Self-diagnosed and incorrect

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Actually I saw my therapist this morning and she agrees that I have depressed mood but that I don't have self esteem issues. According to her my thinking style indicates my self esteem is very good actually, I just get down about my situation and social isolation brought on by my social problems which she still thinks are spectrum related as opposed to just social anxiety. So it probably is possible to have low mood and have healthy self esteem. I guess it depends on your type of depression (clinical or situational).

That would be me.
Three years ago I decided to get an official diagnosis. I had taken several tests online prior to my appointment which led me to suspect AS.........although that was right before DSM V.
The official questionnaire was exactly the same as the online questionnaire.
I assumed I was not diagnosed for these reasons:
A new definition of AS.
I was 46 at the time. If I had made it this far without a diagnosis, why do it now.
I was supposed to have a family/friend fill out the same questionnaire which I decided not to do.
I sensed that the Dr. thought I was looking for SSI benefits which I wasn't. I had a good job at the time.

From the expensive two hour meeting, I walked away even more unsure of myself. I felt the "expert" didn't properly diagnose.
She said that if I went to one of her group meetings, I would know that I didn't belong. I found that remark insulting to those on the AS.

At this point, I am just white-knuckling it. There really isn't anything I can do (which may be what the Dr. thought after seeking help).

Which doctor was this one? I am searching for experts for na oficial evaluation. At least can you tell me from what área she is?

It's been more than three years since I first met with high-functioning autism and AS. My view on the diagnosis changed a little over this period of time. At first I wanted to be diagnosed because I wanted a reason for my eccentricities and difficulties and also wanted to belong to a group. My diagnosis didn't turn out the way I hoped (and perhaps expected): I was given the amorphous PDD-NOS label, but "at least" I had been officially granted the admission to the autism spectrum...

I've read many self-reports here on WP on how diagnosing processes go, and I know about a few IRL, too. Some of them seem rather superficial imho: no caregivers, former caregivers, parents, people who know the person in question well had been involved at all. I still doubt my diagnosis to a small degree, though it included ADOS and ADI-R standardized diagnostic tools, all well-regarded by ASD professionals. Somehow I get the feeling that if a person (an adult) wants an AS diagnosis for whatever reason, they can get it, if they have the necessary time and money to get one, and have the necessary amount of autistic traits, which I think is a rather loose criterion, in practice may be including as high as 5% of the population (BAP), with various possible underlying mental issues, ranging from social anxiety to bipolar across many labels at various degrees but mostly subclinical, all of which can mimic autistic behavior at a point or another.

Since the professionals who diagnosed me never disclosed to me the necessary information to get to know myself better (which would have been valuable, imo), I've been researching the topic of mental disorders over these years, because I felt that knowing about ASD itself just isn't enough to help myself. In this process it occurred to me that many HFA folks (including me) may have a few traits of different personality disorders that are mostly (but not always) subclinical and when untreated and unrecognized may render the person to underachieve or staggering maladaptively in life.

Autistic people tend to meet the criteria of a higher number of cluster A and cluster C personality disorders than the general population. Also, schizotypal traits were found to be quite common among autistic adolescents, to the point that the distinguishing factor for diagnosis is that if symptoms start in childhood it's autism, but if they start in adolescence, it's schizotypal.

This is what scares me, that I could be one of those people - even though my therapist is fairly confident that I'll get an "official" diagnosis. For me it's important because it changes me from weird, awkward, lazy to having a neurological condition. One of the reasons I've made such huge leaps forward in therapy in the last few months has been this unofficial diagnosis and the new understanding that it's brought.

...what if they say it's something else???

Trying not to panic about it.

Have sent off my questionnaires to the local psych who does the evals and the wait to see if he'll ask me in for a proper assessment is horrible.

I met some and they were whining because several doctors told them they didn't have Asperger's
People like that make me laugh, really. I mean, I understand if you don't trust the opinion of a single doctor, but if you get accurately tested several times by several different experts you should just shut up and be thankful that you don't have the disorder. It's like if I insisted to get diagnosed with borderline personality disorder while I don't have it.

WORD!

BPD sucks so much.

I did it the opposite way. I self diagnosed with PTSD for years. Then after my son got diagnosed with aspergers, my sons Doctor asked to meet me a few times alone. After a few meetings he proceeded to tell me I may have some PTSD issues, but it wasn't the root cause for all my issues. Shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with AS. It can happen both ways.

That's what came out of the EMDR work I did recently - I have PTSD, but actually the root cause of a lot of the trauma we worked on in that session (to do with feeling or being told I wasn't good enough or that I had to hide my true self) is a lack of understanding on the part of either myself or another party.

Looking back at all the incidents we worked through in that session, they could all be explained by ASD traits.

droppy - I honestly don't understand why somebody would want to have ASD or any other mental illness when they haven't got it. It explains so much for me, but regardless of how the diagnosis turns out I will work through the issues I have and try to find a way forward.

I don't recall ever formally self-diagnosing myself. I took some sort of AS scale and passed with flying colors I was diagnosed by a neurologist with AS right as I graduated high school.

I am going (more or less) through the same situation! I will be evaluated in a couple of months, I am already searching the specialists. I am sooo anxious!! ! I totally understand what you are feeling. Tomorrow I am going to tell my sister my suspitions...

can you explain me what is the difference?

I am self-diagnosed, I suppose. I really believe I am on the spectrum, and I saw a psychiatrist recently (literally for 30 minutes--- NOT a specialist, btw) who told me I don't have Aspergers. It was like a punch in the gut. It was insulting because I felt like she didn't believe me or even hear that I have these issues I recognize as spectrum issues.

I'm going in for an evaluation in two months at a clinic in NY that specializes in women on the spectrum, so I'll be interested to hear what they have to say. It is a two-day event, and not cheap (~$1000), but much cheaper than evaluations I've found close by me (and that was a coincidence...I wasn't looking for cheaper, just happened that way).

I feel like I finally found my identity in Aspergers. I would be devastated if it was taken away from me because of a medical professional who didn't really know what was going on inside my head.

I feel the same way. It's one of the reasons, along with anxiety over the process and the lack of funds, that I keep putting it off.

I am afraid the psychologist is going to laugh at my face when I tell my suspicions, or else, after the evaluation say something like: "you don't have AS, you don't have anything, you are just freaking crazy"

It's called the Aspire Center for Learning. They say on their website that they specialize in adult women with ASD. This is one of the only places I've found that does. I think I found one in Michigan and one in Colorado, but NY is easiest for me.

http://www.aspirecenterforlearning.com/