how do you know when it's time to give up?

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Marky9
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30 May 2014, 8:10 am

When face with such I give myself permission to mentally just tell the world to bugger-off and leave me alone. Then I give myself whatever amount of time is needed for me to recharge. My primate drive for socialization eventually leads me to shake it all off, pick myself up, and have another go at it with a more realistic set of expectations of others and how they will most likely choose to relate to me.


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Janissy
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30 May 2014, 8:32 am

You are at a crossroads. It's part of the human condition. The way you respond to being at a crossroad is part of what shapes your entire life. I have used the following algorithm for crossroad points and it has been very helpful.

1)Define what exactly it is you are trying to achieve. Say/write "I am going to give up trying to....." and fill in the blank. Example: "I am going to stop trying to get into Harvard/get a girlfriend/get accepted into that particular social group/be spontaneous" or whatever it is.

2)Take a break from trying to achieve that goal. If you work best with schedules then give yourself a time limit, a week, a month, the rest of a school year.

3)When that time limit is up, revisit the goal. Do you still want to achieve it? If no......yay! A source of stress just disappeared. If yes, think very deeply about why you want to achieve it. "If I accomplish X then Y will happen". "Y" is your true goal.

An example of the process: "I want to learn to drive". Why? "If I learn to drive, I won't be dependent on my parents for getting around and can do it independently". Getting around without reliance on parents is the true goal.

4)Once you have realized your true goal, as opposed to the goal you were going to give up on, you can think of alternative ways to accomplish it. In the above example, if getting around independent of parents is the true goal, learning to drive is not the only way to accomplish it. Learning local bus routes and seeing if you qualify for ride services is another way.

5)You can also re-try your original goal. It may be that taking a break was all you needed to refresh your mid and body. From a personal example I did not learn to drive until I was in my 20's. I repeatedly failed driving tests. I stopped trying and used buses as an alternative way of meeting my independence goal. I re-enrolled in driving school in my 20's and this time passed the test. It turns out that I needed a few years for my brain to mature into the necessary multitasking skills to drive. And I needed for the earlier failures to be less of a stressful fresh memory. So sometimes a break is all that is needed. Sometimes a fresh approach to the original goal is also helpful. As a teen., my Dad helped coach me in driving but that was stressful. A professional instructor was less stressful. Sometimes alternative paths to your goal work better.

6)Sometimes you can't accomplish either your original goal or true goal. Then it's healthiest to not continue bashing your head against that goal and make peace with not accomplishing it. But don't stop there! Instead, find a different true goal- a new path completely different from the one you are currently following. That is easier said than done and usually requires some sort of epiphany to guide you to a new goal and new path. But you seem like somebody who has good personal insight and a likely candidate for that sudden "a-ha!" moment when you realize you would be happier pursuing some completely different thing.



BuyerBeware
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30 May 2014, 8:35 am

If they're not forgiving of human error-- and autistic blunders are human error, the same mistakes everyone makes, just bigger and more often-- then it's time to give up.

At least, on them. Not in general.

You don't need to accept yourself as broken and curl up and die.

You just need to take a break, and then start turning over some different rocks.


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Tawaki
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30 May 2014, 9:05 am

I see you are 13. 13-15 are just suck ages. You aren't the *little kid* and you aren't an *adult*. Your peers act like inconsistent mutants, and school is bearing down on you like cement out of a mixer. Your parents are all snippy. When I was 13, I wanted to hibernate until I was 21. And I'm an NT. 13 certainly wasn't easier for me. Lol...

The worse part of 13 is you have no perspective. You haven't lived long enough to get some life lessons in. It's hard to tell when you should think, f**k it, and what is a real worry. At 50 (egads! I'm older than dirt), it is much easier to know what is important because life has ground me under it's stylish heel a few times.

I found getting older gave me this..

You learn who is a true friend and who is a user.

You learn about YOU. What do I want that is separate from my teachers, parents, and society deems important.

I have value because I'm breathing. I am alive, and that is a pretty spiffy gift. Where there is life, things can change. Now, I'll be honest, it is hard to figure out what to change or adjust, not easy at all. But the ability to make adjustments is still a cool thought.

I feel terrible school is so rough for you. I don't know what happened, so I won't comment on that.

As for the forms. Do you list your age? Most adults cut younger people slack. I do. I remember how I acted like a knuckle head at 13. And that was waaaay before computers. I hate to think what social faux pas I would have made back then. It wouldn't have been pretty.

For me, when I have had *issues cough cough flame wars* on a forum, I voluntarily bow out for one week. This is usually enough time for things to calm the hell down and move on. Then lurk for one week. By that time things are cool.

The worse think on a forum to do is multiple posts trying to explain either your POV why you posted something or to prove you are right. I've never really seen that work, and it just fules the chaos.

I hope you day is going better.

Hang in there!



Tawaki
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30 May 2014, 9:06 am

Duplicate post..



Adamantium
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30 May 2014, 1:43 pm

EzraS wrote:
Adamantium wrote:
If by giving up you mean suicide


no no no. i'm scared to death of dying. i just mean accept my limitations and give up on stuff i'm not cut out for instead of pushing myself too hard.

Adamantium wrote:


thanks, i needed that :)


:D I'm glad you enjoyed the Python--and glad you weren't thinking of giving up in the ultimate sense.

As for the limitations, a thing I have learned is not to give up, but to stop doing things that don't work.
If you are beating your head against a wall to get through and the only result is an injured head, try going around the barrier instead of through it.

And give yourself time to recover from big efforts and cut yourself some slack for your limitations, whatever they are. Respect them. Give them their due. Then get on with doing what you want and need by whatever means work.



vickygleitz
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30 May 2014, 3:37 pm

I'm praying for you Ezra. I hope today is a better day.



kraftiekortie
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30 May 2014, 5:59 pm

I'm sure you'll be fine, Ezra. You have lots of time to "expand" yourself; you're only starting out in life.

What is your favorite subject in school?



Dillogic
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30 May 2014, 6:04 pm

When you end up in a hospital (standard and/or mental).

It's a good sign for something is amiss and you really should step back.


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EzraS
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31 May 2014, 5:32 am

goldfish21 wrote:
EzraS wrote:
that was cool to watch. that's real similar to the kinda stuff i do for my dyspraxia.


Yeah, it is cool.. but did you get the point?? :)


yes and thank you, that was the cool part. i'm okay now. just went through a bad phase for a couple of days.

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm sure you'll be fine, Ezra. You have lots of time to "expand" yourself; you're only starting out in life.

What is your favorite subject in school?


History

Hey, thank you all so much everybody for putting time into counseling me. it really means a lot to me and helps so much. Thank you :heart:
.



goldfish21
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31 May 2014, 4:21 pm

Glad to hear that. :)

Here's another one I just watched after a friend shared it on Facebook:

[youtube]http://youtu.be/xjejTQdK5OI[/youtube]


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