I'm going to be Best Man at wedding... advice?

Page 1 of 1 [ 3 posts ] 

Clandestiny
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 29

29 May 2014, 11:33 pm

Okay, so this wedding is in two months and on the complete other side of the continent. I have attended few weddings, never been in a wedding party, and just realized best men have a lot of responsibilities.

If I were best man for a wedding in my city for someone I see every day, all the google advice would make total sense. However, for this wedding, I live on the opposite coast, have NO money to pay for ANYTHING except maybe my own food. I don't know ANY of the groom's friends (reason being, he probably doesn't have any as he's a loner similar to me. Probably has Aspergers come to think of it). I do however know a few of the bride's friends on friendly/acquaintance terms.

But what are my responsibilities when I A) Don't have a car, B) Don't have money to throw a bachelor party, C) Don't know anyone to invite for said bachelor party, D) Don't even know who the groomsmen are and have no idea what's going on in the planning (though knowing the bride, she's got it covered).

Right now that leaves my duties at - keeping track of the ring, escorting the maid of honor, dancing with the bride and bride's maids (shudder), and giving an eloquent and thoughtful toast that everyone will remember for the rest of their lives?

What can I do to make things easier for the groom? How can I politely figure out what's expected of me? How can I most of all ensure that this wedding goes as smoothly as possible for the groom and honor him in the way he deserves? Ugh... and I'm only just now recovering from a prolonged period of total shut down... thanks life and social norms...



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,613

30 May 2014, 5:44 am

Honestly, I'm surprised you were even asked. It makes no sense to ask someone to take on duties they can't manage.

You should have an honest discussion with the groom about what he expects of you. If what he wants/expects isn't possible because of your limitations (the inability to attend...cost-wise and the inability to perhaps throw a good bachelor's party), he either needs to change his expectations or ask someone else to serve as best man.

Don't guess...ask.

As far as a toast goes, run your idea and final draft past someone more NT for their thoughts before the wedding day so you know what you come up with is appropriate.



KingdomOfRats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,833
Location: f'ton,manchester UK

30 May 2014, 6:11 am

as the best man,at least just plan the 'stag do' for him.
was the female equivilent of the best man for sister [who is a undiagnosed aspie],didnt have to do much at all but came up with the plans for her 'hen night'-she loved it, it was just both of us staying at mums house-which the pair of us had never done together for at least a decade.
her husband looked after the kids.
we did baking [her favourite thing],watched loads of DVDs;she brought her box sets of dexter,family guy,american dad etc around...
we got out the xbox360 and played 'naughty bear' for a bit, we had got in ben and jerries ice cream plus chocolate paid for by mum and dad and were stuffing ourselves with it, no alcohol was involved that night as she doesnt drink any,then she had a nice bath and early night which was what she had wanted since before she got pregnant as her kids keep her up at all hours.

why not invite him to home and organise him a cheap stay in 'stag do'?


_________________
>severely autistic.
>>the residential autist; http://theresidentialautist.blogspot.co.uk
blogging from the view of an ex institutionalised autism/ID activist now in community care.
>>>help to keep bullying off our community,report it!