Consent or Rape?
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
19 Jan 2015, 5:21 am
That's a good advice:
Quote:
In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to want to tap the breaks, especially when you’re hearing “we should probably stop” rather than “let’s stop”. In fact, there was a point where to me, “We should probably stop” sounded an awful lot like “convince me I don’t want to stop”. And to be fair: sometimes that’s exactly what she was saying. However, there were more times when that “probably” meant “I want to stop but I don’t want to upset you by being direct”; women are often socialized to be indirect and less assertive than men and will at times frame a refusal or a request to stop or slow down as something other than a direct “no”… and you need to be willing to listen.
If you reach a point that she objects to, up to and including being inside her, then you stop and take a step back to something she was ok with… and you are completely cool with this. I cannot emphasize this enough: you are always absolutely fine with pulling back or coming to a full halt. You can try again a little later. She will let you know through her words and actions when a little persistance is ok and when it isn’t… so assume that it isn’t unless otherwise stated.
If she wants to stop, you are absolutely ok with it. You don’t argue, whine, wheedle or ask why. Nobody has ever argued or debated their way into a woman’s pants, and trying to do so just makes you look pathetic. The only acceptable response is “I understand,” and you immediately move on to something non-sexual. Turn up the lights, pull up your pants and do something else… without removing intimacy. You aren’t trying to shame or pressure her into sex by freezing her out, you’re trying to make her more comfortable. Pulling away – refusing to talk to her or otherwise shunning her is a supreme dick move; it’s coercive, it’s manipulative and it’s an attempt to play upon her the social contract and her insecurities in order to get what you want. It should be completely clear that you aren’t frustrated; you want to keep spending time with her, you want to have sex with her, but more importantly, you want her to be comfortable with you. So you’re dialing things back so that she’s more comfortable. When she’s ready, either she will re-establish the mood, or she’ll indicate that she wants you to start again. When she does, then progress slowly to where she wanted you to stop before. If she wants you to stop again, you stop again.
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when it feels like the finish line1 is within reach. Yeah, blue-balls can hurt. If you’re so horny that you can’t think straight, slip off to the bathroom and rub one out so you can calm the hell down.
There is no reason to feel frustrated; if things have gotten to this point, then she will sleep with you eventually. You can only hurt yourself when you’re in a hurry.
If you reach a point that she objects to, up to and including being inside her, then you stop and take a step back to something she was ok with… and you are completely cool with this. I cannot emphasize this enough: you are always absolutely fine with pulling back or coming to a full halt. You can try again a little later. She will let you know through her words and actions when a little persistance is ok and when it isn’t… so assume that it isn’t unless otherwise stated.
If she wants to stop, you are absolutely ok with it. You don’t argue, whine, wheedle or ask why. Nobody has ever argued or debated their way into a woman’s pants, and trying to do so just makes you look pathetic. The only acceptable response is “I understand,” and you immediately move on to something non-sexual. Turn up the lights, pull up your pants and do something else… without removing intimacy. You aren’t trying to shame or pressure her into sex by freezing her out, you’re trying to make her more comfortable. Pulling away – refusing to talk to her or otherwise shunning her is a supreme dick move; it’s coercive, it’s manipulative and it’s an attempt to play upon her the social contract and her insecurities in order to get what you want. It should be completely clear that you aren’t frustrated; you want to keep spending time with her, you want to have sex with her, but more importantly, you want her to be comfortable with you. So you’re dialing things back so that she’s more comfortable. When she’s ready, either she will re-establish the mood, or she’ll indicate that she wants you to start again. When she does, then progress slowly to where she wanted you to stop before. If she wants you to stop again, you stop again.
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when it feels like the finish line1 is within reach. Yeah, blue-balls can hurt. If you’re so horny that you can’t think straight, slip off to the bathroom and rub one out so you can calm the hell down.
There is no reason to feel frustrated; if things have gotten to this point, then she will sleep with you eventually. You can only hurt yourself when you’re in a hurry.
Quote:
Take The Lead
I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: leadership is sexy. You are going to be expected to be in charge – to the limits that she allows – so you need to be willing to take responsibility. When making out on the couch has reached the point that it’s time to take things to your bed, you don’t ask or verbalize; take her by the hand and lead her to your room. Once there, make yourself clear: you want to have sex… but only if you get an explicit and enthusiastic “yes” from her. If she’s less than enthusiastic, if she’s saying “…I guess” or is half-heartedly agreeing, then you’re not having sex.
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/09/g ... bed/all/1/
I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: leadership is sexy. You are going to be expected to be in charge – to the limits that she allows – so you need to be willing to take responsibility. When making out on the couch has reached the point that it’s time to take things to your bed, you don’t ask or verbalize; take her by the hand and lead her to your room. Once there, make yourself clear: you want to have sex… but only if you get an explicit and enthusiastic “yes” from her. If she’s less than enthusiastic, if she’s saying “…I guess” or is half-heartedly agreeing, then you’re not having sex.
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 19 Jan 2015, 5:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
19 Jan 2015, 5:24 am
Jono wrote:
1401b wrote:
Because women like it.
Go read some romance novels or listen to the callers of Dr. Laura who are unhappy because their man wont drag them off like an as$hole and rape them.
They may be "into you" but they're never going to admit it until way too late.
I call it rape and it kinda pisses me off that so many women* want it from me like that but wont say so until months after the fact or until they're fall down drunk. I don't wanna rape.
Call me weird, but I don't like to damage what I like.
*This is NOT unusual, this is very very common, so don't you dare call these women damaged, psycho, or broken unless you're willing to call ALL women damaged, psycho or broken.
Go read some romance novels or listen to the callers of Dr. Laura who are unhappy because their man wont drag them off like an as$hole and rape them.
They may be "into you" but they're never going to admit it until way too late.
I call it rape and it kinda pisses me off that so many women* want it from me like that but wont say so until months after the fact or until they're fall down drunk. I don't wanna rape.
Call me weird, but I don't like to damage what I like.
*This is NOT unusual, this is very very common, so don't you dare call these women damaged, psycho, or broken unless you're willing to call ALL women damaged, psycho or broken.
They want you to be able to tell when they want sex from their body language. Since we're people who don't read body language well, it's better for us to only communicate that verbally.
I wish this were true, what women really seem to want is for you to do what will turn out that they will be happy about.*
Meaning it's not even reading their minds because they usually don't know what they want, they just want it to end up wonderful.
If you can talk a woman into believing that it turned out wonderful then you can do ANYTHING to her that you wish.
Anything.
After the first O, you can talk a woman into anything.
For a while...
Even into believing she doesn't want you to rape her.
*in any regard, not just sex. You need to be able to predict the future and be as infallible as God.
_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
19 Jan 2015, 5:31 am
^They know very well what they want, it's just they are less likely to be direct or confront directly for cultural/physical reasons.
Quote:
After the first O, you can talk a woman into anything.
For a while...
Even into believing she doesn't want you to rape her.
\For a while...
Even into believing she doesn't want you to rape her.
I don't get that --- what the...?
19 Jan 2015, 5:33 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That's a good advice:
That last line is an ideal advice - however some women here and MANY on other forums expressed that it's not normal for a guy to verbally ask- weird.
Quote:
In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to want to tap the breaks, especially when you’re hearing “we should probably stop” rather than “let’s stop”. In fact, there was a point where to me, “We should probably stop” sounded an awful lot like “convince me I don’t want to stop”. And to be fair: sometimes that’s exactly what she was saying. However, there were more times when that “probably” meant “I want to stop but I don’t want to upset you by being direct”; women are often socialized to be indirect and less assertive than men and will at times frame a refusal or a request to stop or slow down as something other than a direct “no”… and you need to be willing to listen.
If you reach a point that she objects to, up to and including being inside her, then you stop and take a step back to something she was ok with… and you are completely cool with this. I cannot emphasize this enough: you are always absolutely fine with pulling back or coming to a full halt. You can try again a little later. She will let you know through her words and actions when a little persistance is ok and when it isn’t… so assume that it isn’t unless otherwise stated.
If she wants to stop, you are absolutely ok with it. You don’t argue, whine, wheedle or ask why. Nobody has ever argued or debated their way into a woman’s pants, and trying to do so just makes you look pathetic. The only acceptable response is “I understand,” and you immediately move on to something non-sexual. Turn up the lights, pull up your pants and do something else… without removing intimacy. You aren’t trying to shame or pressure her into sex by freezing her out, you’re trying to make her more comfortable. Pulling away – refusing to talk to her or otherwise shunning her is a supreme dick move; it’s coercive, it’s manipulative and it’s an attempt to play upon her the social contract and her insecurities in order to get what you want. It should be completely clear that you aren’t frustrated; you want to keep spending time with her, you want to have sex with her, but more importantly, you want her to be comfortable with you. So you’re dialing things back so that she’s more comfortable. When she’s ready, either she will re-establish the mood, or she’ll indicate that she wants you to start again. When she does, then progress slowly to where she wanted you to stop before. If she wants you to stop again, you stop again.
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when it feels like the finish line1 is within reach. Yeah, blue-balls can hurt. If you’re so horny that you can’t think straight, slip off to the bathroom and rub one out so you can calm the hell down.
There is no reason to feel frustrated; if things have gotten to this point, then she will sleep with you eventually. You can only hurt yourself when you’re in a hurry.
If you reach a point that she objects to, up to and including being inside her, then you stop and take a step back to something she was ok with… and you are completely cool with this. I cannot emphasize this enough: you are always absolutely fine with pulling back or coming to a full halt. You can try again a little later. She will let you know through her words and actions when a little persistance is ok and when it isn’t… so assume that it isn’t unless otherwise stated.
If she wants to stop, you are absolutely ok with it. You don’t argue, whine, wheedle or ask why. Nobody has ever argued or debated their way into a woman’s pants, and trying to do so just makes you look pathetic. The only acceptable response is “I understand,” and you immediately move on to something non-sexual. Turn up the lights, pull up your pants and do something else… without removing intimacy. You aren’t trying to shame or pressure her into sex by freezing her out, you’re trying to make her more comfortable. Pulling away – refusing to talk to her or otherwise shunning her is a supreme dick move; it’s coercive, it’s manipulative and it’s an attempt to play upon her the social contract and her insecurities in order to get what you want. It should be completely clear that you aren’t frustrated; you want to keep spending time with her, you want to have sex with her, but more importantly, you want her to be comfortable with you. So you’re dialing things back so that she’s more comfortable. When she’s ready, either she will re-establish the mood, or she’ll indicate that she wants you to start again. When she does, then progress slowly to where she wanted you to stop before. If she wants you to stop again, you stop again.
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when it feels like the finish line1 is within reach. Yeah, blue-balls can hurt. If you’re so horny that you can’t think straight, slip off to the bathroom and rub one out so you can calm the hell down.
There is no reason to feel frustrated; if things have gotten to this point, then she will sleep with you eventually. You can only hurt yourself when you’re in a hurry.
Quote:
Take The Lead
I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: leadership is sexy. You are going to be expected to be in charge – to the limits that she allows – so you need to be willing to take responsibility. When making out on the couch has reached the point that it’s time to take things to your bed, you don’t ask or verbalize; take her by the hand and lead her to your room. Once there, make yourself clear: you want to have sex… but only if you get an explicit and enthusiastic “yes” from her. If she’s less than enthusiastic, if she’s saying “…I guess” or is half-heartedly agreeing, then you’re not having sex.
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/09/g ... bed/all/1/I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: leadership is sexy. You are going to be expected to be in charge – to the limits that she allows – so you need to be willing to take responsibility. When making out on the couch has reached the point that it’s time to take things to your bed, you don’t ask or verbalize; take her by the hand and lead her to your room. Once there, make yourself clear: you want to have sex… but only if you get an explicit and enthusiastic “yes” from her. If she’s less than enthusiastic, if she’s saying “…I guess” or is half-heartedly agreeing, then you’re not having sex.
That last line is an ideal advice - however some women here and MANY on other forums expressed that it's not normal for a guy to verbally ask- weird.
It sounds good, but like with most anything on this topic, this is too simplified to be instructive.
I think an Aspie's main problem is not misreading signals - women are clear when they mean No - I think the problem is not knowing how to modify the situation to get the outcome we want BEFORE the woman makes up her mind.
Perhaps what we really need to ask is - what exactly do I want with this woman right now?
_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
19 Jan 2015, 5:37 am
1401b wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That's a good advice:
That last line is an ideal advice - however some women here and MANY on other forums expressed that it's not normal for a guy to verbally ask- weird.
Quote:
In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to want to tap the breaks, especially when you’re hearing “we should probably stop” rather than “let’s stop”. In fact, there was a point where to me, “We should probably stop” sounded an awful lot like “convince me I don’t want to stop”. And to be fair: sometimes that’s exactly what she was saying. However, there were more times when that “probably” meant “I want to stop but I don’t want to upset you by being direct”; women are often socialized to be indirect and less assertive than men and will at times frame a refusal or a request to stop or slow down as something other than a direct “no”… and you need to be willing to listen.
If you reach a point that she objects to, up to and including being inside her, then you stop and take a step back to something she was ok with… and you are completely cool with this. I cannot emphasize this enough: you are always absolutely fine with pulling back or coming to a full halt. You can try again a little later. She will let you know through her words and actions when a little persistance is ok and when it isn’t… so assume that it isn’t unless otherwise stated.
If she wants to stop, you are absolutely ok with it. You don’t argue, whine, wheedle or ask why. Nobody has ever argued or debated their way into a woman’s pants, and trying to do so just makes you look pathetic. The only acceptable response is “I understand,” and you immediately move on to something non-sexual. Turn up the lights, pull up your pants and do something else… without removing intimacy. You aren’t trying to shame or pressure her into sex by freezing her out, you’re trying to make her more comfortable. Pulling away – refusing to talk to her or otherwise shunning her is a supreme dick move; it’s coercive, it’s manipulative and it’s an attempt to play upon her the social contract and her insecurities in order to get what you want. It should be completely clear that you aren’t frustrated; you want to keep spending time with her, you want to have sex with her, but more importantly, you want her to be comfortable with you. So you’re dialing things back so that she’s more comfortable. When she’s ready, either she will re-establish the mood, or she’ll indicate that she wants you to start again. When she does, then progress slowly to where she wanted you to stop before. If she wants you to stop again, you stop again.
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when it feels like the finish line1 is within reach. Yeah, blue-balls can hurt. If you’re so horny that you can’t think straight, slip off to the bathroom and rub one out so you can calm the hell down.
There is no reason to feel frustrated; if things have gotten to this point, then she will sleep with you eventually. You can only hurt yourself when you’re in a hurry.
If you reach a point that she objects to, up to and including being inside her, then you stop and take a step back to something she was ok with… and you are completely cool with this. I cannot emphasize this enough: you are always absolutely fine with pulling back or coming to a full halt. You can try again a little later. She will let you know through her words and actions when a little persistance is ok and when it isn’t… so assume that it isn’t unless otherwise stated.
If she wants to stop, you are absolutely ok with it. You don’t argue, whine, wheedle or ask why. Nobody has ever argued or debated their way into a woman’s pants, and trying to do so just makes you look pathetic. The only acceptable response is “I understand,” and you immediately move on to something non-sexual. Turn up the lights, pull up your pants and do something else… without removing intimacy. You aren’t trying to shame or pressure her into sex by freezing her out, you’re trying to make her more comfortable. Pulling away – refusing to talk to her or otherwise shunning her is a supreme dick move; it’s coercive, it’s manipulative and it’s an attempt to play upon her the social contract and her insecurities in order to get what you want. It should be completely clear that you aren’t frustrated; you want to keep spending time with her, you want to have sex with her, but more importantly, you want her to be comfortable with you. So you’re dialing things back so that she’s more comfortable. When she’s ready, either she will re-establish the mood, or she’ll indicate that she wants you to start again. When she does, then progress slowly to where she wanted you to stop before. If she wants you to stop again, you stop again.
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when it feels like the finish line1 is within reach. Yeah, blue-balls can hurt. If you’re so horny that you can’t think straight, slip off to the bathroom and rub one out so you can calm the hell down.
There is no reason to feel frustrated; if things have gotten to this point, then she will sleep with you eventually. You can only hurt yourself when you’re in a hurry.
Quote:
Take The Lead
I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: leadership is sexy. You are going to be expected to be in charge – to the limits that she allows – so you need to be willing to take responsibility. When making out on the couch has reached the point that it’s time to take things to your bed, you don’t ask or verbalize; take her by the hand and lead her to your room. Once there, make yourself clear: you want to have sex… but only if you get an explicit and enthusiastic “yes” from her. If she’s less than enthusiastic, if she’s saying “…I guess” or is half-heartedly agreeing, then you’re not having sex.
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/09/g ... bed/all/1/I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: leadership is sexy. You are going to be expected to be in charge – to the limits that she allows – so you need to be willing to take responsibility. When making out on the couch has reached the point that it’s time to take things to your bed, you don’t ask or verbalize; take her by the hand and lead her to your room. Once there, make yourself clear: you want to have sex… but only if you get an explicit and enthusiastic “yes” from her. If she’s less than enthusiastic, if she’s saying “…I guess” or is half-heartedly agreeing, then you’re not having sex.
That last line is an ideal advice - however some women here and MANY on other forums expressed that it's not normal for a guy to verbally ask- weird.
It sounds good, but like with most anything on this topic, this is too simplified to be instructive.
I think an Aspie's main problem is not misreading signals - women are clear when they mean No - I think the problem is not knowing how to modify the situation to get the outcome we want BEFORE the woman makes up her mind.
Perhaps what we really need to ask is - what exactly do I want with this woman right now?
Nope, what really need to be asked is how to attract her, make her saying yes (or even initiating) and wanting us enthusiastically - while she's sober of course.
19 Jan 2015, 5:39 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^They know very well what they want, it's just they are less likely to be direct or confront directly for cultural/physical reasons.
I don't get that --- what the...?
Quote:
After the first O, you can talk a woman into anything.
For a while...
Even into believing she doesn't want you to rape her.
\For a while...
Even into believing she doesn't want you to rape her.
I don't get that --- what the...?
I said what I mean and I mean: they don't know what they want.
Oh generally, yeah, sure, they'll regurgitate the middle-school princess fantasy but anything more specific than that, nope.
But they will adamantly make claims about what they wanted, curiously it's always after the fact.
_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
19 Jan 2015, 5:41 am
1401b wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^They know very well what they want, it's just they are less likely to be direct or confront directly for cultural/physical reasons.
I don't get that --- what the...?
Quote:
After the first O, you can talk a woman into anything.
For a while...
Even into believing she doesn't want you to rape her.
\For a while...
Even into believing she doesn't want you to rape her.
I don't get that --- what the...?
I said what I mean and I mean: they don't know what they want.
Oh generally, yeah, sure, they'll regurgitate the middle-school princess fantasy but anything more specific than that, nope.
But they will adamantly make claims about what they wanted, curiously it's always after the fact.
Was asking about that bolded line.
19 Jan 2015, 6:01 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
1401b wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That's a good advice:
That last line is an ideal advice - however some women here and MANY on other forums expressed that it's not normal for a guy to verbally ask- weird.
Quote:
In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to want to tap the breaks, especially when you’re hearing “we should probably stop” rather than “let’s stop”. In fact, there was a point where to me, “We should probably stop” sounded an awful lot like “convince me I don’t want to stop”. And to be fair: sometimes that’s exactly what she was saying. However, there were more times when that “probably” meant “I want to stop but I don’t want to upset you by being direct”; women are often socialized to be indirect and less assertive than men and will at times frame a refusal or a request to stop or slow down as something other than a direct “no”… and you need to be willing to listen.
If you reach a point that she objects to, up to and including being inside her, then you stop and take a step back to something she was ok with… and you are completely cool with this. I cannot emphasize this enough: you are always absolutely fine with pulling back or coming to a full halt. You can try again a little later. She will let you know through her words and actions when a little persistance is ok and when it isn’t… so assume that it isn’t unless otherwise stated.
If she wants to stop, you are absolutely ok with it. You don’t argue, whine, wheedle or ask why. Nobody has ever argued or debated their way into a woman’s pants, and trying to do so just makes you look pathetic. The only acceptable response is “I understand,” and you immediately move on to something non-sexual. Turn up the lights, pull up your pants and do something else… without removing intimacy. You aren’t trying to shame or pressure her into sex by freezing her out, you’re trying to make her more comfortable. Pulling away – refusing to talk to her or otherwise shunning her is a supreme dick move; it’s coercive, it’s manipulative and it’s an attempt to play upon her the social contract and her insecurities in order to get what you want. It should be completely clear that you aren’t frustrated; you want to keep spending time with her, you want to have sex with her, but more importantly, you want her to be comfortable with you. So you’re dialing things back so that she’s more comfortable. When she’s ready, either she will re-establish the mood, or she’ll indicate that she wants you to start again. When she does, then progress slowly to where she wanted you to stop before. If she wants you to stop again, you stop again.
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when it feels like the finish line1 is within reach. Yeah, blue-balls can hurt. If you’re so horny that you can’t think straight, slip off to the bathroom and rub one out so you can calm the hell down.
There is no reason to feel frustrated; if things have gotten to this point, then she will sleep with you eventually. You can only hurt yourself when you’re in a hurry.
If you reach a point that she objects to, up to and including being inside her, then you stop and take a step back to something she was ok with… and you are completely cool with this. I cannot emphasize this enough: you are always absolutely fine with pulling back or coming to a full halt. You can try again a little later. She will let you know through her words and actions when a little persistance is ok and when it isn’t… so assume that it isn’t unless otherwise stated.
If she wants to stop, you are absolutely ok with it. You don’t argue, whine, wheedle or ask why. Nobody has ever argued or debated their way into a woman’s pants, and trying to do so just makes you look pathetic. The only acceptable response is “I understand,” and you immediately move on to something non-sexual. Turn up the lights, pull up your pants and do something else… without removing intimacy. You aren’t trying to shame or pressure her into sex by freezing her out, you’re trying to make her more comfortable. Pulling away – refusing to talk to her or otherwise shunning her is a supreme dick move; it’s coercive, it’s manipulative and it’s an attempt to play upon her the social contract and her insecurities in order to get what you want. It should be completely clear that you aren’t frustrated; you want to keep spending time with her, you want to have sex with her, but more importantly, you want her to be comfortable with you. So you’re dialing things back so that she’s more comfortable. When she’s ready, either she will re-establish the mood, or she’ll indicate that she wants you to start again. When she does, then progress slowly to where she wanted you to stop before. If she wants you to stop again, you stop again.
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when it feels like the finish line1 is within reach. Yeah, blue-balls can hurt. If you’re so horny that you can’t think straight, slip off to the bathroom and rub one out so you can calm the hell down.
There is no reason to feel frustrated; if things have gotten to this point, then she will sleep with you eventually. You can only hurt yourself when you’re in a hurry.
Quote:
Take The Lead
I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: leadership is sexy. You are going to be expected to be in charge – to the limits that she allows – so you need to be willing to take responsibility. When making out on the couch has reached the point that it’s time to take things to your bed, you don’t ask or verbalize; take her by the hand and lead her to your room. Once there, make yourself clear: you want to have sex… but only if you get an explicit and enthusiastic “yes” from her. If she’s less than enthusiastic, if she’s saying “…I guess” or is half-heartedly agreeing, then you’re not having sex.
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/09/g ... bed/all/1/I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: leadership is sexy. You are going to be expected to be in charge – to the limits that she allows – so you need to be willing to take responsibility. When making out on the couch has reached the point that it’s time to take things to your bed, you don’t ask or verbalize; take her by the hand and lead her to your room. Once there, make yourself clear: you want to have sex… but only if you get an explicit and enthusiastic “yes” from her. If she’s less than enthusiastic, if she’s saying “…I guess” or is half-heartedly agreeing, then you’re not having sex.
That last line is an ideal advice - however some women here and MANY on other forums expressed that it's not normal for a guy to verbally ask- weird.
It sounds good, but like with most anything on this topic, this is too simplified to be instructive.
I think an Aspie's main problem is not misreading signals - women are clear when they mean No - I think the problem is not knowing how to modify the situation to get the outcome we want BEFORE the woman makes up her mind.
Perhaps what we really need to ask is - what exactly do I want with this woman right now?
Nope, what really need to be asked is how to attract her, make her saying yes (or even initiating) and wanting us enthusiastically - while she's sober of course.
Attracting is easy, during "high tide" (not related to periods) women NEED a man, desperately.
They'll take any man, they'll even put up with an axe murderer for a few months, all you have to do is make your moves physically.
Give her an orgasm and she'll want you enthusiastically. 92% of the time. more or less. approximately.
If you don't know what you want from a woman then how in the holy foofoo can you attract her?! You don't know what purpose/role you're attracting her for, so you wont be able to communicate WHY you "like" her and will then "look" dishonest (creepy) and because women are "delicate and weak" and men are "bold and strong" society has instilled a fear of rape and murder IF SHE CAN'T GUESS YOUR TRUE MOTIVES.
How can you communicate your motives if you don't even know CLEARLY what you want from her -honestly and for real.
But we can't tell women outright that she's a slu*ty lookin' little hottie and we just wanna bang her until we pass out (though that line would probably work) because we are told by society to believe that women hate sex.
Therefore we look dishonest, because we ARE being dishonest.
PS. I don't know how to explain the bolded line except that you can even convince a woman that she doesn't want the kind of sex she wants, if she's in love with you, and giving her an orgasm makes it almost impossible for her not to love you. It's even hard-wired biologically.
I'm not explaining any of this sh*t very well and I should just stop while I'm behind.
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(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
