How to tell if someone is obsessed with you?

Post Reply New Topic

I was once in the position of the guy you're describing. The thing you need to do (especially if this guy has ASD), is to be especially clear that you aren't returning his affections. Otherwise he might think that you're just playing hard to get or even flirty by not spending the time he wants with him.

Thank you to everyone for the advice on this matter. I will take it into consideration.

I remember painfully a few obsessions I had towards girls, aged 14?15 so around your age. They were weird, exceptional, and I guess would've been pretty sociopathic if I'd had a sex drive back then. Thankfully it was just sperg stuff with means to innocent ends of simply being best friends with them + hugging.

One was a girl in the year above me. I was friends with her friends but not her. Girls/women with her look haven't drawn me in before or since but I've never been so obsessed. It was a miserable time of life anyway, but the two moments in the week when her class filed past ours in the corridor at school were my week's highlights. If I saw her in a particular place by chance at one moment one week, I'd even make a casual point of going past there the same time the week after just in case. I casually added her on MSN and myspace and sent some friendly but admittedly odd messages, but after two MSN conversations she'd changed her email address and deleted me from myspace. I think I'd received half the hint then and don't know to this day whether she knew who I was in school despite being freaked out online. Several months later I actually had a brief, friendly conversation with her on the bus home and I vaguely recall having an out-of-body experience when it happened. Physically I was stood up and talking to her, but I was watching myself while on my knees with the sensation of water gushing all through me. Glad I got over that one.

One was online, which alone is particularly horrible of me, with little-to-no chance of ever meeting her in person. Worse still, because we had so much in common by default, I tried to bridge the other gaps by absorbing as much of her interests as I could too, extending to music, film, books, artists, possibly even ideology. I'd even began typing with the same quirks as her. It was all completely affectionate and innocent, but obviously creepy, possibly mentally harming to my subject and certainly something no-one should ever do. One week I was away and having come back, she'd silently left the websites we both frequented. Christ I hope it wasn't solely down to me. A month or so later she came back on another, contacted me of her own accord, apologised and we shared a few things in a more normal way this time before she left for good. I'd like to get in touch with her again just to profusely apologise, before severing links forever.

If you managed to read this far in, essentially both girls, consciously or not, disappeared from my lives and left me cold turkey in their absence. It worked though. It was a typical, slightly bummed "chance missed" thing before moving onto thinking about someone else shortly after. They're fairly creepy stories, maybe a tiny bit cute, but I hope I don't harbour any remnants of those obsessive traits today. So, if you have the means to, cutting him out of your life works wonders and shouldn't necessarily devastate him as he'll move on, becoming slightly more mature. If it's hard to shake him off I'd be firm, maybe even mentioning that you've picked up some hints from him and they're not reciprocated. Otherwise I'd similarly be firm, but instead reject any mention of meetings between you two and behave a little coldly when he's staying around you. It may not be pleasant and you may still want to be a platonic, casual friend, but that sadly may not be possible.

UPDATE: I met up with him today after my art class that I go to once a week, and we talked for a bit, he gave me a gift that he got for me for my birthday(that was the day before), it was nice of him to do that which made me feel even more shy about telling him. I told him that I needed to talk to him about us. I told him that I only wanted to hang out with him once in a while, that I din't want to hang out 3 or 4 times a week, and that we were just friends(I told him awhile ago, but I mentioned it again just to be sure). I told him that I needed my space and that I was uncomfortable. It wasn't easy telling him that, because I am shy about telling people things like that. I don't think I was rude about it, but I told him that I was sorry if it came out that way. He seemed to feel a little bad that he made me uncomfortable. I told him that I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but its better if he heard it from me than from my parents or one of my friends. He is a nice guy in general, he was just unaware that he was coming off as pushy or too clingy.

Thanks again for the advice everyone! It helped me a lot!