Anyone Here Adopted?

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I have no clue who my adoptive parents are at all. I have no idea what ethnicity or heritage I have.

It's nice to know there are other's out there who, as B19 put it, are experiencing "the double whammy of adoption and aspergers," and surviving...maybe even thriving considering what we are up against. I just wanted to know I wasn't alone (I knew I couldn't be, but just needed to confirm it).

Eureka13, I relate very much to your upbringing. I was no intellectual superstar, but I was significantly more book-smart than my adoptive parents (they will admit that), who were HS grads. Both my bio parents were college educated, and I always knew I wanted to go to college, which I did. The point is, I think the gap in "intellectual curiosity" between us was part of the rift. We just did not view the world the same way at all.

Michael517, I love your quote, that autistic people "fulfill their role well, perhaps better than anyone else could, and we are talking of people who as children had the greatest difficulties and caused untold worries to their care-givers." If society on the whole recognized, appreciated, and focused on our strengths, as Hans Asperger did, rather than trying so hard to squeeze us into their pre-conceived molds, we might be a much more well-balanced group of people who would probably spend less time seeking treatment and diagnoses, and more time happily fulfilling our intended roles in life.

Thanks to each of you for the feedback.

I am 50. Papers were signed and I was surrendered at birth. I was put into foster care for three months. Then I was given to adoped parents. A-mom was narcissistic and paranoid. Father was her enabler. Between my mother and my body (allergies, joint problems, neurological problems, GI issues, and anxiety) I had a tormented childhood. My true birth records are sealed. I am using DNA and search angels to uncover my identity. I was recently diagnosed ASD (aspie). For years i had been misdiagnosed or always a symptom short. Autism fits.

I found this question because I am curious about the intersection of autism and adoption. I nevet had children and I feel so alien in my own body. I hope to find a parent or a hslf sibling to see if it would help me feel more human.

I am an Aspie and was put up for adoption when I was 2 weeks old. I spent 2 weeks in a foster home and was then adopted. I often wonder if my biological mother could tell there was something wrong or different with me, and that led to putting me up for adoption.

I got a copy of my original birth certificate a few years ago and was able to locate my birth mother. I never got to talk with her but she made in plain in other ways that she wanted nothing to do with me. That kind of hurt. My biological father was never listed on my birth certificate, and a couple of organizations tried to find out who he was through my biological mother, but she wouldn't share the information. Guess that is something I will never know.

A good book on how adoption messes you up is "The Primal Wound". I don't know if I completely agree with the author's theory, but I do have many of the feelings that she talks about. Combine those with Asperger's and you get a recipe for disaster.

I did my DNA and met some amazing 3rd and 4th Cajun cousins. It seems most people however don't want a thing to do with an adoptee. With search angels and DNA it is possible to find a father or siblings for curiosity or pissible contact. Rejection again is another possibility. I still haven't found mine yet.

The Primal Wound is an interesting read.

We are different and not broken nor less.

Our surrender affected us, but was not about us or who we are. It was about the birth parents and their situation. We are traumatized and adversely affected because of the abandonment, but it is not a reflection of us. The Autism/Aspergers makes it even harder.

I have an aspie therapist who uses somatic therapy for trauma and my neurological and sensory processing problems. I'll see jow it hoes. Be well

I was adopted after six weeks.

I traced my biological parents at the age of 24. I discovered then that my biological father was autistic.

Much of my life growing up in my adopted family I was told daily that I was odd, strange, peculiar etc. The psychological abuse drove me deep within myself and I learned to adapt as if my life depended upon it. Which it did.

I was an aspie, then adaptee, then became an amputee, in so much as I had to cut off my true self in order to survive.

When I traced my biological father I was perplexed and deeply effected. For he never needed to adapt at all, he grew up in a very bohemian environment where anything was accepted. In contrast to myself where I grew up with very very fearful, conservative parents that had an all consuming obsession to be normal at all costs. That cost being everyone's mental health.

It's interesting to note that my biological father has never suffered depression in his life, yet has no friends and lives in complete isolation. In contrast to myself that has many friends yet suffered all my life with depression.

One of the greatest ironies in my life has been that my biggest achievement, my highly adaptive skills, became the greatest impediment in me getting the diagnosis of high functioning autism and hence the support I so desperately needed.

The issues of identity, alienation the longing for love and the distress of trying so hard to connect and communicate is common place for everyone. However, people with HFA have a greater challenge and people with HFA as well as being adopted have an even greater challenge too.

Today, ten years on from my diagnosis I can say I have found a happiness that I could not have dreamed possible.

I found peace with my adopted parents, I even came to love then before they died. Yet perhaps my greatest of all achievements is not being bitter and finding it in myself to forgive them. Paradoxically this very forgiveness was conceived in forgiving myself for abandoning myself.

I know that adoptees with HFA don't hold a monopoly on feeling alienated or suffering from trauma, it's just that this has been part of my journey. I don't see myself as a survivor, for I have an identity way beyond my neurology and the circumstances that shaped my earliest experiences.

My biological father was allowed to be himself and was accepted for who he was.

I also know many people who were happily adopted and deeply accepted.

Thanks for sharing this Quaker! I really related to this:

"One of the greatest ironies in my life has been that my biggest achievement, my highly adaptive skills, became the greatest impediment in me getting the diagnosis of high functioning autism and hence the support I so desperately needed. "

I have been struggling my whole life with physical and sensory issues and been treated poorly by professionals and family that didn't understand and were antagonistic, annoyed and dismissive. I was oot yet blivious to the social issues and thought I was fine socially and that people just didn't like me. Now I know better.

Unlike you, I have not met anyone who was not adversely affected by the trauma of adoption. Most of my life I denied that I was affected. I also denied that I was bullied and abused. It is painful and shameful for me to admit how I am affected by all of this.

I am glad you are more at peace now. I am working on it, and it is painful and necessary to understand myself and my history.

I was. I never met my biological mother, but I'm told I had to go see her at a psychologist's office or something so they could observe her reaction to me to prove or disprove she was a fit parent. I don't remember any of this.
NO ONE knew anything about my biological father. But rumor had it he was a playboy who had several illegitimate children with different women. Supposedly he met my biological mother at the local dive bar and that's where they hit it off and had me.

I just watched Rent-a kid. Can anyone remember that?