Someone Marry Barry, Aspergers and Aspartners

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http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspiediv ... ?msg=782.1

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/someone ... /trailers/

Is this what we Aspies are like in public? I don't think I am. I would never dream of acting the way the two main protagonists do. Yet these women say their spouses are like this and aspies are like this which I don't believe so. Do we come across like this? I'm just concerned.

People with AS or ASD, HFA or otherwise, come in all shapes, sizes and personalities, don't we? Still, this movie character is exaggerated almost beyond recognition. Certain research shows that, as some people with AS or ASD mature, some of the most noticeable characteristics disappear altogether or can be masked well enough for social interaction. I suppose that there could be a HFA man out there who is exactly like this character, but I wonder.

Comedic movies are about exaggerating stereotypes; sometimes outlandishly. In that case, the movie appears to have accomplished its goal. As one of the few movies about people with AS or ASD, its exaggerated representation probably could have done better.

As with Alex (quite a surprise when I read his bio), I believe that my exposure to an abundance of movies throughout my childhood (I grew up in a five-generation theatre/cinema family) influenced my understanding of acceptable behavior and was able to mask (usually) my unacceptable characteristics. It certainly worked (unintentionally) for me and, according to Attwood and Grandin, among others, DVD-based Applied Behaviour Analysis is successful.

I cringe at thought of this movie undoing some of the good that ABA DVDs might have with others.

Holy Smokes <that is an expression I've recently learnt, so I am using it>

The Lab Pet is floored......I did not know that there was a neurotypical forum directed towards discussing us. Really, I am floored. Holy Smokes * 10^x (n+1) Where's the fainting couch?

After reading that, all that initially occurs to me is that they write so differently than us, yes? I could not imagine expressing myself in that way.

Anyhow, back to the OP. I sincerely doubt we present in that way. Instead, those posts seem to be emotively expressed views. Thank G_d, minus the religious aspect, that we are not like that.

Asperger Syndrome has become the diagnosis of choice to explain away bad behaviour. You even see it on here, women diagnosing their partners with AS just because they aren't nice, but not even detailing that they even have the symptoms of AS.

I'm not saying people with AS are easy, or even ideal partners. I'm sure as hell not an easy person to live with. But I can guarantee most of those women were not in relationships with AS men but rather just difficult NT men.

AS is so over-diagnosed. And I honestly think just like with people who self-diagnose because they are looking for an answer to their problems, these spouses are looking for an answer to their bad relationships and bad partners.

And AS has become the convenient explanation for the emotionally-stunted and obdurate man. Not taking into account that plenty of NT men can be like that, and of course women.

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I always find it offensive when people connect AS to as*hole behavior or violence. I am not saying aspies can't be these things but is AS the only thing people can think of first whenever these behaviors show? (Not saying those men were violent the women are complaining about). It seems like they are calling none violent behavior destruction. Also every time someone is socially inappropriate and doesn't know how to be appropriate in social settings, AS is what people think of as if AS only means social awkwardness and the person is lacking all the other characteristics. Wouldn't it be social communication disorder?

^^^This
Cubedemon, you have to quit obsessing over these people over on those forums. They are the ones with the emotional issues, you know?

You're right, I shouldn't have peaked. I still have major fears that somehow they would gain power and institute measures to have us sterilized, committed or worse. I know they're irrational but I still have them. I don't know why though but I may have a conjecture. It comes from my Jewish background when I was told about the holocaust about the first ones who were exterminated which were people considered mentally ill. When I was a child I met a concentration camp survivor and saw the tattoo on their arm.

So, this bothers me especially some of the more extremists. I believe at least one of them is bigoted against other ethnicities like Muslims. I just wish they were watched more and even some of the more moderates did not want them to be a hate group. I say too late, they're a hate group. I just wish they were watched by the SPLC.

http://www.splcenter.org/?ref=logo

Hate affects me on a profound level and I think Tarantella may have some understanding as she comes from a Jewish background as well. I'm just very nervous and skittish about this and I tried rationality and empathy but it didn't work. This just gnaws at me and gnaws at me and it's like an itch I can't scratch.

I understand the compulsion and the worry. but you really are torturing yourself. I wish I could help you stop.

If anything like what you are worried about happening were to happen, it wouldn't be from those people. Not because they are not hateful. They are. They do not have enough charm, charisma, intelligence or logic to persuade anyone of anything other than other Kool-Aid drinkers like themselves. You are making them out to be more important than their pathetic selves are.

Ya, I guess you're right.

Also remember that there are websites devoted to absolutely every cause you can think of, and many that you can't even imagine. The site you're worrying about is like a grain of sand on the vast internet beach, and equally as significant.

Dear cubedemon6073, just to say that your hurt is not only understood, but appreciated. In a sense, our being Aspies affords us a sensitivity that may elude another. With discretion, I'm a victim of therapeutic abuse - misguided neuropsych professional who literally took my life....indescribable terror that never leaves, yes? Just wanted to say that I am sorry for how jarring the ignorance of others can hurt. In all sincerity, what I saw in that forum site was ignorance budding into misguided hate. There is no suffering that is all for naught.

ASDMommy is right. Hateful stuff makes me crazy, too. But you have to stay away. They want to complain to each other, they aren't trying to gain political power.

I don't think the guy in "Someone Marry Barry" is supposed to have Asperger's. He doesn't give off that vibe to me at all.

Does not seem like Aspergers to me, he seems too social and extroverted to me. But cant really tell, I know that there should be extroverted Aspies too, but I never met those personally.

About the first link with the wife bragging about how poor they are, and that they are finally managing to become free of their horrible Aspie-husbands. People are born with Asperger/Autism. So you cannot suddenly explore, after 10 years of marriage, that your spouse has Aspergers. You maybe can get a name for it, but the person will be the person it always had been. Either you like someone, or you dont, but if you dont like someone, dont suddenly blame Aspergers if you agreed into an relationship with someone you dont like. O_o The only reason, I got myself tested and diagnosed before my partner and I engaged in marriage and kids, is that I wanted him to know, if that treats of mine could be inheritable. For recognizing that I have those treats, he did not need an stupid film or an official diagnose, because he does not need a paper telling him how I am in daily life, when he lives his life with me daily. O_o Its as stupid as someone watching a film about an ginger person and then suddenly saying: "Oh, because of that film, I suddenly realize that my spouse is ginger too, and that I dont like that." O_o

The women on those forums... They are just horrible. Honestly, they blame the man for EVERYTHING. I mean, they married the guys, right? SURELY they knew what the guy was like. Not to mention, some of the stuff they complain about... is just dumb. She complains about the guy holding up some baby turtles for a puctire, and how he wouldn't have been allowed to do that with her,,, etc,, and that it's childish. What? Holding a baby turtle is bad? I don't even get it. I mean, I'm super jelly, I totally want to go find a baby turtle and hold it now.... ANYWAY I think some of these women have/had super unrealistic expectations for marriage and for their partners. I think they expected it to be a cake walk and I think they expected their man to toe the line and change and become mature for them... Newflash: people don't really change, not in fundamental ways like these women expected their partners to.

They remind me of my sister in law. She is now hating my brother for the very reasons she married him. She married him because he is quiet, malleable, and easy to control. Now she wants to leave him because he "has no balls". duh...

Anyway, I hate aspartners site. It's extremely triggering as most of the people there come across as exceedingly narcissitic and possibly disordered.

CWA, I don't get it myself. What is wrong with wanting to hold a baby turtle? Why is it so childish to her? Why wouldn't he have been allowed to do that with her?

Your sister in law has inconsistent requirements and why did she feel the need to control him? Something is wrong in that dynamic.