Ladies, wouldn't that bother you? (A bomb question)

Page 1 of 5 [ 65 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,889
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

22 Jan 2015, 5:40 pm

hurtloam wrote:

No, that doesn't seem like a dreadful thing at all. People keep telling me that it will only take one person to change your mind and make you want to settle down. If I was the only one to respond I must have responded for a reason, something must have made me want to talk to him.

If he stayed for a couple of years even though he didn't really even like me then I would be upset because I would feel used. Especially if I had fallen for him and he didn't feel the same way. That would hurt.

Ahh hurtloam, btw how's your new boyfriend doing?

Quote:

If I was the only one to respond I must have responded for a reason, something must have made me want to talk to him.

Yes, but that means the picking factor was one-sided: your side. You picked him because of some reason, while he "picked" you because you were simply the only one who responded to him, that's absolutely no equal reasons.

----------------------------
That's why I find it's absolutely important for guys to become generally attractive to women so they can have more refined choices with who they want to end up, so they can really afford to CHOOSE the right one and not ending up with just any one, this can be especially hard on dating sites for many.

Pizzagal3000
Snowy Owl

Joined: 25 Dec 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 152
Location: In The Land Of Quality Music

22 Jan 2015, 5:42 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Let's say you have realized that you were the only option for your current bf/husband, probably because you were the only one who said yes to his asking out (while he asked out many before), or you were the only one (or besides very very few) who replied to his message on dating site/app (while he messaged 100s), wouldn't that bother you?

Wouldn't bother you that the real main reason why he went to a first date with you was because he had not much of other options, and probably would have not picked you if he had 100 options willing to date him in his surrounding or in his web dating's inbox?

Because you know, I see it happening a lot with guys on dating site, they seem to date anyone who have replied them out of the 100s they messaged.

And it's know, that many of you ladies had a lot of suitors/admirers and you had to filter a lot to pick your guy, wouldn't bother he if your picked guy didn't go through a similar process?

BOOM!

Think well before replying.

I kinda feel that way myself.....

I have no idea what its like to even receive that much attention!

_________________
I dress anyway want I to, do anything I want to, be anything I want to, cause I got the right to! I is talkin to you(ppl who "oppress" us), boo!----PizzA TimE!! !

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

22 Jan 2015, 5:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You get the idea, it's quite sad for both parties you know, sad for the girl for being in the delusion of thinking that he "picked" her for her - and also sad for the guy who might end up with a girl he doesn't like much and picked her because..."she's better than nothing" because he virtually had no other choice.

I honestly get the feeling that this happens a lot in life in general, not just in the online dating world. Sometimes I see couples who don't seem to even like each other that much, but they ended up together because they were too scared to be alone and had to be with someone, anyone.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,889
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

22 Jan 2015, 5:47 pm

androbot01 wrote:

This whole thread is sad
.

Well, look at me, Boo name, Boo face... how do you expect me to make happy threads??

Quote:

...Boo, why don't you just ask blue_bean to twirl for you like Eugenie Bouchard?

blue_bean, would you twirl for me?

androbot01
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada

22 Jan 2015, 5:54 pm

Dating is overrated. There are other things that can be rewarding. Dating sites aren't places I spend a lot of time on anymore. Ive had bad experiences on them.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

22 Jan 2015, 5:55 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Ahh hurtloam, btw how's your new boyfriend doing?...

Quote:

If I was the only one to respond I must have responded for a reason, something must have made me want to talk to him.

Ah, ok, I see the point you're trying to make. It would hurt. Actually, that's how I usually talk myself out of not making an effort with guys. I tell myself he can't possibly like me, out of all the women he's met, why would he like me?

I don't have a boyfriend. I have a friend of a friend who is very positive and I find that attractive, but I'm not sure if he likes me back. He's the kind of person I want, that I've been looking for, but I can't think of any excuses to talk to him and he hasn't made any effort to talk to me, so meh. I've been alone so long I feel like changing that is really difficult and weird.

slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

22 Jan 2015, 9:44 pm

It would bother me if they were with me just so they can have someone and I was their only option, but if they like me for other reasons besides that and we actually have a connection then I don't think it would really bother me that much.

Moviefan2k4
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Sep 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 944
Location: Texas

22 Jan 2015, 10:21 pm

I've been thinking of joining a dating site, but I wouldn't feel comfortable taking every "match" out in person. I'm looking for someone to share my heart and my life; that's never something to be treated casually.

_________________
God, guns, and guts made America; let's keep all three.

yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

22 Jan 2015, 11:54 pm

Moviefan2k4 wrote:

I've been thinking of joining a dating site, but I wouldn't feel comfortable taking every "match" out in person. I'm looking for someone to share my heart and my life; that's never something to be treated casually.

Bold added. That's how you find them, right? By meeting them in person?

Moviefan2k4
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Sep 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 944
Location: Texas

24 Jan 2015, 2:22 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

Bold added. That's how you find them, right? By meeting them in person?

Not in the context of a site that lets you browse profiles. You just look at different ones, and contact those you think might be interesting.

_________________
God, guns, and guts made America; let's keep all three.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,889
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Aug 2015, 3:42 pm

I want to revive this thread.

Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

10 Aug 2015, 3:56 pm

So this is the absolute kiss of death, as far as dating is concerned, for those of us who have never attracted anybody, right? I mean, if we ever found someone interested in us, we should politely tell them we can't have a relationship because they'd be our only chance, so they should be disgusted with us.

_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

10 Aug 2015, 5:17 pm

When I met my husband, I was the only girlfriend he ever had and he has never had any other relationship. I felt he was desperate and he really wanted a relationship so he was putting up with me. But he was a great guy so it didn't matter why he was dating me. That's all it mattered and he seemed perfect for me despite his feet condition and being uneducated.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,889
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Aug 2015, 5:20 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Aha!! !.....another one.

nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

10 Aug 2015, 6:42 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

blue_bean wrote:

Well of course it would be a hit to my self esteem/image knowing I was at the bottom of the barrel so to speak. If he messaged me and arranged a date I'd at least like to know he partly did so because he found some attractive qualities in me, and not solely because he's desperate and I'm the only option left. I think everyone deserves to be dated by someone who's interested in dating them for THEM. I thought one of the emotional goals of trying to find a GF/BF was to feel desired by someone. That goal goes hurtfully unfulfilled should you date someone who isn't genuinely interested in you.

The 50th girl (usually me) he messaged probably had the intuition to know she wasn't the first so she self-respectfully didn't reply, then we go on and on till he gets to the 100th girl who replies because she has poor self esteem in relation to her looks/social status/dateability and fill herself with false hope that someone may genuinely be interested in her. How hurt is she going to feel when she finds out that's not the case?

Bingo blue_bean!! Bingo!! you are the first girl in this thread who got this right 100%.

And yes, it happens a lot in life and especially in dating sites, it is very possible that some women live their whole life without knowing this detail about their partners' past. Scary, it may be anyone of you ladies.

For example here on WP it's quite common to see males posting a thread something like: "A girl finally replied me on okc after months of messaging, what should I do?" - and yes, it might work, the two might keep dating.

You get the idea, it's quite sad for both parties you know, sad for the girl for being in the delusion of thinking that he "picked" her for her - and also sad for the guy who might end up with a girl he doesn't like much and picked her because..."she's better than nothing" because he virtually had no other choice.

You'll never know the real reason why someone picked you because they will never tell you the truth if the reason is negative (unless they want to hurt your feelings). I'm a realist - I don't understand the reason for such a question.

_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

10 Aug 2015, 6:50 pm

You can demand him solid proof that there are more women interested in him and dump him if he fails to comply. You can corroborate it with the other women. If he turns out to have lied, they might even lend you a hand or two to geld him.

Page 1 of 5 [ 65 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

Jump to:

Ladies, wouldn't that bother you? (A bomb question) Post Reply New Topic

Ladies, wouldn't that bother you? (A bomb question)