Do others with AS dislike being touched if not expected?

Page 1 of 3 [ 41 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

AlfredRI48
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2014
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 49
Location: RI

22 Jun 2014, 9:34 pm

I know this is probably going to sound strange, but if I am expecting being touched, lets say if my girlfriend and I are about to become amorous, then I actually enjoy being touched. Another example would be my mother giving me a hug etc, then I do like that kind of affection of touch.

However if lets say someone is talking to me about something like a picture that I may have taken with my camera while on vacation and telling me how good it looks then all of a sudden they decide to lightly tap my shoulder, arm, or back a couple of times, I actually become quite angered! I start thinking over and over about how much I disliked it even after it had already happened and actually try to brush the area with my hand.

I'm very sensitive to light touch like spider webs or flies etc, and its probably related to that, but I still strongly dislike being touched unless I am expecting it and want it to happen.



thechameleon
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 61
Location: South Australia

22 Jun 2014, 10:11 pm

Touch tends to be heavily in the realm of "situational", If I know the person enough/expect it/want it/etc then it's fine.
The problem comes when I'm not familiar enough with said person, don't want to, or worse of all aren't expecting it.
(Not even mentioning almost strangers that still get touchy... =/ Prime-time train is a nigthmare...)



AlfredRI48
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2014
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 49
Location: RI

22 Jun 2014, 10:17 pm

thechameleon wrote:
Touch tends to be heavily in the realm of "situational", If I know the person enough/expect it/want it/etc then it's fine.
The problem comes when I'm not familiar enough with said person, don't want to, or worse of all aren't expecting it.
(Not even mentioning almost strangers that still get touchy... =/ Prime-time train is a nigthmare...)


Yes, that's how I feel. In most cases its not because I don't know them, but don't expect it or don't want it. I actually get quite angered from that.


_________________
Aspie Quiz: 167 of 200
NT Score: 68 of 200
AQ-50: 41
HSP= highly sensitive person


alpineglow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,002

22 Jun 2014, 10:46 pm

Strangers doing the un-asked for tap or light touch on the arm makes me infuriated, especially when coupled with a patronizing comment. :(



em_tsuj
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

22 Jun 2014, 10:55 pm

I don't like touch, especially light touch. I don't know why I am so averse to it. The only touch I like is hugs and kissing on the lips and intercourse. Any other type of touch just feels creepy...even if it is someone I like or find attractive. I think I am hypersensitive to touch. Maybe that is the problem.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,731
Location: the island of defective toy santas

23 Jun 2014, 12:03 am

I have no problem with kind touch :)



Kiprobalhato
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,119
Location: מתחת לעננים

23 Jun 2014, 12:08 am

one of the most irritating places for me to be touched is the top of my chest. if someone else does it suddenly, i physically cringe, often without fail. also, my family is super touchy and boisterous, when they greet me, they can be really heavy with their touching, i especially dislike it when they give me shoulder "massages". aegh. i also find cheek kissing uncomfortable.
but still, i love an anticipated hug.


_________________
הייתי צוללת עכשיו למים
הכי, הכי עמוקים
לא לשמוע כלום
לא לדעת כלום
וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.


Claradoon
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,964
Location: Canada

23 Jun 2014, 12:41 am

If somebody touches me unexpectedly, it's just as well I'm not carrying an AK-47. :wink:

Note to surveillance types: relax. That was a joke.



mr_bigmouth_502
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 7,028
Location: Alberta, Canada

23 Jun 2014, 12:57 am

YES. I f*****g HATE it when people touch me unexpectedly, especially if it's on the shoulder, the back, or the neck. It pisses me off so much, and in a way it actually kind of hurts too.



BlueBean
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 1 Mar 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Washington

23 Jun 2014, 1:32 am

Casual touching, especially from strangers, is extremely unpleasant to me.


_________________
[The 'other' one.]


ritualdrama
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 295
Location: US

23 Jun 2014, 1:58 am

For me it is weird when people unexpectedly touch me because I don't know if I'm supposed to touch them back or what? Cause I don't really touch people ever. Unless it's incredibly obvious that they want a hug. I do indeed have a hard time determining when to hug people who aren't my love.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 177 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

http://bit.ly/1L29X77


nerdygirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,645
Location: In the land of abstractions and ideas.

23 Jun 2014, 9:16 am

I do not like most touching. The people "allowed" to touch me unexpectedly are my family. And usually they give a signal of sorts that lets me know they are going to touch me. And even then, I can only take so much touching at once before it gets to the point of "sensory overload."

I would rather have a firm touch than a light one. I have very fine, light hair and I can feel when I get tickled by this out-of-place hair that I can't see. So incredibly annoying. I feel bothered more by a light breeze than the cold. So, even when it is hot, I need to have some kind of cover when I am sleeping. Maybe because it feels protective?

Unexpected touches surprise me and can make me jump or tense. Also, touching for me puts us into the "we are *very* close relationally" category. So, when someone I don't know well wants to touch/hug/kiss on the cheek, I don't like that. It feels extremely fake because I am participating out of obligation. The hug is not a "real" hug. The kiss on the cheek is so barely a kiss that I wonder why we had to lean in towards each other like that. I get in and out of those situations as quickly as possible.

There was one man I knew who was extremely touchy. He would place his hand on my back and keep it there! Sometimes rub my shoulder. He didn't just do this to me. He did it to some other women as well, and would always pat guys on the back and grab their arms, etc. I am pretty sure he didn't mean to communicate anything, but that kind of touching on my back and shoulders was in the realm of "only my significant other gets to touch me like that."

I avoid shaking hands with people too. Seems so fake.

There was one time when I was a kid when my family was house hunting. We were meeting with the realtor. My sister was very outgoing, and this guy had her come sit on his lap and he gave her a big, nasty smooch on the cheek. I was horrified!! ! I decided that guy was completely freaky and untrustworthy. I wanted to grab my sister and scream at both of them. To him: What the heck are you doing? And to my sister: Why could you let that guy touch you? Why did you go sit on his lap? My sister was a cutie and my parents didn't think anything of it, but he might as well have been a child molester in my view. (And I still wonder if he was/is.)

It's like politicians kissing babies. Why? Why??? Ewww.



EzraS
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,828
Location: Twin Peaks

23 Jun 2014, 10:37 am

i always jerk back if anyone touches me unexpectedly, even my parents. i like it when they rub my neck and back, because it calms me, but they always ask first. because sometimes I like it, but other times I don't. and never like it unexpectedly.

But my cousin. maybe it's because we spent a lot of time in the play pen together. he's always gotten away with grabbing me or even tackling me unexpectedly. I can always tell it's him and I don't mind. anyone else doing that would cause me to react badly.



ReticentJaeger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Feb 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,127

23 Jun 2014, 11:02 am

I think I make my mom sad because I don't like being hugged and just stand there limply when she embraces me.



b_edward
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 26 Mar 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 244

23 Jun 2014, 11:29 am

Yes. Exactly as you described.

If someone puts their hand on my shoulder it also feels patronizing.

Now what i do is I circle my hand up and around to push their hand off my shoulder. I suppose that could cause more trouble than it is worth but for the time being that is what I do.



ReticentJaeger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Feb 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,127

23 Jun 2014, 11:34 am

I just really hate being touched in general. Especially if it's very sudden.

Oh, and do have the temptation to brush away at the spot with my hand, as if that will somehow fix it. I would have thought that was just my OCD, though.



Last edited by ReticentJaeger on 23 Jun 2014, 11:40 am, edited 1 time in total.