There's something difficult from my past. When I was only 15 years old, I went through psychosis. In layman's terms, you might call it "he was crazy". My mental breakdown was probably the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. I've been slowly, slowly recovering over 3 years.
I've been told by somebody I trust that I'm grieving, and that grief drives me crazy. I'm very sad about my life and my past, and wish those issues would leave me alone.
I have too many memories of things that happened, some vivid, some blurred. My memory is way too good at piecing the past together.
I heard that if I feel like crying, something healthy for me to do is cry. But I find it really hard to cry, so I tonight I watched Marley and Me. (If you want to cry, try watching Marley and Me.)
I really hope I sleep tonight. One of the main things that leads into my psychosis is staying awake too long, thinking about stupid things.
Sometimes I get so depressed that I think about suicide. I've had suicidal thoughts for a long time. I always found it incredibly hard to 'go with the flow'.
I know this doesn't make much sense. But I think I really should start to talk about it.
02 Nov 2014, 2:58 am
