Passing permanently for an NT

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Really, I have a two part question.

The first part is have some of you on here able to pass for an NT after knowing someone for awhile. Personally, I generally pass for one in day to day conversations, but generally after people know me for awhile, they are able to detect some eccentricies. Any advice on preventing anyone from ever picking up on it?

Second, is it possible to change people's opinions of you that know you're an Aspie/eccentric? My family treats me different (not exactly cruelly, although a few of them have) than they do others. If I am able to pass for an NT, they might hold me back by continuing to dwell on my eccentricies. I'd hate to have to cut them out of my life, but if I bring a girlfriend or something home, I'm worried that their perception of me could cause problems.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Why would you want to pass for someone you're not?

You should accept the fact that you're on the spectrum and not try to hide it. If people judge you for it, screw them, it's their loss. That's the way I look at it.

It would be nice if I didn't have to do this, but the fact is the world is dominated by NTs. But you're right, I will just have to find a set of people who like me for me.

There are many NT's who are not so NT. They appreciate "eccentric" behavior as much, or perhaps even more, than someone on the Spectrum.

The world is also dominated by heterosexuals, but homosexuals still come out of the closet. The only way to get acceptance for AS is to be visible as a person with AS. Live an authentic life.

this actually is part of the problem: there are many more high functioning autistics and aspergians around then most people think, but they hide by passing as NT.

that said; i can pass well enough to be seen as just "odd" with no annotations, for a few hours each day (working hours), but i usually slowly disclose, one symptom at a time. once the boss and coworkers are used to me and my symptoms, i go for the full disclosure (assuming i plan to work there longer).

I pass very well. It feels isolating. Sometimes I yearn for the chance to "come out" to someone. But the reality is that when I do, they don't understand. They usually say something that can be summed up as "but you don't look like rain man!" The worst part of passing most of the time is that when my spectrum traits show up, people think that I'm being anti-social, rude, or deliberately off. I don't hear of people seeing my awkward traits and thinking that I'm just unique. And they certainly don't think that I'm strong for working as hard as I do to be present to them socially. I work really hard at relating to people. Its exhausting. I yearn to have that hard work honored.

Passing is extremely stressful and emotionally exhausting. You may find yourself very depressed later on trying to conceal who you really are while other people are free to be themselves. I have passed before not only as an N.T but as other things as well and it broke my self esteem.

I suppose to pass you'd have to work out how your eccentricities are coming across, and then consciously deal with masking them. I sometimes become aware that the NT person I'm speaking to knows I'm different, but I don't always know what I've done to identify myself as such; sometimes my mask works, sometimes it glitches.

For what its worth though it's OK to be different, strange, odd, eccentric etc., with or without the autism label. It's very tiring and isolating to have to keep up a pretence around people, and letting your guard down around someone once they get to know you is actually a nice relief. So if you feel safe and comfortable doing so, you could formally disclose AS, but otherwise you could just be the weird one. People still like weird people, besides which eccentricity is not an exclusively ND trait.

Greetings,

I can understand wanting to fit in/be viewed as NT...but I would caution you with this. Being NT is not the answer. Hell, I know a lot of NT's that can't stand each other, and struggle with a lot of the same problems that everyone else in the world struggles with including those individuals on the spectrum. I realized in my earl twenties that there were two me's...the person I was when I wasn't around anybody or just my close friends, and then the person I felt I needed to be to fit in. Regardless of how well I thought I fit in, I didn't. There will always be someone in the world that doesn't like you, agree with you, want to hang out with you. The challenge is minimizing those people and their affect in your life, and being true to yourself. If people don't suspect anything until they know you for a while, that's great. This is the time where YOU get to see if they like you for you. If they stick around and like you for you, then great. If they don't, well at least ya know. True friends aren't going to care, they'll be able to look past your eccentricities.

As for the family, I think the same thing applies. I know it's a tough road and I'm sure there are things that all of us share that we would like to have "be a little more normal" If you can't be yourself, who can you be? Kind Regards. Shark

You have to remember that NTs are also not being who they should be (no offense).

Most of them are always obsessed with what is "in" or what clothes are in style, or what is considered popular. I too feel like I am always wearing a mask around them.

I have been known to walk up to a cute girl and get her number in a couple minutes by playing the "Smooth guy" (usually for the ego boost), but I don't get into relationships because the mask slowly begins falling.

I have passed as NT for 45 years albeit one with mental health issues , then again I haven't been diagnosed so could well be NT

Would I pass off as one? Hahahahah no

Some days I'm okay, other days I can't even talk properly. I even grunted at my boss once when he said hi, because I didn't know what else to say.

How does your family treat you differently? Condescension? Teasing? Apathy?
I'm not convinced that passing 100% or permanently is a worthwhile endeavor. What is important, is not letting the assumptions of others limit you.

As long as you determine that both you and your girlfriend can withstand your family's reaction(s), you might get the benefit of a great relationship and help change your family's perception as an added bonus. This is all assuming the biggest issue is them imagining their own limitations for you.

Most NT's do not know they are NT because they do not know of the concept. So how could they fooled by my faking something they nothing about?

I can say my diagnosis of moderate to severe Aspergers was instructive because it made me realize that my attempts to succeed at appearing not so different were not working as well as I thought they were. Now my goal is not to pass as NT but to use whatever faking skills I have aquired as a tool and to never forget it is no more then a tool.

An "NT" is anyone who doesn't have autism. Which means virtually everyone on the planet. So is it possible to mask mild autism traits and appear to be like all the other seven billion people running around? I suppose so.