Do you feel you weren't meant to have long term friends?
Butterfiend
Sea Gull
Joined: 9 Oct 2014
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 210
Location: Nowhere worth visiting.
I feel like when I get really close to someone, they eventually leave. Do others feel this way?
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LokiofSassgard
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2014
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 719
Location: My own autistic wonderland!
At the time, I have wanted to... but things happened that made me lose those friends. Most of my friends usually come and go, but lately... I've had a better time making long-term friends rather well.
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Currently diagnosed with Autistic Disorder, ADHD, severe anxiety, learning delays and developmental delays.
One of my online friends told me: "People just come and go"...
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I don't think I'm not meant to have a long-term friend but I certainly do feel I'm not, after all the short-lived "friendships".
I know there's something weird about me and I seem to stink of all the qualities of a loser or something. I don't know exactly what but people slowly/suddenly start distancing themselves from me. If I was born this way, maybe I'm indeed not meant to have long-term friends.
I'm guilty of this myself, but you have to put in the effort if you want to sustain a friendship. It can't be only one sided, like them starting up every conversation, inviting you to every outing.
Friends naturally do come and go, especially as you age and you have less time for carefree hangouts that you had in high school. Your social circle does naturally contract but you don't have to let it be so if you make the effort to maintain and establish new friendships, especially if you aren't currently doing full time work + studying / housekeeping. I'm currently trying to balance work with social outings, while reading up on and studying multiple topics, from academic topics directly related to my job to learning how to drive. I try to ensure that when I spend time with my friends, its often with a large group so my time isn't as heavily monopolized. For my closest friends, I definitely do need to take the time to hang out.
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badgerface
Velociraptor
Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 479
Location: St. Neots, Cambridgeshire UK
Firstly, nobody is meant to have long-term friends or not. It's a situation determined by hundreds of factors; it's not meant to be anything; that implies some sort of reason or plan behind someone's existence and their interaction with acquaintances. It's something under the control of the individuals, albeit heavily influenced by factors such as distance, life-changes, family and especially as it pertains to those on the spectrum; social awkwardness and difficulties interacting with others.
I've only ever really had 1 friend at a time; going through phases of my life. But, I never can or want to put in the effort to see them - once I "partnered up", settled down, moved away and had kids, that takes up enough of my time, especially with full-time work added into the mix; the spare time I have left over I want for myself.
I currently have 1 friend, and he's been that for 5 years now. I classify him as a friend as opposed to an acquaintance or a colleague (he works at the same place as me) because he lives close, has very similar interests and opinions on those interests (taste in film, comedy, video games) and "gets" me. He never asks me to go out drinking, or to socialise with others, he's happy just coming over for a few hours a couple of evenings a month to watch a Movie and play some PlayStation. Incidentally, 75% of the time he initiates this. But, it makes me happy to have it this way - with my partner and children, 1 friend is enough for me. I dare say I'd be content with none; as interaction with people where conversation could switch to personal matters, opinions on things that are important to me does not make me happy, it puts me on edge and I don't like it.
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"You're entitled to your wrong opinion..."
They either get tired of me, act like they cant stand being around me anymore, or I get exhausted from their company and want to run away. never had a 'friend' for more than a few weeks without it getting on my or his/her nerves.
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People like me at first, and want to get to know me and eventually arrange to meet up with me. Once they have met up with me a few times, they suddenly find something annoying about me and then start to back away. I know it's something in my personality what they find a little too eccentric for their liking. I really don't see why people dislike eccentric people. As long as a person is pleasant and friendly and a nice person, I don't see what the difference is. I like eccentric people. I find them interesting and funny (as in ha-ha funny).
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Female
By the way the true friends I have got are eccentric, so they don't mind being friends with me. I think they are too eccentric themselves to notice how eccentric I am.
My boyfriend on the other hand is far from eccentric. He has his own odd ways because everybody does, but he is not eccentric at all. That is rather unsettling. I don't know if an eccentric woman and a completely non-eccentric man can live together. But they always say opposites attract, so maybe it might be quite necessary to have one scatty, nervous person and one calm, organized person.
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Female
Evil_Chuck
Velociraptor
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 494
Location: Lost in my thoughts.
It seems that way. Every time I try to get close to someone, I get hurt and it ends soon--if it even begins.
I'd have to go back to middle school to find a relationship that didn't end that way. I was best friends with another kid in my special ed classroom. We drifted apart quickly after graduating.
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