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Roach
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02 Jan 2016, 11:26 am

Sorry if someone said this already, but I saw that many people here said that you should be sure of your sexuality before you come out and that's just not true. Sexuality is a fluid thing, it does not always stay exactly the same, and you can always learn new things about it and yourself. There is no end of the quest, the definitive answer, you just keep on learning. I think that you should be able to come out whenever you want. You could always say you are queer, which can be a catch all term but some find that term derogatory. I think everyone who's sexuality is not straight should be able to call themselves gay, they do call the movement 'gay rights' and talk about 'gay marriage' after all, so clearly in some cases it applies to all of us. I am a non-binary gendered person who everyone I feel in love with we thought was a girl at the time but turned out later to be trans men, which is hella confusing so I just end up calling myself gay and getting on with my life. Love who you want, join the communities you want to, describe yourself with the terms that you want. Don't feel like you have to stick with a particular label forever or force yourself into a box.



Edenthiel
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02 Jan 2016, 1:43 pm

I often find it helpful to remind myself that "the LGBT community" doesn't exist as a physical thing any more than "Autistic people". The terms encompass too much diversity, except for when they can serve as a convenient shorthand for a group of people misunderstood & mistreated by the larger society.

But there are subcultures that tend to be quite a bit more specialized and often exist along the lines of intersectionality. Find ones that fit and you find support, comradery and often, easier friendships.

Insofar as coming out, a bit over half of America is conservative Christian. They really don't care if we come out as militant queer & genderf*ck or assimilationist gay. At the other end of a constructed spectrum are the tiny group of people who are just. like. you. - and understand you perfectly (I'm told they exist out there somewhere). Everyone else is somewhere inbetween, and will to some degree blend us all together anyway in their representation of us. So perhaps "coming out" has different meanings and need for specificity depending on who you are coming out *to*.


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aspiebeauty87
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05 Jan 2016, 6:05 pm

DevilKisses, I feel that same way. I am a genderqueer, bi autistic and I feel like nobody understands me. I just feel lost, upset and lonely. I wish sometimes I were just straight or gay then I'd get rejected only by 1 sex which would make rejection a lot easier.



lordoflegions
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08 May 2017, 6:33 pm

League_Girl wrote:
The irony kills me about the LGBT community. They want to be accepted but yet they won't accept asexuals and gray-a's and insist something is wrong with them and tell them to go get therapy to find out the "problem." Now I find out some are biphobics. Don't they realize the name stands for lesbian gays bisexual trans? So why wouldn't they accept bisexuals? They think it's not real just like how people don't believe how anyone can not be sexually attracted to anyone or how anyone can't possibly truly be a man or woman on the inside they therefore they must be delusional if they think that or think they live a fantasy.

Personally, I view asexuals as a threat to me.

I am very lonely and I look at it like this.

For every asexual in the world there is some miserable person rotting in misery alone, when an asexual could save them but chooses not to.

And they will force asexuality on us like everything else.

Remember fighting? Then people came along as said "I don't want to fight." Now you aren't allowed to fight, even if you like fighting. Because the powers-that-be deem it barbaric, animalistic, etc. Who's to say the same trend wont happen with asexuality at the forefront. Sex is already taboo as it is. We are entering slippery slope territory.


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lidsmichelle
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09 May 2017, 1:34 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Have you ever noticed the Q at the end of LGBTQ before?

Come out as "Questioning," if that's what you know you are - Questioning your sexuality and in a phase of trying to determine exactly what it is & will end up being. Also keep in mind that some people's sexuality is a little more fluid and may tend to change throughout their lifetime. You may be one of those people. Regardless, whatever your sexuality is at the present moment is what it is - always - whether it consistently stays the same or not, well, time will tell.

Also idk about other LGBT communities but the ones I've been involved with aren't bothered by people misidentifying their gender or sexual identity. Before I was definitely sure I was a lesbian every single gay person I knew said it was fine to identify as lesbian if I felt I was. You're allowed to realize you feel differently if you do later. I identified as bi for over a decade before realizing I was a lesbian.


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Mona Pereth
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13 Nov 2018, 4:05 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
I'm having so much trouble with the LGBT community. I have OCD and some other issues. My OCD makes me constantly question my sexual orientation. This is absolute hell for me.

Everyone in the LGBT community thinks I'm just "young and confused". They constantly give me useless advice that probably works for people who don't have OCD. I try to explain it to them, but they just don't get it. They continue to hold on to the idea that their generic advice will actually help me.


Do you live in a major metropolitan area? If so, it should be possible to organize a local self-help group for LGBTQ (where Q = questioning) people with OCD. If you haven't done so already, you might want to check to see if such a group already exists. Try your local LGBT community center, try Meetup.com, try asking your therapist (if you have one), and try just Googling for it.


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