online dating advice/critique my OKC profile

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I've put my finger in the cake of most major dating sites, including OkCupid, eHarmony, match, and plenty of fish. I figured it would be a good option considering I'm not much into the club scene and am terribly shy and introverted when it comes to talking to people I like.

so basically I'm looking for advice to optimize the results I get out of these sites. Honestly most of the time when I find someone I like or maybe want to message, I don't know what to say beyond the very typical "hi, how are you" or even talking about interests. for me, I feel that's my interests are what really define me, or at least are a big part of what makes me who I am. I've gotten many views, but only a couple of messages and none of those conversations lead anywhere. I deeply tried to make connection but I just couldn't do it. though I will be honest, I've personally sent very few messages to people; maybe out of fear of rejection or something I don't know.

I'd also really like to know if I could edit my profile in some ways to make me appear more desirable because even though I've tried to look at my profile critically. There may be points that I miss that an outsider might catch more easily than I can. At 1st, I did the very typical Aspergers thing where I wrote a huge detailed paragraph in the about me section, but thought that typical people wouldn't care enough to read that much detail. So since my registration, it has been severely trimmed down.

anybody needs any further details I'll happily try to fill in the blanks.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Breareos

Do you wish to attract "typical people"?

Ok, I just looked at your profile. If you truly want to attract someone nerdy, it would be perfectly fine to have a longish profile. Take it from this nerd, I like the profiles that are essays. The only other thing I noticed is that you mentioned your IT course twice, and you have some spelling and grammar issues to fix.

Really now? I'm usually very particular about my spelling and grammar. As for the IT thing, I just put it in there twice because I thought it called for it but I can remove one of the 2 examples.

I honestly don't have a very good idea of what I'm looking for in terms of a partner. I've had 0 experience with any romantic relationships so I don't know what works for me and what doesn't. Proposals are gotten was a couple of years ago where I had a walking date with a girl I knew and despite my effort to continue talking, there was a lot of time where there was awkward silence. I remember her telling me at one point I was kind of boring but in a nonserious tone.
however, I think it would be nice if I met someone who was about as introverted as I am, I think it might take the edge off. What I would really like is someone who can share at least one interest with me; for example I'm crazy obsessed with skiing and cars. Like it says in my profile, someone who at least makes an effort to stay active and in shape would be ideal.

What you are doing stealing my pictures from a decade ago? Geez, you could pass as me from 10 years ago

In all seriousness, I'm putting my OKCupid profile back together and all I can say is that if I were female, I would think that you are ONLY interested in Skiing or a ski buddy. I know as I struggle with the same issue only mine is hockey. You come across as a really great guy and it's obvious from your pictures you are painfully shy like me. You seem like a good person, but don't really motivate anyone to contact you. Again, it's clear from your pictures you are shy and probably good partner material but you need that little 'extra' to put you over the edge.

I would also suggest removing the income thing from your profile and the whole moving westward thing even if it is true. Many women will subconsciously avoid you when they see that or assume you aren't really that serious. You should also get rid of the cliches as I've seen them a hundred times before in both male and female profiles. You don't want to ramble on but I have to say there is little that stands about you in your profile. It's not a bad profile by any means but it doesn't really express *who* you are. Finally, check your grammar: if that was your resume I would trash it instantly as it gives off the impression you put very little effort although I'm sure that isn't true. Finally, take it from me: you have to message women and you WILL be rejected many times but like anything is life, you have to get your hands dirty sometimes to build confidence. Hope that helps and best of luck to you.

"I'm quiets, but also quirky. "

???

I spot six sentences that you have failed to start with capital letters. There is also a typo. You've written "quiets" instead of "quiet."

I don't mean it as a criticism; just an observation. I thought if would be helpful if someone pointed out what the mistakes were, so that you could fix them.

On the plus side, your profile also demonstrates that you understand when to use semi-colons. That is sure to be a point of interest for nerdy girls!

You come across as a nice guy on the profile. I think you've done a good job.

You can take or leave my advice, but I am an NT who found my Aspie man on a dating website.

First of all, you are very attractive, so score for that! I would remove the last photo though as it kind of makes you look 12... The other ones do not though. As much as we like to avoid it, the truth is looks matter. You don't have to be a stud, but she needs to find you charming.

Secondly, go vibrams! Love it.

Thirdly, yes, take the advice of others on here and treat it somewhat like a resume... grammar, etc. I would also recommend removing your income and your school. You can keep what you are studying, but too much personal info is not good.

Fourth, it is okay to mention that you would like to date someone who would like to jump in and join you in some of your interests.

The last thing I would say is that I was always drawn to profiles that made me smile. See if you can infuse a bit of your personality into it. Make a nerdy reference that a nerdy girl would find funny. If she gets it, you know she is your type.

And with all that said... My bf had a terrible profile and we still ended up meeting We joke all the time about how horrible his profile was and yet there was still something about him that drew me in. Message like crazy, don't worry about rejections and remember you are awesome and you can be picky too.

Why?? Why you NT women have this...."logic?"

Do you really think a girl who doesn't tolerate an income less than $20000 will do so after she finds out later on after few dates? Why wasting time?

First I should note that I am a guy.

Your profile is really good! Much better than I could ever get mine to be. Your main picture is the right kind of picture for your profile. In general, the rest of your pictures are really good too.

The only thing I'd advise you on is that in the "Six things" paragraph, you should actually list six things. Everyone else has taken the time to fully complete their profile; you should too (if they haven't fully completed everything, they aren't serious about finding someone, or - even worse - they expect you to do all the work). You can list some obvious things too. I've seen girls list air, oxygen, their phone, family, animals/pets, the sun, etc. in their "Six things". If you have to pull from the "duh" list it's not the end of the world. Even so, just because you think it's completely obvious doesn't mean that the girl checking you out will too.

I think most women are more interested in how well they get along with someone than in how much money they make....could be wrong, but that's been my experience. HOWEVER....I do agree that the less personal information (including income) in the profile, the better. There may be things that women THINK are important that might cause them to rule someone out, when in fact if they got to know that person, might not matter at all.

A profile, IMO, should say more about WHO you are than WHAT you are. I don't talk about my job or my income or my national heritage, etc., in my online profile. Instead I talk about the things I like, and to some extent my strongest beliefs, i.e., religion, politics - IOW, things that might be dealbreakers for me or the other person. I doubt that income would be a dealbreaker for most. There is a difference between "currently unemployed/underemployed" vs. "permanently unemployable."

Unless he's quite socially charming to make her sleep with him and make her blindly in love with him after few dates, hiding income from a girl who cares about it is just delaying the inevitable.




Women....

Things are possibly somewhat different in your country, Boo. Most American women work themselves, so a partner's income is less likely to be a dealbreaker unless she belongs to one of the hyperconservative religious factions that still believe a woman's place is barefooted and pregnant in the kitchen and financially dependent on her husband for everything.

In any case, it's not necessary, and strongly NOT recommended to reveal that up front. Not putting it in your profile is not the same as hiding it.

Men also quite likely have a list of qualities they believe are necessary in a mate - for example, bra size - but later may find that B cups are okay, too. Thinking something superficial is vitally important and later discovering that it really is superficial is not the exclusive bailiwick of wimmenz.

By the way, I thought your profile was quite good, Briareos. My only comments were the same as the others. Fix the capitalization and the few other little errors like "quiets" instead of "quiet."

Heh, that's a boost to the ego! I always think I'm not that good looking, or just average.


I can understand that, considering that photo was taken when I was 17/18 and I'm now very close to 21. I know looks count, as it's what would draw people in.


Yeah, I'm all about unique footwear! For the winter I wear mukluks to get the same barefoot feeling.


The fact I missed that grammar error annoyed me profusely. I always try to take such care into what I write.
I'll remove the income, but not the school I go to; I've seen plenty of people who list what school they are studying at and I see no quarrel with doing so.


Ok. If I met a girl who could ski/snowboard or wanted to learn how to ski - because I can certainly teach her - that would be the best. I'll put that in!


I'll need to give the photos some thought and effort before they'd be good.


Ok, well I can talk about interests, but it's closing the deal that I kind of don't know how to do so well. Like from talking about interests to making a meet up happen.

Why don't you have any more recent pictures? Unless you look exactly the same now, I think it's better to post the most recent pics possible, that way if you wind up meeting someone in person, they won't get upset over the fact that you look different.

Other than that, your profile looks good. You're like the white version of me.

Zounds, you caught me!


well, in some ways I kind of am looking for someone who can ride with me. I think it's hard to try to tone down that emphasis in skiing as it makes up such a big chunk of what I do with my time in the winter.
Way to hit the nail on the head. Yeah, if you saw me in person I might be very shy and almost mute.
What I'm struggling with here is what I should add to my profile to give me a little extra "edge". I'm not sure what else I could say about me that could make myself as a person appear more appealing.


Well I have removed the income thing, and I guess I can remove the westward moving stuff too.
What clichés are you referring to? Again I'm not too sure what else about me I could put in that makes me seem a little more unique. I think I might have to do some reflection or something I'm not sure.

I think I just had a brainwave... Maybe I should elaborate on what kind of video games I like to play and what kind of TV shows I like to watch...?

Last edited by Briareos on 12 Feb 2014, 7:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.