Such high standards

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I got it from one of the site admins(becauseitowns). And FYI, yes there are plenty of fake female profiles but I can tell you from personal experience that okcupid works. Or at least it works for me.

I don't think anyone is badgering him. People are giving him feedback to the things he's posted.

He's stated several times in multiple threads that he's unwilling to change himself and doesn't believe he should have to in order to attract someone. But then he continues to complain that women aren't attracted to him. It's getting a bit old. That's why I've suggested he try doing something differently in order to improve himself and make himself more attractive to others.

No one suggested he magically become instantly successful and happy. It takes time & hard work to improve yourself. I know, I've done it. About 4 years ago I was 242lbs with a 38" waist and equally unhappy as I was unhealthy. Today I'm about 200lbs with a 32" waist and fairly strongly built. Most of the physical gains have been made over the last 2 years vs. spread over 4 years. But yeah, I fully comprehend that it takes time & effort to improve one's self and don't expect anyone to change over night. The only thing that's a bit bothersome is reading the same complaints over and over and no posts about doing anything differently in order to change anything he's not happy with.

Acting as though depression is a character flaw is disgusting behaviour? No, I'd say it's pretty normal. I certainly wouldn't list depression as a "pro" or an attractive trait. To me, it's rather unattractive and I wouldn't want to spend much time around someone who's clinically depressed. Most people don't enjoy that. And I'm no hypocrite about it, either. When I was horrendously depressed a couple years ago I intentionally avoided all but one of my friends for many months, and then avoided the last one for a few months, too. I did so so as not to burden them with having to be subjected to me in that state. I tried to only visit/see any of them as Needed, and tried to be as positive as possible when I did see them. Also, the last friend to join the avoidance list was also avoiding me at that time, too. We talked about it more than a year after the fact when I was in a much better state of mind, and in his total honesty he told me he was doing his own avoiding of me back then because he didn't want to be around someone in such a negative state of mind. I understood and respected that, as well as appreciated him sharing it. I'm sharing this because it's a real world example of someone else who also views depression as an undesirable trait in others that they don't want to be around.

There is a difference between a character flaw and an unattractive trait.

Call it whatever you want. It's still not something most people desire in a potential partner.

Yes, but thats not the same thing. While depression is definitely not attractive, it is not a weakness either. That is, its not a flaw of character.

Depression is NOT a character flaw. It is a temporary mental illness. Fortunately, it is treatable. Most of the time it responds to medication and sly, if you are depressed you need to get psychiatric treatment for it! You are correct that it isn't pleasant to be around someone who is really depressed and being in that state of mind creates massive inhibitions against making the necessary changes in ones life.

Exactly.

There's nothing wrong with the way Sly looks. He has to find a way, perhaps with the assistance of therapy, to improve his outlook. He also must invite a chick to his house for a barbecue.

One of the biggest road blocks to self-improvement is not the fact that it requires a lot of hard work, but the fact that one must not expect immediate results. You need a way to pass the time between when you start working on yourself and when you reach your goals.

And for whatever duration it lasts, it's not pleasant or desirable to be around someone who's very depressed.

Yes, it is treatable. It may respond to medication, or some sort of therapy, but it's also likely to respond to a healthier diet & plenty of exercise - so I disagree with your statement that you "need" to get psychiatric treatment for it.

Yes, being in that state creates constraints against positive changes.. but for me, being in that state was, in part, my motivation to make positive changes. I couldn't accept being in that state permanently. I had to figure out a way to think/feel better. I gave myself no other choice, really. I was determined to beat it & so, I did. And not instantly or by magic, but via learning, hard work, CBT to an extent, and naturopathic medicine. It also helped that I had (and have) wonderful friends in my life that I wanted to be around and wanted to be happy around vs. feel I was a burdening drain of energy on them. That also motivated me to do whatever I needed to do to improve my state of mind whenever my own personal well being and goals weren't quite enough to keep my focus.

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pretty sure goldfish is a guy. and it was about how he seems to keep ignoring that I am trying. offereing me the same failed advice won't work.

Last edited by sly279 on 17 Jan 2015, 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If, 10 pages in, you haven't convinced others that your perspective is valid, then maybe it is time to let this thread die.

was in therapy for my adhd, but stopped for the seasonal job I have, I don't think I go back though now that work is over.

i need friends and stuff. i only get to like interact with a person online gaming once a week. thats pretty much all my social interaction. as i don't have any other online game friends since I moved to ps and they stayed on xbox. can't make more, as people don't socialize online anymore they all get in their private parties and play leaving the ingame chat silent. any possible benefit of medication is far outweighed by the possible worse side effects and loss of my rights.

If I had people to hang out with and do things with I'd probably be happy again. cue the you can't rely on people to bring you happiness people..

me if that was true then wouldn't' we all live alone instead of in big cities. humans like/need to intereact with other humans.

A few questions. Why not go back to therapy to work on your feelings of depression? It sounds like you've restricted your interpersonal relationships to the internet; what about friends in real life? Finally, could you elaborate on what you mean by "the possible worse side effects [of medication] and loss of [your] rights"?

You so can't. Other people will not bring you happiness, they will just frustrate you.
If the doctor has recommended medication, try it. Better living through chemistry.

Yes, I'm a guy.

OK then, what are you trying? What are you doing differently? How is it working out for you?

My advice is only "failed advice" if you've actually tried it and determined that it won't work for you. But somehow I find it difficult to believe that self improvement, healthy diet & exercise etc are things that won't work for anyone. Further, it hasn't been a long enough amount of time for you to have improved your health via diet & exercise, or other means, so that's another reason for me not to believe you've tried all of these things and they didn't work for you.

But I am curious, what are you doing & trying differently?