What to do with this guy who is attracted to me?

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Cafeaulait
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12 Nov 2014, 5:37 pm

*Drumrolls*

So I've been following latin dance classes for 2 months now at the universitary sport centre. There is this Italian guy there who is clearly physically attracted to me. He often checks me out and without any shame he looks me up and down. I find it really akward and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know if these are cultural differences, or that he plainly has no manners.
Anyway, he is a nice guy and studies technical engineering which means he is also smart. Yet, I am not at all interested in him. First of all, he is an exchange student and will be moving back to Italy in only a few months. I don't do long distance relationships and I am not prepared to move to Italy. Second, I get the feeling that he is quite a womanizer. When he added me on facebook, I saw he added four other girls from Latin class at the same time. Even though he might not see them in the same way he sees me, it does make me wonder. He also dances very physically and smoothly with others girls in our class. I feel that he thinks I might be the easy kind of girl, an exotic piece of candy, with a nice body, that he can conquer while he is abroad.

Now here's my problem:
I am just not that attracted to this guy, for the reasons mentionned above. I also don't feel that much of a connection, even though he is nice. Now, on facebook he keeps asking me when I am going to cook for him, he keeps inviting me to events and (birthday)parties. I mean, I like this guy, but I don't want anything with him. I am not the easy sleazy covergirl kind of breezy girl that will just go with the flow and sees where ships sails. He is also quite persistent about his invitations when I reject them. When I say: 'no, I am not coming tonight because my friend is sick and I'm not going to a party -at an unknown place and where I don't know anyone- all by myself', he will keep on going. He will ask questions like: 'can't you come with another friends?', 'don't you trust me?' and all that jazz. It gets on my nerves. I don't want to be mean to this guy, but at the same time I don't want to give him false hope. He asked me what I was doing for the weekend and I said I was going to see my family in my hometown. Now he even asked me to give him a tour around my hometown sometime soon. I wouldn't mind doing that but I HAVE NO ROMANTIC INTEREST IN HIM WHATSOEVER.
How do I deal with this?



nerdygirl
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12 Nov 2014, 6:24 pm

Unfortunately, I think you have no choice but to be extremely direct. His pestering and some of the comments he has made make him seem even more sleazy. I think you should say, "I do not have any interest in having a relationship with you outside of class and politely ask you to cease contacting me." He needs to stop. Pronto. If he continues, you have a different problem on your hands.

You also need to unfriend him on Facebook.



kraftiekortie
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12 Nov 2014, 6:28 pm

You have tell him the truth.

You like him as a friend, but not romantically. Don't tell him he's a "playa" and all that.

If he gets upset (one could sympathize; I don't like rejection myself), it's a "tough nuggies" kind of situation. He'll have to handle it, like guys have been "handling it" since the Dawn of Man.

I'm sure he'll do okay with another girl.



progaspie
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12 Nov 2014, 7:20 pm

Just keep fobbing him off. Soon he will lose interest in you and move onto the next girl. Next thing he will be back in Italy and no longer a problem.



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12 Nov 2014, 7:25 pm

Just clearly tell him you aren't intrested in a romantic relationship with him....and if you think he's nice and don't want to cut him out of your life per say, say you just want to be friends. Has he actually asked you out? or just to go do things....maybe he is just trying to be friendly and not trying to get with you kind of hard to tell from the post....but perhaps there are other details you left out which is understandable.


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Fnord
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12 Nov 2014, 7:36 pm

Tell him that you love children, that you are not on birth control, and that you are looking for a man who can support a large family and a suitable wedding. Then describe the wedding that you want -- only a few hundred guests, ten bridesmaids, a 20-piece orchestra -- and how you want to honeymoon in the bridal suite at a five-star hotel in Monaco. Then sit down with him and a stack of Modern Bride magazines, and remark how 4-carat engagement rings are just too pretentious when a 2 carat ring is just as nice.

Oh, and mention that you hope he doesn't mind if Mom moves in and lives with the two of you for the first few years ... you know ... to take care of the twins ... they run in the family ... triplets, too ... :wink: :twisted:


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slenkar
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12 Nov 2014, 9:15 pm

Fnord wrote:
Tell him that you love children, that you are not on birth control, and that you are looking for a man who can support a large family and a suitable wedding. Then describe the wedding that you want -- only a few hundred guests, ten bridesmaids, a 20-piece orchestra -- and how you want to honeymoon in the bridal suite at a five-star hotel in Monaco. Then sit down with him and a stack of Modern Bride magazines, and remark how 4-carat engagement rings are just too pretentious when a 2 carat ring is just as nice.

Oh, and mention that you hope he doesn't mind if Mom moves in and lives with the two of you for the first few years ... you know ... to take care of the twins ... they run in the family ... triplets, too ... :wink: :twisted:

good one :) :D



yournamehere
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12 Nov 2014, 9:31 pm

Ask him strait up, and say "hey italian dude... are you trying to be friendly, or do you want to get your feet wet, because I'm not doing it." you may get an honest answer. If he says something you don't like, just tell him you are not down with that, and you would prefer doing something standing up. Preferrably walking.


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timtowdi
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12 Nov 2014, 10:29 pm

Say, "Excuse me. You're bothering me. Please stop." And if he doesn't, notify the instructor.



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13 Nov 2014, 2:54 am

Also, you don't need to give a reason not go out with him. If he asks and you say "No, because I don't have time today" he'll just try again next day. It may sound a bit unfriendly but just "No" should do, and if he asks why "because I don't want to" should make it clear.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Nov 2014, 3:04 am

Fnord wrote:
Tell him that you love children, that you are not on birth control, and that you are looking for a man who can support a large family and a suitable wedding. Then describe the wedding that you want -- only a few hundred guests, ten bridesmaids, a 20-piece orchestra -- and how you want to honeymoon in the bridal suite at a five-star hotel in Monaco. Then sit down with him and a stack of Modern Bride magazines, and remark how 4-carat engagement rings are just too pretentious when a 2 carat ring is just as nice.

Oh, and mention that you hope he doesn't mind if Mom moves in and lives with the two of you for the first few years ... you know ... to take care of the twins ... they run in the family ... triplets, too ... :wink: :twisted:


You have just described the typical conservative Middle-Easten girl.



Cafeaulait
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13 Nov 2014, 4:05 am

trollcatman wrote:
Also, you don't need to give a reason not go out with him. If he asks and you say "No, because I don't have time today" he'll just try again next day. It may sound a bit unfriendly but just "No" should do, and if he asks why "because I don't want to" should make it clear.


Wow you are so right.



Cafeaulait
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13 Nov 2014, 4:16 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Just clearly tell him you aren't intrested in a romantic relationship with him....and if you think he's nice and don't want to cut him out of your life per say, say you just want to be friends. Has he actually asked you out? or just to go do things....maybe he is just trying to be friendly and not trying to get with you kind of hard to tell from the post....but perhaps there are other details you left out which is understandable.


He has not yet asked me out but I'm sure that constantly inviting me and asking me about my life. Wanting me to show him around town is just a way to get himself in my life.



AngelRho
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13 Nov 2014, 6:33 am

Wait?is this the same person who says nobody would ever go out with her? Hmmm?

Otherwise?what nerdygirl said.



Cafeaulait
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13 Nov 2014, 8:21 am

AngelRho wrote:
Wait?is this the same person who says nobody would ever go out with her? Hmmm?

Otherwise?what nerdygirl said.


It's the first time in three years and besides he only wants me for my body and he is a foreigner so again, no real shot at love. Anyway I will continue to reject his invitations.



Fnord
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13 Nov 2014, 1:27 pm

Slenkar wrote:
good one

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You have just described the typical conservative Middle-Easten girl.

The idea is to impress upon the Italian Lothario that she is a "Committment Only" type of woman, and one with very expen$ive tastes.


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