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Jono
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24 Jan 2014, 8:57 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Jono wrote:
What was your first message to them. I normally use OKCupid but my first message was usually a question. OKCupid's fine, you just need to know how to use your match questions to filter out all the bad matches. Doesn't always work because some people answer less than 10 questions but I normally won't message anyone who's answered less than 20.

Here's essentially what I wrote. eHarmony has a guided communication process but I elected to skip it since I had already met this girl in person and had a 'small talk' chat about a year previously, which is where I found out how similar we were.

Quote:
Hi (Girl), it's GHF. If you are interested in getting to know each other I would love to hear from you!
I'm very open about who I am and am not in any way some kind of stalker. After sending this message, this girl immediately pulled all her pictures too. WTF? If that's "creepy" or coming on too strong then I give up. No girl ever responded to my messages but to be fair, I only initiated with a handful of them. I suppose she might have got creeped out by me using her real first name, but she obviously knew mine as well!


So, essentially what you're saying is that the matching algorithm on eHarmony had matched you with someone you've met a year previously? Was that the only time you had met before? The thing is, if you only had met once before then it would be best not to reveal that you know her name in the first message because that could look to her as though were deliberately tracking her down even if it was by pure coincidence that you happen to be matched someone who you've met previously. You may remember her but she may not remember you. If it was someone that you had already known for some time already, then it would probably be different. As general rule, if you know more about the person you're talking to than what they've already told, do not reveal that know this information until they've officially given it to you. In this case, if eHarmony had a guided messaging system like you said, then it probably would of been safer to use that even though you've met this girl before.



GiantHockeyFan
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24 Jan 2014, 9:24 am

I knew this girl from work and without giving her away her identity, she worked for the same large employer but NOT the same location or department and there was no worry about a 'workplace romance'. I met her three times in three years but we had a nice chat during her last visit and found out she had identical interests, life goals and she had the physical appearance I am attracted to (clean, conservatively dressed, long black hair, no piercings/tattoos). I was literally blown away she was single and thought she would probably feel the same way about me.

I suppose in hindsight I should have of but it's not like I said her full legal name, address, phone number (all information I have). I guess impatience is my Achilles heel and I think the guided communication is a huge waste of time because it doesn't tell you anything. I prefer to skip the BS but it seems girls either get scared if you are too forward but if you don't to it aggressively enough they move on, usually to the 'bad boys' but I not gonna open that can of worms! I thought that women would be more interested in meeting due to the whole 'matching' and price barrier of eHarmony but it wasn't my experience at all unfortunately. Sure the women SEEMED better quality and more marriage/family minded, but I will never know since I never got to meet any of them.



Jono
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27 Jan 2014, 3:43 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
I knew this girl from work and without giving her away her identity, she worked for the same large employer but NOT the same location or department and there was no worry about a 'workplace romance'. I met her three times in three years but we had a nice chat during her last visit and found out she had identical interests, life goals and she had the physical appearance I am attracted to (clean, conservatively dressed, long black hair, no piercings/tattoos). I was literally blown away she was single and thought she would probably feel the same way about me.

I suppose in hindsight I should have of but it's not like I said her full legal name, address, phone number (all information I have). I guess impatience is my Achilles heel and I think the guided communication is a huge waste of time because it doesn't tell you anything. I prefer to skip the BS but it seems girls either get scared if you are too forward but if you don't to it aggressively enough they move on, usually to the 'bad boys' but I not gonna open that can of worms! I thought that women would be more interested in meeting due to the whole 'matching' and price barrier of eHarmony but it wasn't my experience at all unfortunately. Sure the women SEEMED better quality and more marriage/family minded, but I will never know since I never got to meet any of them.


Well, if you knew her at work, you could of asked her if you could meet for a cup of coffee the last time that you saw her. If you got her phone number, then why didn't you phone her when you got it then? Or did you get that information for purely work related reasons? From this information, her reasons for deleting her profile on eHarmony may not necessarily be because of something that you did.

P.S. Sorry to reply so late but I had no internet access over the weekend except on my mobile phone. I've moved to new house and the internet isn't installed yet.