Aspie daughter was sexually abused by aspie boyfriend

Post Reply New Topic

The principal I can't stand told me to let her know she couldn't talk about it at school because of the police investigation. I think it is like being revictimized because she needs their support to get through this and how can she get it without talking about it? I am hoping that her Aspergers teacher secretly told the EAs about it.

I don't know if he will get convicted, as I don't believe the crown will want to have two autistic people on the stand. I do want him arrested and brought down for questionning because that should wake him up. His parents need to know and get him counselling. He may have done stuff to other girls because my daughter said he told her that girls have told him he was going too fast. After he made her do stuff the first time, he lectured her about how he will never be too pushy. It would be easier if I thought this boy was confused and didn't realize what he was doing, but he seems to have spent weeks manipulating my daughter. I am going to be so careful with her from now on.

If would recommend talking to a lawyer to find out if the school can legally stop your daughter from talking about it.

I work for a lawyer and yes they can. I just got a call this morning from the detective and he says he interviewed the boy and he didn't want to talk at all about the allegations. So I am hoping that helps get him charged, since he didn't deny them or anything. The nexts step are for him to get the hospital report with what she told them and to interview 3 of her friends that she told at the party. He will have to decide if he has enough evidence to charge him.

I am so sorry that your daughter had to go through this - As a rape survivor I want to tell you that pressing charges is the best thing you can do for your daughter - regardless of the outcome. The knowledge that she is standing up and publicly saying NO will help her feel better about the whole issue in the long run.

Having said that, I highly recommend getting her some counseling. She has been violated in a way that will come out in bad behaviors and other issues if she doesn't deal with it. A counselor that is familiar with sexual assault as well as aspergers would be best, but I don't know if such a thing exists.

Good luck and God Bless

Thank you DMarcotte, I am glad to hear that we are doing the right thing because I do want her to stand up for herself. She is supposed to see the school psychologist who specializes in aspergers. I am just not sure if she will say anything to her about it, although I have encouraged her to do so.

So sorry for you and your daughter.

My friend just went through a situation with her 14 year old daughter who was sexually abused by a 20 year old. (similar to your post)

My suggestion get a victim advocate. You need this. They will guide you through the system. They will keep you updated on where the case is headed.

Do not tell your daughter that the person will plead down or not go to court, unless you know that as a fact. For some reason it was floated around the man (who was married with kids) would plea to a lesser charge. Remember as hard as you are fighting for a conviction, the other side is fighting to get the case thrown out or minimized. It becomes less of who is right or wrong and more of a chess game with maneuverings.

The man had family rally around him, he got a better attorney, and fought the charge tooth and nail through the system. My friend's daughter (who is mentally ill) imploded. In her head, people said he would plea bargin, and that didn't happen at all. She felt betrayed by everyone. The punishment she wanted (long jail time) didn't work that way at all.

What happened. The man served time while awaiting trial. The big deal was not going on the sex offender list. It got pleaded down to deliquency of a minor and something else, time served, and no registering on the sex offender list.

There was a big back lash on my friend's family afterwards, but don't want to say much more about that. PM me if you want to know.

The main thing is make sure your daughter know you believe her, no matter what goes down with the case, whether it gets pleaded down to nothing or thrown out. Like I said, sometimes justice is more a chess/shell.game than pure right or pure wrong.

You, your daughter and family are in my thoughts.

They can't legally stop, it but they would often advise not to because it can sometimes prejudice a case.

It is complicated to understand, but there are sound reasons behind it sometimes. It is best have Lawyer explain why.

No, don't let the fact that he was autistic fool you. He knows exactly what he did and that it was wrong. Speaking for myself as someone who is on the spectrum, even though we have deficits in understanding or noticing non-verbal cues such as body language, we normally compensate for that with verbal communication. That's why if you look at the statistics, the vast majority of people with ASD's do not commit crimes. In fact, perhaps because using verbal communication in place of practically anything that I don't understand non-verbally is something that I do anyway, means that concepts such as affirmative consent when it comes to sexual situations would already make more sense to me than seems to make to NT's. Yet it's actually NT's who are the are the ones who sometimes have to be taught it and even ridicule it when they are (there are courses in it on college campuses, usually by anti-rape campaigners). The point is that he not only knew the difference between right and wrong in this case, he was capable of making choices based on his knowledge of right and wrong (as in fact, any autism expert would even tell you) and chose to do wrong. So yes, he's responsible for his actions, even legal responsibility.