The Really Bad Advice Thread

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Let your mouth write checks that your ass can't cash.

The best way to create your home-made charcoal is to cook loads of vegetables without adding any water.

Call someone a stalker, and then stalk him

Coat yourself in yeast and jump out a window. You'll fly like Peter Pan!

Have autism with poor theory of mind, but claim to have omniscience about lots of other people's motivations and ideas.

Tell your supervisor to STFU.

If someone in your life is grieving, treat them to an endless barrage of boring platitudes. They'll thank you for it.

When going to meet someone for a first date always remember to get really really drunk before hand.

when you're feeling terribly lonely, call a random number and order pizza.

Take your sword and shield out, and get waist deep in the blood of dragons, then go crying to Friedrick Nietzsche.

When going to a job interview, always try to impress them by bringing along the skulls on your enemies.

Don't just disagree with someone in a respectful way, insult them as well for their audacity and stupidity in holding a different opinion from your own. This will ensure that people avoid you throughout life.

To resolve your problem with annoying kids in your classroom, just punch them in the face!

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on September 15, 2017)

To get lots of friends, make up a new lie every time you meet them. Don't worry about keeping your stories straight. They'll value your creativity.

To be emotionally stable, children need you to follow them everywhere staring at them, and pointing out their faults publicly and reproachfully. If they are doing something for the first time, make sure to gasp, groan and inhale sharply at crucial moments so that they know you have noticed their efforts. If there is a chance they could make a mistake, intervene by taking the tools from their hand and doing it yourself, while explaining rapidly some, but NOT ALL, of the steps involved in completing their task.
Be sure to speak constantly about everything you think all the time, especially if they are on the Spectrum. They'll thank you later for keeping them focused!

Go out of your way to rain on everyone's parade - for their own good of course.

Everyone's lying to you. Sticking a fork in the electrical outlet isn't dangerous at all; it's actually the best way to wake yourself up in the morning. Skip the coffee and grab a fork.