte :)



Britte
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21 Feb 2018, 12:41 pm

You're welcome !



banana247
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21 Feb 2018, 1:07 pm

I like to stop people and then paraphrase what they said to confirm that it's in fact what they mean. People tend to go on and on about shallow, catty, nonsense and often don't seem to know too much about what they're talking about anyway. Lol. I like to try to get to a point where they agree with me on something, then i can often change the subject to my interest.

For example, if they're saying something like "oh yes and you know, atoms make up everything that exists so they are basically the building blocks of our existence" but I have no interest in this topic at all, I might say something like "so it's kind of like you're attracted to molecular structures because they're just so influential, but most people never even notice or think of them. It's like you're in on a secret." Then, even though they never even thought of that, they agree because it sounds great. Then I say "that's how I feel about art and design. It's everywhere and totally makes up our world but people don't even realize it." Then I can often proceed to carry on about my own topic because i just gracefully changed the subject by making the other person feel like i'm on their side :D :D :D

It took me a while to get comfortable with this, and i'm still not successful with it all the time, but it definitely helps. I think the key is figuring out some way to make a conversation like a game or a challenge. If you're interested in the game, people will feel like you're interested in them and everybody wins!



mitchmaitree
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24 Feb 2018, 8:30 am

The trick about talking to people is that it only works if I actually AM interested. I can greet someone I don't know (a skill I learned in my 30s) and I have even learned to make eye contact. But if I don't care about the person or what they're saying, there's no motivation for me to engage. That's why it's easier to talk to friends: I care about them. If I didn't, they wouldn't be friends.

But caring about them isn't the whole answer either. I can't read (or even see) nonverbal communication, so I don't know if they're actually interested or getting bored. I don't retain most of what they tell me, so next time I talk to them I feel stupid asking about their family because I don't remember if I already did that. I tend to let them steer the conversation, and whatever they say about themselves I assume they already told me at least once.


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"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change."


bobaspie2015
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24 Feb 2018, 9:19 am

It really does not bother me if I fit in to NT groups of people, or even Aspie groups.
I guess I have become accustomed to just listening and watching. One of my greatest strengths is my sense of humour so if I am in a group of people I always look for opportunities that point in that direction.
I am not interested in changing so people will like me, it really is exhausting if one seeks that path.
I just be myself and people love me as I am.



JustFoundHere
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10 Mar 2018, 3:26 pm

Amazon link for book by author/speaker Daniel Wendler, 'Improve Your Social Skills.'

Note books in Amazon.com section, 'Frequently bought together.'

https://www.amazon.com/Improve-Social-S ... 1517309328



AngryAngryAngry
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19 Mar 2018, 2:29 am

Yeah I totaly understand, that used to be me.

You can just say hello to people, it's good way to start talking.
Don't judge people, you may not know their history, they may have a vast wealth of knowledge that might be extremely interesting or useful to you from perhaps a previous career or country etc.

Also you can just try to hang out with people that share similar interests.
Start off online, then in the future you may be able to meet in real life. At least you can have some online conversations as practice, you can also bounce ideas off these people, online friends may be less judgemental too.



JustFoundHere
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01 Apr 2018, 12:46 pm

The discussion 'Is Osmosis the Best Ally with Aspergers?' might be of interest.
viewtopic.php?t=355347



Arkena
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01 Apr 2018, 11:51 pm

I think its important to realise that the lack of ability to talk about things we arent interested in is one of the problems we experience being on the spectrum. If we see it as a limitation we are more agreable to change.

If we understand how this holds us back in terms of social interaction, the acquisition of useful skills etc, we may become more malleable in our thinking. Ie if we stop framing it as a rigid, unchangeable part of us it will be easier to improve our situation.



auntblabby
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02 Apr 2018, 12:36 am

unless it is about politics or sports or religion, i'll try my best to engage others in conversation who strike one up with me.



Kitty4670
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06 Apr 2018, 1:45 am

I have alot of trouble talking to people too, I have alot of trouble talking to my family. There this woman I met on Facebook, we mostly talk about one person, we have something in common, we both love Bryan Adams.