social skills just as good as NT's when younger...

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Outrider
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04 May 2014, 3:01 am

wblastyn wrote:
I thought I fit in well in primary school (age 4-11) but everything went to hell in secondary school (age 11-18). I was really awkward, never fit in and I got bullied, plus the increasing awareness that you're different from everyone else made me depressed.

I think it's a combination of what others have said - socialisation was easier plus our lack of self awareness probably made it appear we were more socially competent as children.


I know the feeling. I'm a very social Aspie, as a kid I was very talkative and social, and conversational, but now I have to be more watchful that I don't come across as awkward.

I think everything that's been said is true. Socialization becomes more complex and more demanding of us, and we become aware of our differences more.

As children, we can appear to have perfectly normal social skills, our behavior may just be odd or strange, but our actual communication skills are considered average/good. Us aspies live in blissful ignorance. We don't realize we are different because we don't come across that way. No one sees us as different. However when we are teenagers their social skills go into overdrive while we realize how different we really are/were.



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04 May 2014, 12:11 pm

I felt pretty normal and socially co-operative when I was little (like at primary school), but obviously I was lacking something because I didn't have many friends at all. I was quite accepted for an Aspie, but I wasn't as accepted as what I probably would have been if I were NT, if that makes sense. My friendship status would go up and down; sometimes kids were friendly to me and wanted to sit next to me in class etc, other times I felt alone and left out. I was invited to some birthday parties, but not as many as some kids are.

I was socially normal as a toddler. I even remember when I was 3 coming out of preschool and me and another little girl were skipping along, while our mums walked a few paces behind. Then we went to the park, where lots of other mums and toddlers were, and I remember not wanting to go on the little slide because nobody else was on it. Then when some other little kids went on it, I immediately went on it and had fun taking in turns sliding down. Then my mum said that when we had to go I cried because I was enjoying playing with the other kids.


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10 Oct 2014, 11:03 pm

Nooooooooooooooo social skills.
Nooooooooooooooo understanding of people.
Nooooooooooooooo Nooooooooooooooo Nooooooooooooooo


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Kiprobalhato
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11 Oct 2014, 2:14 am

i was certainly a lot more confident but i don't see myself as being more "normal" then than i am now.
it's that they, as kids, accepted it more. it;s not like now where image and reputation is such a big effing deal.

but i was always a tag along.


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11 Oct 2014, 7:00 am

Recently I talked to my childhood friend and I told him I haven't change much socially since the time we spent together (I was 15, he was 12 when we stopped playing - because he changed somehow). He told me "You were not that bad, don't worry.".
So I guess my social skills were fine enough when I was a kid, although I was always behind my peers. I was always hanging out with younger peers (2-6 years younger) and I couldn't find any friend in my own age. I was always sitting alone or with anyone the teacher told me to in the classroom. My earliest class-friendships started when I was 12 but even then it wasn't a real friendship. Every year I have had a new "friend" and each ended up hurting me.



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11 Oct 2014, 2:49 pm

neobluex wrote:
My social skills were not better. Socialization was easier.

This pretty much summarizes it for me.



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15 Oct 2014, 10:46 am

Mine are better now then they were when I was a kid. In elementary school I was perceived as anti social and lacked social skills. Hardly talked, hardly acknowledged people and if someone was to call out my name when I was outside playing, I wouldn't respond. People would say hello and I wouldn't wave or reply back. I only spoke to family and never raised my hand or talked in class. By middle school and high school I would be social but it took me a really long time to get a good handle on social skills. I was bad with boundaries, couldn't always read cues until people would get upset and yell at me and dump my friendship because I was too clingy or needy or weird for them. I took it upon myself to teach myself basic cues, and I can read most cues now, and can pass off NT sometimes, but I can get overwhelmed easily and there's times where I still have trouble respecting boundaries. I'm very self aware now so I constantly work with myself to ensure I don't come off too strong.