Loneliness

Post Reply New Topic

Hey SmallCat (and everyone else!)

Full disclosure, I am not Asperger's but I am a life coaching and I specialize in helping people with ASD.

I couldn't help noticing that your thread reminded me of how quite a lot of my Aspie clients feel, so I thought i'd drop in my two cents.

It really seems to me that because of your more quiet nature and the fact that you had a significant struggle with depressions and anxiety (kudos on pulling through it by the way!) that you've just lost touch with or haven't developed some of the key social skills you need to be seen as approachable and really be able to connect with people romantically.

This really makes it tough to function socially and can sometimes make it seem like there is something 'wrong' with you, but there definitely isn't! It just means you need to learn a bit about and work on some simple social skills that will make you *seem* more approachable to guys and also for you to be able to express yourself and connect with them

I specialize in helping people develop these sort of skills and knowledge from scratch, so f you'd like to ask me anything specific on here please feel free!

Otherwise I have a blog (succeedingsociallyaspie) and a youtube channell (Asperger's In Adults) if you'd like to check out my articles and video tutorials on dating and social skills (I think the easiest way is to just click th www button underneath this)

I've started seeing a counsellor recently to help me break out of my isolation, although I'm a lot older that you! I've learned that actually when I'm with other people I'm not actually doing anything approaching social behaviour at all - I just tend to remain silent and drift about like a ghost not engaging much with anyone. I tend to assume that people won't be interested in anything I have to say so I keep quiet, and in fact that leaves people with nothing to get a toehold on socially - they know nothing about me and might even think I don't like them.

That's been quite a revelation, and I'm experimenting now with just opening my mouth and saying something I've thought of, even if it's just "That colour looks nice on you". It does produce results and I'm learning to open up a little - perhaps you can try these small steps?

Anyway, it's great that you're trying to learn to deal with this stuff while you're still young - I've waited far too long myself. Best of luck with your efforts.

I don't have a guy, but I've learned to cope with my depression/sadness by spending time with my family.

I've also been seeing a therapist recently.

I think it's the body language. Body language of AS people can be offputting or misinterpreted by NTs.

Relationships at 19 involve a futile cycle beginning with the expenditure of vast amounts of money and hormones. By the end depending on which side you're on they sometimes end with a mournful overview of your monthly expenditure and the realisation that the relationship is really not cost effective.

As much as others may tell you to distract your self with hobbies and things, it never really works, the empty loneliness seems to always be lurking right around the corner, its like a psych-biological need for us to have a partner in life, a mate. even though its not considered a necessity to live its always there haunting even our dreams as a need and desire.