Do you fake it?

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I would do that when I was around strangers back when I was in high school. Nowadays, it has actually become harder to hide these characteristics from people.

Agreed with this. For me, it is mainly because my high school friends were in general pretty crappy friends. Now I have some really great long term friends and when you know someone for half a decade or even a decade, it becomes very hard to hide those kinds of things. I don't really try anymore, they know I'm eccentric, they just don't know the label for it is all. (And with how much publicity Asperger's has received in popular culture and on the news, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if some of them suspect it and just haven't asked).

I do some faking NT behaviors that I can pass as sometimes, but I do even more restricting my natural behaviors and impulses, basically by censoring myself in speech, and behavior. I try to censor, but I don't always succeed, because often my oddness still shows through.Censoring can slow down my thought processes and reduce my attention and awareness of surroundings. I am not very good at faking, a lot of things I can't fake, and faking tires me out badly and it is totally unpleasant to do. I do a mix of faking, and censoring myself, with a higher proportion of censoring. So many things that I naturally do and say, are grounds for drawing attention in a detrimental way, attracting bullying and punishment, and encouraging people to make bad assumptions about me that they will never forget and probably will never change their mind about.

Some things that I censor in public:

Rocking when anyone else can see it. My parents would punish me severely for rocking, and people at school would think it was masturbation.
Most forms of stimming, except for pacing or leg shaking while seated or maybe finger tapping when at a table or desk.
Stretching. I need to stretch a lot and I have to make sure I don't do it in public... Doing it is lewd or something.
Face twitches and wincing... People get afraid I am crazy.
Smiling when I am happy, or even looking happy at all... It is offensive for some reason.
Talking to myself... People will think I am insane.
Visually analyzing things intensely... For some reason it offends a lot of people.
Looking at people, or the clothes they are wearing, studying cars... Something about my looking offends people.
Any bounce in my walk... I don't know, it is bad for some reason.
Showing any hint of spontaneity... It is seen as dangerous or something.
Bending over. Apparently it is sexual harassment.
Looking around a lot.
Having wide open eyes.
Showing any confusion if I am confused.
Doing or saying anything with very much detail.
Showing interestedness in anything. If I like something, I have to try not to let it show.


These were just a few examples.

I started "faking it" when I started dating my NT partner. He has been essential in my recent (last 4+ years) social education and empathy training (also known in our household as "being a good girlfriend"...lol). Before him, I was just having meltdowns and debilitating anxiety on a daily basis.

A lot of things I have been learning about with him are things I never knew that I should do previously: to text him to see how his day is going if we haven't seen each other in a while, to ask him how his day was (or be concerned with his feelings at all), to remember to get him gifts for birthdays/anniversaries/holidays even if he tells me he's not going to get me anything (which I've now learned is never true), to do the dishes and any other household chore without him asking (which always seemed silly to me... ), etc.

He also taught me how to have conversations with people. I had no idea how to talk to people I didn't know until he came along. His advice: Ask questions -- people love talking about themselves. Boy was he right. Now all I do is ask questions when I meet someone or don't know what to say next.

The problem with faking it is that my partner hates it when I "turn it on" -- meaning the "actress" comes out. He thinks I am not at all myself and doesn't understand why I change so much when I am out meeting people. Now I know why... (recently self-diagnosed and going in for a consult in 4 days).

Now this sounds all wine and roses over here, but we have had MANY, MANY arguments because of my AS behavior. My NT education has come over a number of years and as a result of lots of conversations and frustrating days between the two of us. Now things are much better, as I am learning what a NT person wants/needs, but only because he tells me. Having a very empathetic NT boyfriend helped me understand NT's in a way I never did before. What I lack, he helps me make up for. Yes, I know I'm lucky.


TL;DR: I do fake it, but only as of the last 4 years because my boyfriend helped me to learn how to behave like a NT. I have blossomed and have a good career now because of it.

I go out of my was to appear unique and eccentric. I figure I'm an oddball so I might as well capitalize on it and enjoy it. I've found you can get away with most anything if you act friendly towards others. I think the overall consensus about me is that I am weird or odd, but nice.

I used to believe that people reacted badly to my eccentricity, so I tried covering it up. Then I discovered they were actually reacting badly to my lack of social initiative, inability to do small talk and unwillingness to listen to their incredibly boring conversations about other peoples and their lives. Since then I've been able to be as random as I like, as long as I pretend to be interested and concentrate on not rambling too much about what I like, which is relatively doable. Sometimes I do get tired of faking interest, but then I just have to recharge a bit by being alone or with someone who won't talk my ears off with other people's business and voilà I'm good as new. Sorta. Of course I can't be friends with everybody (some people still think I'm too weird) and sometimes I still end up sitting alone in mild sensory overload in a club when everybody's dancing, but that's just life.

I often find myself faking interest, not necessarily because I'm not interested, but because I don't show it naturally. I don't know how it looks to others, but it feels really fake. Well, it oughta, I guess, since it doesn't come on it's own.