What are some examples of flirting?

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PastIsPrologue
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12 Aug 2014, 1:05 am

I understand flirting only on a very basic level, that it is meant to indicate that you're interested in somebody. But I don't understand the delivery. How do people flirt? What do they do and say? I feel dumb for asking, but I honestly just don't get it. Google searches tell me that people flirt by smiling and making eye contact and getting the other person to laugh, but isn't that what a normal conversation is supposed to be like? How do people tell the difference? Help a clueless aspie out.



onewithstrange
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12 Aug 2014, 1:40 am

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt250936.html, and a search of the forums reveals that there's a wealth of similar threads for you to mine. Best of luck, mate.


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AnnaRyan
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12 Aug 2014, 3:07 am

I agree with what your google search produced-- smiling and eye contact. However, these are only some examples.

I think knowing when someone is flirting is a topic that's difficult for NTs to understand as well. Really, for men in general. I think a lot of times NT men think a woman is flirting with them when she isn't. Signals can be hard to detect. Some women are just being friendly, not flirting.

Anyway, I would say be less focused on "flirting" and be more focused on showing interest in the other person, listening to what they have to say, and asking questions on the things that interest them. Show you're interested in the other person. And smile and make eye contact as well :)

Also, avoid "pick up lines." People are generally turned off by them.



Toy_Soldier
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12 Aug 2014, 8:51 am

Whoopie Cushions. Never fails.

:lol:



CynicalWaffle
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12 Aug 2014, 9:12 am

Flirting isn't a good litmus test for attraction at all. Many, many people these days do it without any intent to get with other people.



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12 Aug 2014, 11:09 am

I know what you mean. I think I somewhat understand flirting on a rational level now, but actually doing it is another matter! When I tried, it was really difficult - almost painfully difficult. Well, sort of... there were some things I could say and do easily, but that's because to me they weren't necessarily flirting. It's the stuff that was definitely, unambiguously flirting that was so difficult. And, of course, recognising when I'm being flirted with is another whole minefield. Since I can't tell the difference between friendliness and flirting I just assume "no flirting". My recent experience has only left me more confused about this.


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PastIsPrologue
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13 Aug 2014, 4:53 am

I'm not even sure why I asked. I can't even talk to or look at people, let alone show interest in them. And I've almost certainly never been flirted with non-sarcastically, so there's no danger of me having missed signals. I guess I just want to understand other people? My NT friends (heck, even my aspie friend) talk about how they flirted with a guy or vice versa, but their "flirty" conversations don't seem that remarkable to me. Like, did I miss the day at school where they taught everyone how to interact with other people? Dang.

But thank you for the insight! I really want to understand how this works. And by "this" I mean human emotions and conversation. Because apparently I know nothing about either of those subjects.



RightGalaxy
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06 Mar 2019, 1:29 pm

CynicalWaffle wrote:
Flirting isn't a good litmus test for attraction at all. Many, many people these days do it without any intent to get with other people.


I agree. The biggest flirters are married. They just do it for fun and because the "work day" is boring - not their partner.



quite an extreme
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09 Mar 2019, 3:58 am

AnnaRyan wrote:
I agree with what your google search produced-- smiling and eye contact.
...
Anyway, I would say be less focused on "flirting" and be more focused on showing interest in the other person, listening to what they have to say, and asking questions on the things that interest them. Show you're interested in the other person. And smile and make eye contact as well :)

It's not just smiling and eye contact but to signal that you like the other and the way he or she is that counts. For this a nice smile and eye contact are just the important first step, but also humor and having fun with the other and behaviours count.

I would say flirting means enjoying that the other is liking and enjoying you and trying to force this a bit because you both recognize that you totally like each other. Once you are this way it envolves a lot of fun.

For NTs its easier because their empathy makes it easier to them to get the emotions of each other and especially the feeling of attraction. Their empathy causes them to feel the same way.


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