Why are women into me at first, and then they lose interest?

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Eureka13
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01 Feb 2014, 10:39 am

coffeebean wrote:
Hmm... If you can't connect with people well, that may be it. Another poster posted this article, and if being a listener isn't working I don't think there's anything to be lost on trying an alternative:

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/what- ... meone-else


This was extremely interesting to me, because it explains something to me that had previously been inexplicable: first of all, why my late fiance and I bonded so instantly when we first met. Second, why some of the people I have talked to online seem to have "clicked" with me, but I haven't "clicked" with them (I am showing vulnerability by talking about the loss of my fiance, but they are not returning the favor).

To the OP (and others) - read the link and watch the videos.

I can see approaching this in a scientific fashion. Come up with a "confession" that is something very personal about yourself (but that doesn't paint you in an overly negative light), and tell your date about it at some point when the conversation is flowing fairly well.

One other caveat - if this works at first, it doesn't mean you've created a relationship.....you've just created a path to a second date. You will have to maintain the "click" you created for the relationship to go further. Maybe you will have to go into a little greater depth on your original "confession." Maybe there's something else you could "confess." I also note that if it doesn't go both ways, i.e., if BOTH people don't show equal vulnerability, it won't work. But if you can entice the other into opening up to you with your display of vulnerability, to display a vulnerability of their own, I would think that's half the battle.

And I don't think it means one should be a sniveling, vulnerable mess 100% of the time. I'm pretty sure it means every once in awhile showing a glimpse of vulnerability. IOW, unassailable strength is intimidating; total vulnerability could be seen as being weak and be off-putting. If you can show that you're a reasonably competent, mostly functional person with a human side (the vulnerability), that is an picture that is extremely attractive to most people.



Shau
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01 Feb 2014, 10:55 am

johnnyboy11 wrote:
My picture is my avatar, am I a decent looking guy? I think I'm attractive physically, no?


Yup, you've got the looks for sure. At least from that pic, a solid 8 I'd say, if that means anything coming from a bi guy. Be aware that looks don't count as much for men, though.



aspiemike
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01 Feb 2014, 10:59 am

You can use the approach I used. I call it "live and learn" or "trial and error." The most important rule about the approach I used, "don't get discouraged."


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jkrane
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14 May 2016, 1:40 pm

johnnyboy11 wrote:
I don't get it. I do NOT connect well with people in general, but I can hold down conversations. I just don't understand how to build romantic interest. I can get a date EVERY Friday night, it seems (using that TINDER app thing), but almost NEVER a second date!

My picture is my avatar, am I a decent looking guy? I think I'm attractive physically, no?


It's not you, it's them. I've never used Tinder myself, nor have I been a fan of it. People go on there for one night stand sex, not second dates.

If you have a job, try a reliable paid dating site, like E-harmony, or something. I don't know. Also, stay away from Plentyoffish. There are literally 21 PAGES of guys for every ONE girl. ONE. Not one page, just one.

Girls have infinite access to way more men, than men have women.

Welcome to 2016, my friend. Dating in this age sucks.



mysterymystique
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17 May 2016, 3:04 pm

I think it's just part of the dating process - particularly if you're dating online, because chemistry doesn't really work via text/email.

I've been with my boyfriend (met online) for a year, but during the year or so I actively online dated, only about 1 in 6 or 8 first dates were fun enough to warrant a second.

Meeting in IRL, I found that if a guy got my number, there was a 50% chance he'd call, if he did, it's a 50% chance we had enough fun on a first date to warrant a second and a 50% chance we'd both want a third. There's no way to get to know people without, you know, getting to know them in person.