No sex after great sex?

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Hasn't occurred to me to ask, Boo. He might say it's none of my business. But I guess I could ask. He can always choose not to answer.

Could he potentially think you're using him, or are too focused on the topic of intimacy, and that makes him uncomfortable in some way?
Otherwise, I think there's a serious underlying issue. Seems most of the bases have been covered on this, though.

It literally doesn't make any real sense unless he's either being dishonest with you about something (and I'm not merely implying "cheating", there could be other reasons like past sexual abuse), or there is a medical/psychological reason. Maybe he was even really into it at first, and his drive is just going down after all of the action.

Aspie or not he owes you an explanation. If his only offer of an explanation is If you dont like you can leave - well you know where you are. He has zero respect for you and is using you however feels convenient to him.

Perhaps something happened during a previous encounter, that you were not aware of, that he found so off-putting that the thought of sex is no longer appealing and he's not telling you what it is because he doesn't want to humiliate you or hurt your feelings.

Or perhaps he's developed a physical issue in an intimate area that he's embarrassed about and doesn't care for you to see it.

Leafplant, I am with you on that. I *do* expect an explanation, difficulties or no difficulties. All he said is he doesn't understand. He could understand he's doing everything that was a prelude to the final act, but then saying no. We don't ever come into my home anymore. He refuses.

Willard Yeah he could have developed something, but it's still working I have seen it. But hey ho.

How would you guys/girls approach the question? Any good ideas?

For me, sometimes my feelings for a girl I like get too intense and I cant cope with it and it is much easier to push her away than be overwhelmed by her.
EDIT: is he afraid of premature ejaculation or not being able to satisfy you?

Do you want kids? He may be in favor of eugenics a la autism speaks and feels breeding would be irresponsible.

Is it possible he was unfaithful and got an STD? Or had another health problem that interferes with his ability to have sex safely or risks transmission?

Does he become aroused around you still? I had an issue with one girl where after a period of separation my feelings for her became dissociated from her physical person and so I still loved her but the feelings stopped applying to her in person... it's really hard to explain and was frustratingly illogical.

Is it possible he feels that your relationship is purely physical and wants to make sure you love him? I've heard about that kind of thing happening several times, though usually by women in the sex trade.

Buffinator, it *could* be that. I have sent him that question today(in writing). If it's the emotional thing that is. Problem is he blocks and doesn't respond most of the times. Then I get angry, not because of the problem per se, but not knowing how to go forth to resolve it.

He doesn't say he is afraid of premature ejaculation or not being able to satisfy, he just doesn't say.

Kids are something neither of us want and definitely agreed from the start.

The STD could be a possibility. Who knows? Why can't he just bloody say it?

I think he's probably so used to past relationships with NT's where they don't like honesty or say they do and then can't deal with it, that he is probably scalded and doesn't want to jump into hot water again. He did once say that if his past relationships never worked, why would this one? He's defeated before even starting. I like to know why something is happening to figure out a plan. I tell him communication is essential and he just doesn't seem to understand it.

He *definitely* gets aroused. Hence my despair at not understanding. Then even worse, because I ask and I get no answer.

I never thought he might think I see it as physical only, because I have been the only one to express my feelings for him. He used to hate me saying it, but a few days ago he said he likes that I like him. It surprised me, because I didnt know that. He must have changed his mind and now it came out in a random way.

Maybe if I was NT I could understand this guy better, but I am clueless about people unless they tell me what it is they feel or want. At least now I gave him a book about women with AS so he can see. It's only a few days ago as well that he admitted he might have AS too. That's a major breakthrough. But I never forced him to admit it. I just discussed it once or twice and left it. I know with him that's the way it works best. Actually, with me too. It takes me a long time to accept and digest new information.

Dantac that would make sense if we hadn't had an intimate relationship before. But we did.

But of course, people can acquire problems along the way.

I'm not abandoning him though. I'm more frustrated out of being in the dark, than not having intimacy.

Maybe no one ever stayed, when he was himself. Maybe no one ever went back to hug him after he showed his darkest side. Maybe no one persisted. Maybe no one cared.

But I do.

Yellowtamarin that would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

Sometimes the hottest candles burn the fastest........

It may have started out intense and passionate but now it sounds like he's having mixed feelings in the relationship and thats causing him to push away. He might want to end things but lacks the courage and social tact to do it properly. I used to have the same issue whenever I was seeing someone who's feelings for me became more intense than my feelings for her (or my feelings cooled off). I would be uncomfortable but too concerned with their feelings to pull the trigger and end it. I still liked them and didn't want to hurt them. However, indecision will just end up hurting them more in the longrun. I've experienced this situation from both persepectives actually.

My advice would be to change the paradigm. He's probably not doing it maliciously (possibly the opposite) but he is definetly leading you on. If he still won't offer a real explaination (you deserve one), call his bluff and leave him. He may come back and attempt to be more open and honest with you or he may not come back at all (in which case he was a bad fit and not worth your attention.)

Geek, yeah, I mean, anything is possible. But he wouldn't be the type of person to say he like she liking him and he has had quite a few opportunities where I said I would leave and he always convinced me not to. He said lets try something else. Like going out and doing things. Stuff like that.

Im exhausted in all areas of my life. Its after 4 am and I can't sleep. I have to get up at 6 to go to work until 4.

I won't last today. I am at the end of my tether.