Where does out and out lying play into Asperger's?

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motherofhim
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25 May 2005, 2:36 pm

Aspies seem to have a problem with time management and how long things take to do and the reality of what takes how long; how much time needs to be invested in something.

For example, a 20 minute assignment can be turned into a 3 hour tantrum because an individual thought it was a half day assignment, when it would be done in 20 minutes. There is something wrong inasmuch time spent and actual time is not accurately seen, causing problems of such.

I'd have to say that time management is a problem for plenty of people, and Aspies have it worse.


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jman
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25 May 2005, 10:22 pm

Motherofhim,

(my god why do you call yourself that????) Do me a big favor and stop dwelling on all your sons "dysfunctional" behavior. It does neither him or you no good. Lying has nothing to with AS, thats just a personality flaw I do it too, and do it well :twisted: If you keep coming down on your son for all his 'adnormal' behavior what kind of message do you think that sends him whether he realizes it or not?


I see this alot in parents of those with AS. They only see the negatives. Their child's quirkiness is a threat to their ego, A 'normal' parent would love their child for all the wonderful things they have to offer the world, and not post on a message baord about their unusual behavior. Sure they would get help for the child, but they would try to encourage them, not scold them each time they did something that was dysfunctional.


Aspies have alot to offer the world, their intense focus makes them capable of making great contributions to society(look at einstein), their honest (well in your son;s case to a point), they are loyal, and for the most part kind hearted,and don;t intentionally mean to upset you.


Stop confining your son to some diagnostic label, its making me sicker by the minute. See your son as a person not a label. Sounds like you need some help yourself. :roll:



ElfMan
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26 May 2005, 6:08 am

What gives you the idea that the way you have spoken to this mother is appropriate. That post is top of the class bullsh*t jman and I cannot see anything in motherofhim's posts that warrent the way you have used her as a vent to whatever anger you are harbouring at the moment!

You guys need to learn to keep your rants to those that come seeking it, not to those that come with genuine inquiries as a way of gaining understanding.


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jman
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26 May 2005, 9:08 am

Im sorry elfman, but I see alot of this on board not just from Parents, but from people on this board. Nobody should define themselves by their labels. Everyone is unique, and has their own wants and needs.Motherofhim Im sorry for going off you last night, but im tired of people's overeacting to autism/AS. IMHO, AS is disabling only if you let it. You need to learn to find ways around your impairments if you want to live a normal life.


I know motherhim wants the best for her son, what parent wouldn't? I just don't like how she blames everything that goes wrong with her son like lying, on AS. This sounds like a seperate issue from AS, however it does need to be addressed. I also think its good they found early, the more they intervene with her son, the more likely he'll be able to succeed.

Im very sorry for going off on you motherofhim, it takes a toll on you to know something is wrong with your child. All your hopes and dreams for your child it seems has been shattered. However, if you beleive in your son, he will believe in himself. Get all the help for him you can now, so he has chance at living a normal life. Don;t let clinical accounts of AS discourgae you.

See when I was little, my parents were told their was no hope for me, I would have to be in institution by the time I was 5. They said I would never be able to function in society. However didn;t believe that, they believed in me, gave me early intervention. Even though, I was in my own world, oblivious to everything, and unable to communicate effectively, generally I was a happy child. Somewhere in my subconcious though I wanted to do something so I can live a semi normal life and make my parents proud. And so far I have done that.

I wish you the best of luck with your son.

Jman



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26 May 2005, 7:47 pm

Thankyou for the genuine apology jman.

:P


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motherofhim
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29 May 2005, 1:23 am

This is the wish that most parents have; that they do just enough, and not too much.

It would be a lot easier to sit back, ignore the problem, have a martini and say "screw it".....let the young man just be what he wants to be and if that's okay with him, it is okay with me.

However, I do want the best for all kids, Aspie or not. I could have done a lot more in my own life as "just regular folk" were it not for sex, drugs and rock and roll and no one to really give a damn......but that is a whole other story. I feel like Marlon Brando saying "I could have been a contender!.............

We try to do everything we can for our son, no matter how he tries to "outsmart" us, and we always will. He does want to go to college and become a teacher; better than the ones that he has had to "suffer with".

As my son doesn't care to come onto this website, I may as well have called myself Ian's Mom; since there is no reason for me to be anonymous. Ian accepts himself as he is and we do too, we only want him to 'be all the he can be' to use the Army's parlance.

So, Ian gave a beautiful piano recital last week. He loves his lessons and played Guantanamera and the Entertainer extremely well, not even needing the music in front of him. Am I sorry for pestering him to practice? Not one darn bit. He got pestered like any regular kid would be.

Best wishes to all my buds here.

Thank you

Ian's Mom


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Pandora
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21 Jul 2005, 7:19 am

Part of the problem to me lies in kids being assigned too much homework, particularly in primary school. I think most of the work should be able to be finished in the classroom.

School is tiring for all kids, but especially for AS kids who have to work even harder than most to process their environment. I know that it is important to get assignments done but maybe it is possible to talk to the child's teachers to see if there is some way to hook the assignments into one of their perseverative interests in some way.

I don't know how typical I was of Aspie kids, but I tended to work very hard on subjects that interested me and give up easily on stuff I didn't understand eg. high school maths. I didn't study much but read voraciously so now have a lot of general knowledge.

I had/have many obsessive interests eg.

light poles
moths
caterpillars
frogs and toads
gates
house gables
wishing wells
stained glass and casement windows
praying mantises
fur
cats
collecting music
plus many others.


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21 Jul 2005, 10:42 am

I have a very hard time lying to others. My Eye-contact starts to shift, I start to sound even more English than I already do, a smile starts to crack, and I always end up laughing hysterically.



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25 Jul 2005, 6:39 am

I can't lie convincingly.


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LawAndDisorder
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27 Jul 2005, 11:19 pm

Hello, I'm new to this board and I just found this thread. I want to reassure the parents who have posted here that the lying may not be a long-term problem.

I lied CONSTANTLY about homework when I was in middle school and high school. I would do well on tests but fail classes because I refused to turn in a single assignment. I drove my parents up the wall.

But I went to college anyway and everything turned around. Suddenly the ability to study only what interested me and pursue it intently made all the mental blocks about doing homework disappear. I knew all along that the reason I wasn't doing my homework was that I didn't see the point, it was complete busy work that taught me nothing, and when it acquired meaning in college suddenly I did it. Now I am in law school (hard to believe for someone who wouldn't do his homework in high school, right?) and I am near the top of my class! So I bet that if your children find what they love and aren't forced to waste time on things that don't matter they can turn out fine. The lying happens because they are forced to do something that they see no purpose in doing.

Oh, and as far as the lying goes, I don't lie at all anymore. In fact, now people criticize me for being too literally truthful about everything.



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28 Jul 2005, 12:26 am

To answer the topic: Why ask us? We could be lying. :P


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NoMore
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28 Jul 2005, 10:17 am

thatrsdude wrote:
To answer the topic: Why ask us? We could be lying. :P


LMAO!! !! !! !! !! ! :lol:



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28 Jul 2005, 10:31 am

Thank you law and disorder.

That was helpful to hear.

BeeBee



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28 Jul 2005, 10:31 am

Quote:
The skillful liar tells his enemies the truth, then convinces them that it is a lie.


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Ronnie
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28 Jul 2005, 9:18 pm

He Can not ! he will addmit all even when I try to make him lie as a game or paly stuff he can not do this. I think we all need to Lie in some cases .
does anyone have any ideas how I can teach him ?



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02 Aug 2005, 7:15 am

I agree with the comment that kids are likely to tell fibs about their homework if they see no point in it. I also wonder if it is really true that an Aspie kid can "out and out lie". That might be more of the perception of those around them.


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