my mother is jealous of my relationship with my father

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From the time I was a small child I knew my relationship with my mother was not right. She never spent any time with me, never spent time brushing my hair or dressing me up. I can't remember one birthday party or celebration in my life. She downplayed, ignored or just plain ruined any happy occasion in my life. She could not stand for my dad and I to express any affection toward each other. She would do a slow boil when he would hug me or tell me he loved me. I can remember special toys or dolls and there were only a few that would just somehow disappear. Same with my pets, She always treated my two older brother like kings and encouraged them to be mean to me and always side with her. I was never invited to family functions unless she just had too or dad was involved in inviting me. She would make up stories and tell people she had invited me but I of course did not want to come. She would tell lies about me and people believed them. When I was 50 years old she finally pulled her last hateful act against me, she shut me out of my dads sickess, hospital stay and sudden death. Then to top it off she shut me out of his funeral and backstabbed me to the whole family. I loved my dad so much and she truly enjoyed hurting me when he died. I will never forget her smirk and the pleasure on her face at the most painful moment of my life. It was her last time she will ever hurt me, now I hope when she dies she rots in hell. Has anyone else had a mother like this, how did you handle it?

My paternal grandfather's mother played the kids off against each other. She basically taught them to hate each other and not get along.

My grandfather got along somewhat with one of his sisters. I never met the other three sisters.

Once when I was a kid, we were in a town about twenty miles from home and my father pointed to one house and said that was where one of my grandfather's sisters lived. That's the only time he ever mentioned her. My sister is about ten years older than me. She said that she had actually seen the woman once -- it was at my grandfather's house and according to my sister she was trying to physically assault my grandfather out in the yard when my grandfather was about 60.

On the other hand, some of my father's cousins got along okay with my father even if their mother didn't get along with my grandfather at all.

It is so humiliating to be shut out of the family and never really know what she was saying behind my back. People that I grew up with and cousins etc. only know what she is saying about me, they don't know the real me, I help everyone, I love to rescue baby animals and raise them, I mother all the children on my block and they love to come to my house to paint, cook, plant flowers ,play in the pool and just be with me. I am happiest when I have a new pet baby to bottlefeed and raise. I made it my goal in life to never mistreat anyone especially my daughter and grandson. I could never intentionally hurt them as she would do me. I could see the pleasure on her face as she would bring me down a peg.. She could not stand for my dad to hug me or tell me he loved me. I not only had no mother but she managed to destroy my relationship with my beloved dad. If he ate a dish that I brought to a holiday dinner she would get so mad if he commented on how good it was. So Petty and so childish. It sure was not her that taught me to cook or take care of myself, I learned on my own. I see things so clearly now that I have gone No Contact with her but the hurt and pain at being shut out and left out of the family. So humiliating that people hear her backstabbing and belittling of me and never know the truth. I can't trust anyone and do not make friends, I stay alone as much as possible except for the children on my street and my adorable shitzu pups. They show me unconditional love and I will always be there for them. I know now from research that my mom was a covert Narcissist , always manipulating people to get the outcome she wants then backing off and watching the fireworks and pain she would create. Then she can put on this sweet southern Baptist mother act , sit in the front of the church and people believe her. No one else sees her evil ways and I do hope the same god that gave me to her shows her as much compassion and empathy as she did me. I knew she hated me even as a small child. Why Me?

I do try everyday to be a different person than her, it is hard to not take it personally . I love my daughter and grandson so much and would die myself before I intentionally caused them pain. I hope I have stopped this in my family from going on another generation. I can't forgive her because she would do it today if I went around her. And yes , she really likes the attention. Thank you for your comment.

As an adult, the best I could articulate to my father was, 'I didn't want to be with her, I wanted to be with you'.

Now, to my jaundiced eye, it appears that each cognitive pruning under my mother's reign of frustration and impenetrable distance while my father was away was - in my brother's developing brains - somewhat recouped every time Dad brought the sunshine home again.

But, I was a girl. And Mom was jealous of my father's time and attention.

And it was the 50's, when boys learned at their father's knee, while girls learned at their mother's, and all Mom had to go on were society's expectations, approximating a Twilight Zone version of "Father Knows Best" in which Kitten grows up feeling alienated and rejected.

I can't say my mother didn't do the best she could, given whatever level of Asperger's (She had a career before marriage and children) she was laboring under, but God, the person I would have been had my father raised me.