I don't see a point in my life

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Nobody needs me. Very few people even like me. So why do I need to be here? Most of my family is just "disappointed", they hardly ever tell me they care about me, and when they do they are just saying it to make me do something for them. "We want you to do these things because we care." No, you just want me to make you look good. If you cared, you would actually listen to me and treat me like a real person. All my dad's side of the family cares about me doing is going on a mission for my church. If I don't, I'm just a disappointment and a failure. But I can't go. I don't meet the requirements, I never have, and it's not because of Asperger's. I don't want to talk about what it is, I doubt anyone here would understand anyway. Eventually I will have to tell them I'm not going, and then what will happen? I don't really know, but they definitely won't respect it as a choice, and I will be made to feel bad about it forever. Even though I really can't go, and it's not even my fault.

I'm just sick of pretending that there's nothing wrong. That's how it's been all my life. Nobody wants to listen to me, because they all think they know what my problem is, and if I'd "just do ____" then everything would be fixed. Like it's that easy. Like I haven't spent my entire life trying, with absolutely no success.

I'm sick of failing. I'm sick of being a disappointment to everybody. I'm sick of having nobody to help me, or even just to talk to. I just want to be done.

I have felt quite similar feeling to yours. You're at "that age."

All I could say is: hang in there. Things will get better.

I'd miss you if you would be gone from this Site.

You have a long life ahead of you. And you will accomplish much.

please stick around, us aspies should stick together
wrong planet is richer with you in it and will be diminished if you were gone.

Hey, I think you're pretty cool. You're one of the first people I've spoken to who can actually understand what I went through growing up. We had similar stories in many respects. Stay here on WP with us. I wish I could say more, but I am quite tired from the adventures of today.

I've seen several of your posts here and I must say I relate to you SO much. My feelings were just like yours at that age and my parents are similar.

Kraftiekorie has a point, age has a lot to do w/ it, as cliche as that sounds. You will find a point for your life eventually, just hold on.

I became close to one of my cousins. We were each other's only friend and I knew her losing me would be devastaing to her. I became closer to my little sister and I knew she'd miss me too. Of course, both of them would have missed me before, but it took me being attached to them to understand that. That may not be what you need, idk.

Remember that depression tells you that people like you less than they do. The few people who like you are probably your friends. Try to spend more time with them and less with the people who give you grief.

L Homes, your posts explained so much to me, you don?t know me, nor I you, but for what its worth the impact of your words was real. I know your situation is tough but it is better to have a roof over your head than be homeless, your options aren?t great and the environment is less than ideal.
Here is the thing though, everything changes, good, bad, & meh situations aren?t permanent, especially at the start of your adult life. Maybe think about what you want in life and start planning long term, start with 5 years from now, 1 year from now, 6mths from now. It?s slow and tiring and vague but it will give you some sense of control over your life and make those ?count to ten? moments more tolerable because you have a bigger realistic goal to work towards.

I wasn't able to figure out my life until I was middle-aged. I am sure the OP [L_Holmes] can outperform me in that respect, and soon.

"All you have to do to fix your life is be more like me" - yeah, I've heard that one before too. There's an entire political party dedicated to it, in fact.

I used to have a similar problem...it wasn't fun. Financial stability and finding new acquaintances and interests were needed to get out of that.

It can take a long time to find your way out, but if you keep looking you at least have a chance.

I found a life purpose in college, but because I hadn't made the internal space or found the leading to discover who I really was or what my true path was, it wasn't where I wanted to be. I went off in other directions later to try to find it. The feelings of being lost and purposeless are something that no amount of external validation can relieve (at least for me). My story of the ongoing search and the ensuing misery is something most don't want to hear, so I won't go into it.

You can have career and friends at 25 and have it all fall away from you at 35. Unless you find a way to anchor your identity within your own self, you will always be looking for stability, and likely trying to get it from affirmations of others or external events. This is a losing game and will lead to misery and feelings of discouragement. It's your choice whether to play that way or not.

I'm unfortunately learning this at a later time than I'd like, but there's more potential now than ever, because I have found tools to access info about why I'm here and can work on setting up an internal control structure so I'm not constantly looking for or needing affirmation from others or events to bolster my confidence. As long as your perception of yourself rises or falls with praise or criticism, you will be at the mercy of the reaction of others. It is preferable to find a means of creating acceptance within yourself so praise or criticism are dealt with as external factors and they don't have to impact the internal space of your own identity.

If you're here on earth, there's a reason you're here. Others will often try to tell you that isn't true, because their own ego needs lifting, and they feel they can do that by belittling others. Just saying not to listen to them isn't helpful. You have to find grounding apart from the ongoing perceptions others reflect back to you.

If nothing else, your reason for being here is to find your reason for being here, and for most, 20-30 years isn't enough time to find that because our society has rocketed off in directions that are meaningless as far as finding true contentment. I'm starting to rant. Here's the thing: It may be hard at times, otherwise you'd stay where you are. And you're not meant to stay where you are, or you'd like it there and stay there.

Thanks for the responses. I haven't usually been like this, but lately I'm starting to feel really terrible at night. I still have the same thoughts all the time, usually they just don't bother me as much as they have been lately.

I should be ok. I don't actually have a non risky way to end my life anyway, and that's the only way I'd do it. If I had found a way a year ago, to be honest I'd probably not have been around long enough to find this website, so I guess that's a good thing.

do keep talking to us
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