Being hated by a parent

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I had suspected for years that my mother did not love me unconditionally and saw me as a disappointment, but since her death last month, I am more or less convinced of it. After my divorce over six years ago, which she blamed me and judged me for and accused me of being a bad mother, I kept my contact with her to cards and letters since I could not deal with her judgment and negativity. When I met the man I am now married to, the love of my life, she was unsurprisingly unsupportive because he is poor and also happens to be black, she wanted me to end up with some WASP preppy snob or something I guess. Once again, I could not deal with her judgment, and by now was living in another country even. Even though she was emotionally abusive and hurtful to me as a child and teen and caused me long-lasting permanent damage psychologically, I still sent her cards on her birthday, told her I loved her etc. Since her death, I have heard nothing about receiving an inheritance, which I know for a fact there would be since her house was sold recently, I can see she would not want me to have anything, even though the fact that I am her daughter and I also live in poverty apparently means nothing, simply because she would not want my husband who she never even met but chose to hate, to end up getting his hands on her money. It's even worse she left out my four children that I have with my ex husband, the oldest one even came from overseas to visit her before she died, and still nothing. What's more, my older brother, who I was also estranged from knew nothing of my marriage or that I was living in Jamaica, which means she must never have told him most likely because she was ashamed of me and the decisions I had made. I grew up seeing so much evil from this woman who let me watch porn, drink alcohol and curse as a child, not to mention the "witchcraft" she practiced, and now the final insult is the realization that she really truly must have hated me. My two brothers are fairly well-off and sadly, my sister died due to a brain tumor, so I wonder who exactly did inherit this money? My mother hated my dad's mother, and did not let me see my grandmother since I was about twelve, but even my grandma, although I had not seen her in years, still left me something in her will. It's no surprise that I have not shed a tear for my mother, who loved to call me a bad mother when I was a dedicated parent, but I am still grieving for my older sister who was more like a mother to me by always being there for me emotionally and showing unconditional love like a parent should. Has anyone else experienced a hurtful situation like this?

not exactly the same thing, but I hate my mom's whole family. she treated me horribly when I was growing up. she learned it from her mother and sisters. I have no love for them because I never felt loved or wanted or accepted by them. the only reason I have a relationship with my mom is because she apologized and she has stopped being abusive. I still can't say that I love her though. I am still living with the scars from her abuse and neglect and oftentimes wonder if I will ever recover from it.

Suggest google "narcissistic mothers" and read a few websites, see if you recognise your mother. May put a lot of things into perspective for you.

I am sorry that your childhood was affected by her failures.

I think my aspergic mum might have been a tad narcissistic, but (unlike my brother) i couldn't have gone along with her desire to 'impress people' if my life depended on it ~ which was part of her 'reason' for not standing up to my dad when he kicked me out of 'our' home (just before my 16th BD). # I believe my mum was ashamed of her working class background, and especially ashamed of her parents ~ i have no idea why she disliked her mum, but she was mega ashamed of her dads drinking and other health problems. I think if she had been diagnosed as aspergic when a kid, & not forced to (eg) put her first child up for adoption (by her parents ...'becoz' she wasn't married) that her relationship with me would have been better. # Unfortunately she is still bothered by my inability to pretend that everything's ok becoz everything is not ok and she doesn't want anyone to know that ...including herself, coz then she'd be too embarassed to NOT do something about those things, BUT, as she really can't cope with this classist world any better than i can she really can't afford to (ie) force my dad to own up to his sexually inappropriate behaviours, let alone leave him. # My dad is also working class, but is a very skilled builder who works very hard to provide everything my mum says she wants, so she would rather stay with him than take any notice of a disrespected 'under-acheiver' such as myself. # NB: all things considered, i believe ive achieved a hell of alot ...theyre just not the sort of things my mum can boast about to the 'upper class' people she thinks she's impressing. (sorry about # ...this forum doesn't like the 'enter' button on my mobile phone :-(

OP - probate is a matter of public record. You have a right to know if you were mentioned in any will and may even have a legal basis to challenge a will if you've been left out of it. This may or may not be a road you want to go down, but I suggest you contact your surviving siblings and find out who the executor of her estate is.