If you tell them your an aspie they will dump you!

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AspieOtaku
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14 Mar 2014, 12:57 am

Its true if you tell them your an aspie off the bat they will dump you and if they find out later they will dump you there has to be somewhere inbetween when dating NTs.


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OliveOilMom
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14 Mar 2014, 1:18 am

My husband found out when I did that I was. This was after a couple decades of marriage though, so we were used to each others issues. I think maybe people just don't know what to expect when you say that. They will expect you to throw a fit over missing Judge Wapner or something like that out of the blue. I'd suggest that when you want to explain some quirk or something just say "I've got a little neurological wierd wiring, but it's no big deal. It's nothing to worry about, I'll explain it later" and let it go.

Oh, and BTW, I didn't hang up on you the other night. My phone ran out of minutes and just died on me! I enjoyed talking to you! When I get more minutes we will have to talk again! Thanks for that, it's nice to get support when you need it, and with the run of crappy luck I've been having, boy did I ever need it. (read about the car wreck today in the haven as well, plus my dog got out last night and was out all night so I was up all night trying to get him back in, etc). Things have got to start going better for me, they seriously do. ((hugs))


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GivePeaceAChance
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14 Mar 2014, 8:10 am

I am always open this way if anyone can't take it I don't worry about ending it early. I have actually found someone, just takes time to find the right person.


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TheGoggles
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14 Mar 2014, 9:13 am

No, this is not necessarily true. You're just posting an insecurity you have and hoping that other people will confirm it. Again.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Mar 2014, 9:22 am

AspieOtaku wrote:
Its true if you tell them your an aspie off the bat they will dump you and if they find out later they will dump you there has to be somewhere inbetween when dating NTs.


What are the personal experiences that made you conclude that?



thewhitrbbit
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14 Mar 2014, 10:57 am

It certainly happens, and if you lead off with it, it might be more likely to occur.

But as you get to know and love someone, love will balance our some of the quirks.



akrasia
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14 Mar 2014, 10:58 am

I'm an NT dating an Aspie. Hypothesis disproven.


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Homer_Bob
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14 Mar 2014, 1:03 pm

I would never use the word "aspie." I never liked that word. I would tell them in a different way. First things first is I would make sure they even knew what aspergers is because many people still don't. If they have a really negative reaction about it, I would know ahead a time that relationship would never work.


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Eccles_the_Mighty
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14 Mar 2014, 5:46 pm

If you tell someone on a dating site about ANY medical issue it will look like a big red flag and you'll probably get dumped. The same applies to things like criminal records, you just don't talk about that sort of stuff until well into a relationship, preferably when the person concerned is in your arms and you're having a relaxing end to the day.

Done right this will have no effect on your relationship. When I told my girlfriend that I had AS she just kissed me on the cheek, said "Oh, I wondered what it was" and then carried on raiding the bag of chocolates we were meant to be sharing.


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GivePeaceAChance
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15 Mar 2014, 7:54 am

Eccles_the_Mighty wrote:
If you tell someone on a dating site about ANY medical issue it will look like a big red flag and you'll probably get dumped. The same applies to things like criminal records, you just don't talk about that sort of stuff until well into a relationship, preferably when the person concerned is in your arms and you're having a relaxing end to the day.

Done right this will have no effect on your relationship. When I told my girlfriend that I had AS she just kissed me on the cheek, said "Oh, I wondered what it was" and then carried on raiding the bag of chocolates we were meant to be sharing.


part of the major fault of online dating - really shallow people aseem to be the ones using it.

both myself and the womon I am currently involved with have issues, and we were each open about it from the beginning - how can you possibly have a good relationship if it STARTS with deception.


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capri0112
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15 Mar 2014, 8:04 am

I did not know I was on the spectrum until I was well into 10 years of marriage with 2 kids (we've now been together 20 years). My husband is committed to our relationship and our family, though I sometimes wonder what the future holds. Autism is very hard on all relationships.

If I ever were to enter the dating world again, I'm not sure how I would handle the "reveal." Ideally, I would be with someone who is also on the spectrum, so it wouldn't matter.


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Halfmadgenius
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15 Mar 2014, 4:59 pm

I am upfront about my issues and guys never really seem to have a problem with it. My lack of a love life has to do with other factors.

How you say it could be key. And unless the guy seems really cool I usually just warn them I have issues with eye contact before the first meeting and leave the who issue unnamed until a few dates in.



ToJaFro
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15 Mar 2014, 9:03 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:
I would never use the word "aspie." I never liked that word. I would tell them in a different way. First things first is I would make sure they even knew what aspergers is because many people still don't. If they have a really negative reaction about it, I would know ahead a time that relationship would never work.


Mah boi... This peace is what all true warriors strive for...

Sorry, I couldn't resist :lol:.


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AspieOtaku
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15 Mar 2014, 11:30 pm

ToJaFro wrote:
Homer_Bob wrote:
I would never use the word "aspie." I never liked that word. I would tell them in a different way. First things first is I would make sure they even knew what aspergers is because many people still don't. If they have a really negative reaction about it, I would know ahead a time that relationship would never work.


Mah boi... This peace is what all true warriors strive for...

Sorry, I couldn't resist :lol:.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2zh7nicC3E[/youtube]


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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


yellowtamarin
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15 Mar 2014, 11:50 pm

That's not my experience at all. They are usually just interested to learn more. But I don't tend to date the NT-est of NTs. Often they'll say they suspect they have aspie traits as well, which leads to plenty of very interesting conversations and certainly no dumping.

The last person I was on a date with, we had a lengthy discussion about our personality types and why we like and dislike certain things. After a while I said that "pretty much all of this is explained by the fact that I have autism" (this is our first date), and his reaction was just plain curiosity/interest.



AspieOtaku
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16 Mar 2014, 12:24 am

Well sometimes it might be my INTJ personality type which is not the most compatible with most NTs. Sometimes I just feel like I have to hide myself for relationships to work because there are still a lot who do not understand and instantly assume high maintinence. Sorry for the generalizations of NTs I just get frustrated at times I just wish I could open up but fear rejection because of it and it usually results in that. It hurts it hurts a lot and I try to change myself to try and fit the expectations of others but it is emotionally draining.


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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList