Do others with AS dislike being touched if not expected?

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ReticentJaeger
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23 Jun 2014, 11:34 am

I just really hate being touched in general. Especially if it's very sudden.

Oh, and do have the temptation to brush away at the spot with my hand, as if that will somehow fix it. I would have thought that was just my OCD, though.



Last edited by ReticentJaeger on 23 Jun 2014, 11:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

kx250rider
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23 Jun 2014, 11:37 am

AlfredRI48 wrote:
I know this is probably going to sound strange, but if I am expecting being touched, lets say if my girlfriend and I are about to become amorous, then I actually enjoy being touched. Another example would be my mother giving me a hug etc, then I do like that kind of affection of touch.

However if lets say someone is talking to me about something like a picture that I may have taken with my camera while on vacation and telling me how good it looks then all of a sudden they decide to lightly tap my shoulder, arm, or back a couple of times, I actually become quite angered! I start thinking over and over about how much I disliked it even after it had already happened and actually try to brush the area with my hand.

I'm very sensitive to light touch like spider webs or flies etc, and its probably related to that, but I still strongly dislike being touched unless I am expecting it and want it to happen.


I couldn't describe it better myself! In fact, I was just talking about this with my doctor last week, when I had to have a little emergency surgery without being under anesthetic, and I dealt with it fine. I think that was possible for me, and not usually even THINKABLE for NTs, is because I have been forced to deal with uninvited touches all my life without letting it go to a meltdown. I was perfectly able to deal with being cut open and stitched up just by the doctor announcing what he was doing; step by step. No flinching or jumping (except when he was using an electrocautery instrument, which sent electric shocks and caused twitches I couldn't control).

NTs, in my experience have NO CLUE just how invasive and even painful, a sudden touch on the shoulder is to us!! !! If we could explain this to the NT world, maybe they'd lay off with the "socially traditional" physical ambush attacks such as shoulder taps or arm pokes.

Charles



mikassyna
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23 Jun 2014, 12:36 pm

I find touch can trigger very sexual feelings. Especially light touch. So if someone touches me with light touch I get extremely uncomfortable if I am not intimate with the person, it makes me feel really really queasy. Even as I love my husband but not feeling sexual at the moment, if he touches me lightly or in the wrong place I react kinda violently and severely. He still doesn't understand it. I love hugs, really hard tight hugs. The tighter the better, so that I feel the wind being squeezed out of me. I have learned to do a medium hug. Light hugs are annoying, and why even bother?



nerdygirl
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23 Jun 2014, 1:32 pm

In a lot of ways, touch is a metaphor for my general interaction with people.

I find it hard to start talking to people; I find it hard to "reach out and touch someone."
I'd rather feel pain than a light brush; I'd rather people be rude to me than fake.
If we are close, I often want to touch; If we are close, I will share my deepest self.
I don't want fake hugs any more than fake conversation.
Don't pretend you love me through being touchy-feely; don't pretend to love me with smiles that don't mean anything.
If you don't want to be real, what's the point?
But truly real feels so good.



wisenupjanetweiss
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23 Jun 2014, 1:32 pm

This is EXACTLY how I am. Right down to the sensitivity to random (nonhuman, such as spider web, etc.) things touching me.

I always know when there is a bug on me... :?



jfc_csc
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23 Jun 2014, 1:56 pm

Hugs from loved ones are okay, but a tap on the shoulder out of nowhere bothers me.



freddie_mercury
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23 Jun 2014, 3:08 pm

If you are not my wife or daughter. Hands off.

Even with my son - I have to initiate contact for it not to bother me.

I don't care if you are my mother or a complete stranger...don't touch me.



FallingDownMan
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23 Jun 2014, 4:29 pm

I can tolerate most unexpected touch. I will usually jump in some way though. But don't touch me on the back of the shoulders even if expected. I won't strike out, but I will chew you out for doing it.



ASPartOfMe
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23 Jun 2014, 9:00 pm

wisenupjanetweiss wrote:


I always know when there is a bug on me... :?

There are people who do not know when there is a bug on them?

ReticentJaeger wrote:
I just really hate being touched in general. Especially if it's very sudden.

Oh, and do have the temptation to brush away at the spot with my hand, as if that will somehow fix it. I would have thought that was just my OCD, though.


I HAVE TO brush the spot where I am touched especially if it is unexpectedly. The most sensitive areas for me shoulders to neck. No matter how much I try to control it I just got to jump back at least a little bit when touched in those regions. Most people get puzzled by my reactions.


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AlfredRI48
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23 Jun 2014, 10:33 pm

So I guess I'm not the only person to brush off a spot that someone unexpectedly touched me. Is that common for others with Aspergers? I knew 3 people whom I believe were also Aspies. I don't remember them doing that, another one also didn't like being touched unexpectedly (she was my girlfriend at the time).


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WhatHazard
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23 Jun 2014, 11:39 pm

Yes I would say I am rather like that, I am alright if the touch is expected or wanted but if someone touches me randomly, or hugs me I do not like it and I do feel a surge of anger at being touched even if it's by family or my girlfriend who sometimes looks taken aback by my angry face and then I have to apologize and explain that I didn't see it coming so it was painful, I think she understands at this point that she has to be aware of it I can't be caught off guard or it won't feel nice.



nerdygirl
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23 Jun 2014, 11:58 pm

Sometimes, even when I am touched by someone I know and am expecting it, my skin gets a weird feeling. So, I have to rub the area to kind of spread around and distribute the feeling evenly. Then the person can touch me again and it doesn't bother me.

I also get chills up my back randomly. Does this happen to anyone?



em_tsuj
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24 Jun 2014, 1:25 am

I have a related question, sort of the flip side of the original poster's question. Do normal people crave touch and use touch to communicate to each other?



auntblabby
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24 Jun 2014, 1:26 am

em_tsuj wrote:
I have a related question, sort of the flip side of the original poster's question. Do normal people crave touch and use touch to communicate to each other?

let's just say it is not unknown for that to happen.



mental
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24 Jun 2014, 1:55 am

my kids: o.k. -
strangers, and even some close relatives: big NO.

And hug time is decided by me, can get EXTREMELY ehum -annoyed- with peeps touching me (esp. on my back!) just because they want to.
cannot stand it and consider it a huge violation.



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24 Jun 2014, 3:06 am

b_edward wrote:
Yes. Exactly as you described.

If someone puts their hand on my shoulder it also feels patronizing.

Now what i do is I circle my hand up and around to push their hand off my shoulder. I suppose that could cause more trouble than it is worth but for the time being that is what I do.


I wonder if the military has particular significance to the "hand on shoulder" touch - perhaps one of the few permitted touches between different ranks? It's some memory niggling at my brain.