Too scared to go anywhere by myself.

Post Reply New Topic

I don't get invited to things very often. But when I do I am too scared to go to them by myself. For example, I was invited to a party today, for the first time in ages.
I really wanted to go, but I just couldn't. The thought of walking into the house by myself terrified me. I just couldn't do it.

The same thing happened to me recently when I was invited to meet some people at a bar. I just couldn't face the thought of going there and walking in by myself, probably not being able to find them, then probably if I did find them they would be in mid conversation and wouldn't realise I was there, and then there wouldn't be anywhere for me to sit because the table would already be full, and I would have to sit at a nearby table completely alone. So I didn't go. Even though I desperately wanted to go. I really feel so lonely most of the time and I really want to have friends but when ever someone invites me to something I am too terrified to go to the thing to which I am invited.

What should I do? I really don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be able to have friends and join in groups and go to things.

I don't like going anywhere alone either. But when I'm invited to something I usually ask the person who invited me "can you come outside when I get there and walk in with me?" And they usually say yeah that's fine.

That could be worth a try, I will remember it.
Although I would probably be too embarrassed to ask. I hope they weren't upset that I didn't go to the party. I ended up sending a text saying I had the flu. Lame I know.

I've made many excuses like that too, don't worry. I was rude the other day when I blatantly didn't answer someone's text when they asked me to get together. :-/. But I didn't know how to say no because I didn't have a good reason except for "I don't want to shower or get dressed"

Hehe I know that feeling! I would not tell someone that though.
I am pretty sure that the person didn't think that I really had the flu. I feel bad but I just couldn't bring myself to go. I wish I was naturally charming.

alessi, if someone asks you out to something (bar, party, whatever), just go.

Really, what is the worst that can happen? In the end, you'll feel worse for not going.

I have social anxiety myself, but I always feel better when I try and it usually is a lot more fun than staying at home.

I really do want to go to these things and I feel so lonely when I don't get invited anywhere. But I just can't. I did it again today. Someone invited me to a movie and I just couldn't cope with going to an unfamiliar cinema by myself so I didn't go. I thought I would get lost. I felt very depressed that I hadn't gone.
I am really not sure how to get over this. It is obviously impacting my life.

Yes, I totally understand. It's a double edged sword - stay home and feel bad, or go out and risk a nervous breakdown.

At least it seems that you have a group of people that want to be friends with you. So you have that going for you. Not everybody on this board is as lucky I think. Good luck, alessi!

Yes I am lucky that there a few people who are still giving me a chance.
However I am going to have to to a new city soon where I know absolutely no one. I wouldn't go if it wasn't for the fact that there is a possible job for me there and I can't get a job here.

I am terrified about that. I am not good at making friends or getting to know new people. I am really dreading it.

I've moved to a new town several times. Just take it slow and realize that it will just take time to meet new people - try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

You may try a local Meet Up group for Apies. At least you'll know everyone else is feeling similar; maybe less pressure. Good Luck!

I think I will have to join a few meet-up groups or clubs and societies when I get there. I like art and animals so maybe there are some groups relating to those that I could join.

I saw that there is a meetup group for newcomers to the city. That might be worth joining.

It is just so hard to overcome the anxiety I have about turning up to the meetings.

I don't know where you live, but where I live there is free counseling for survivors of sexual trauma. There are multiple facilities where you can get professional counseling and there are support groups. If they have a domestic violence shelter where you live (or plan to move to), the people at the domestic violence shelter would probably know where to get free counseling.

I feel the same way. I would never want to go somewhere by myself or with strange people or to strange places, but I really want to be asked to go somewhere and have a good time with people.

I have this weird feeling that I could get to know someone else who has the same problem, and thinking about being there to make someone else feel more comfortable would make me less anxious about doing it too. It's the only thing I can think of that would ever make me want to go out.