Page 3 of 4 [ 56 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

ImAnAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,590
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)

11 Mar 2015, 2:43 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Venger wrote:
ImAnAspie wrote:
People wear masks. They act differently in different situations depending on the company they're in. They change themselves to suit the company they're in.



Yep, sociopaths are the most guilty of this(they're super-fake), and the NTs aren't far behind. :?


I act differently depending on who I'm with though.


But is it something you do consciously or does it just happen?


_________________


Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200

Formally diagnosed in 2007.

Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.



Sherry221B
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2013
Age: 116
Gender: Female
Posts: 670
Location: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

11 Mar 2015, 3:00 pm

Quote:
I think that NT identity is fundamentally different from other peoples' identity. Social flexibility, which they've been learning effortlessly and intuitively from a young age, is built into their identity, so making use of it to be fake and changing with people not only does not threaten their identity, but is a more or less integral part of it and therefore comes rather naturally to a degree that depends on personality type and any sub-clinical neurodiverse traits they have.


Ok. Thank you for sharing your opinion and explaining this to me. I did not really know that this changing happens too; I also knew about using it for manipulation, and that has been after spending lot of time reading to get a glimpse of how people work, or attempting to do so...I have found that, the more things I know, the more unpleasant things I realise...

From my perspective- Trying to imitate something you are not, and all the time, not just with certain individuals, and being forced into things, and all of them being unnatural to you....Being forced to it, just because the way you are it is wrong...It is really depressing. So, that is why I thought of the identity loss, because of not being allowed to be yourself, nor have your own likes and dislikes, nor nothing.....



dianthus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,138

11 Mar 2015, 5:09 pm

The biggest problem I have with mind-blindness, is I automatically expect other people to have the same intelligence level that I have. When I was in the first grade, I remember looking around the classroom and really noticing for the first time that other kids were "slow" and didn't catch on to things as quickly as I did. When the teacher asked a question, other kids would put their hands up like they knew the answer, but they would give the wrong answer! This just amazed me and didn't make any sense at all. I thought this couldn't possibly be for real. I asked my teacher why they were pretending not to know the answer. I literally thought they were faking it. Deep down I still feel this way, any time I talk to someone who doesn't know about something that I know, or doesn't understand what I'm talking about. I feel like they are doing it on purpose just to annoy me.



Rocket123
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2012
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,203
Location: Lost in Space

11 Mar 2015, 9:48 pm

ImAnAspie wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I act differently depending on who I'm with though.


But is it something you do consciously or does it just happen?

I act differently, mostly depending upon the environment. As an example, I act entirely different at work than at home. For me, this is definitely conscious. I am curious what the significance of that (being conscious or having it just happen) is.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,007
Location: Pacific Northwest

12 Mar 2015, 12:28 am

QuiversWhiskers wrote:
One time in late elementary or early middle school, I didn't take care of a gift someone gave me for my birthday and it got ruined in the vacuum. I felt so guilty about it that I confessed to the person who gave me the gift that it had been ruined. I wanted to make it right so I confessed and she was hurt and upset and told me I shouldn't have told her that. I felt like crap. I thought I needed to confess to make it right and that it would be lying if I didn't tell her about it because she'd go on assuming that the gift was still "living" if you will. I figured it would come out eventually anyway if she noticed I was no longer wearing it. The weird part is that logically I knew she didn't know, but at the same time couldn't believe she didn't know already. It was very confusing for me. And my thoughts and feelings about it were so contradictory. I thought she'd like to know about the mishap so that she could tell me it was okay because she'd want to comfort me, but as it turned out that was definitely not the case.


I got my friend a clay made necklace once in the 3rd grade for her birthday and she liked it and wore it and one day she told it broke. I wasn't upset, I just thought "Oh" and said nothing about it and went back to my school work. I wonder what was her purpose of telling me this, was I supposed to say something or comfort her or reassure her or did she tell me it to be mean? The friend was NT.


_________________
I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,007
Location: Pacific Northwest

12 Mar 2015, 12:42 am

Sherry221B wrote:
There is something else I find confusing: talking badly about someone when they are not present, but when that someone is in front of them, they act as if they geuinely liked that certain individual. However that only lasts as long as they are present. I do not understand why they do this... It has reminded me too of a bad movie when the main character went to party and broke everything around her while yelling her frustrations concerning her best friend, and, her friend yelled back why she cannot say those things with others at her home when she is not around like normal people do.

So, I asked about this because I am not sure if I got this right. Is this changing related mainly to wicked individuals? I mean, I have experienced an exaggerated mistreatment, but when said individuals are with others, the way they act completely changes. With strangers or simply those who do not really know them, they even act as quite merry, and "good", a total different attitude, but not always. As soon as they are gone, they would come to their real self again. There are variations presented in these bizarre patterns.


Quote:
People wear masks. They act differently in different situations depending on the company they're in. They change themselves to suit the company they're in.

I've never done that. I'm always the same old boring me no matter where I am or the company I'm in. Perhaps that's why I'm a social flop!

I thought other people were the same wherever they go. They're not.

I've lived a very sheltered, naive life.


I was going to post this, but I have just read this part. This is also strange. This reminds me of the tale of a character that changes the way they act depending with what individual they are dealing with, but in order to manipulate them. So....Is everybody who does this "bad"? Because in my experience those who do or did this are. It has taken me lot of years to realise about these kind of things, though....

Is there any purpose about acting in a different way? I can only think of hiding how they are really like, or to impress others.



When I was a kid, kids would wait until there was no adult around before they started doing mischievous things, things they wouldn't be able to get away with with a grown up around such as authority figure. This here is normal kid behavior and it's called testing to see what they can get away with. Also when I was in 6th grade, we had a student teacher and lot of us didn't like her because she always lost our school work and marked them as missing assignments so we all would have to do them over again. That pissed lot of us off so lot of the kids in my class and math class would act up and make funny faces at her when she would turn her back while teaching. She would turn around and kids would act like they were doing nothing wrong and then go back to tossing stuff and doing spitballs and making funny faces when she would turn back to the whiteboard.

It also wasn't uncommon for some kids to start being mean when their parent would turn their back on them because they weren't there to stop them and I noticed this one boy who was always mean to me was nice to me one day because his parents were around and he simply didn't want to get into trouble if they knew.


When I was a kid I would act different too at places because I was aware of the rules. I was aware my school had rules that were different than I had at home so at school I didn't do things I could do at home I wasn't allowed to do in school. When I was seven I discovered I was allowed to scream in school so I always did but at home I didn't. Then one time I decided to start doing it a home and my mom put a stop to it and I apologized and said it was school behavior. My mom sure learned I was in the wrong teaching environment and I needed to be in mainstream where I could be with normal kids and learn appropriate behavior. When I was eight, I would go to school and use words I wasn't allowed to use at home because I was that literal. I didn't know, my mom's rules applied everywhere. I would go to school and do school rules and school behavior and go home and do home behavior and follow my mom's rules. I didn't even know NTs did this too until I was an adult but for them it might be for a different reason while for me I was just being literal and it was about rule following. I copied behaviors which is what all kids do but for me it was an issue because I didn't understand what I was doing and my mom always had to figure out what caused my behavior because most of the time it was learned behavior. I was a copycat.


_________________
I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,007
Location: Pacific Northwest

12 Mar 2015, 12:54 am

One thing that baffles me is it seems like NTs are nor lacking TOM when they hire people because how you live your personal life reflects their opinion of you and influences their decision to have you work for them or not. My mom told me lot of people are not very smart because they think how you act home is how you will act at work and I said to her "That's stupid, don't they know of work behavior and home behavior?" and she said "I guess not."

I think back when I was a kid how I had to act different in school eg. do not say pee or potty I can only say bathroom, no twisting on the swings, no throwing snowballs, no candles on cakes when it's someone's birthday, no whining while at home I could do all these things and not have a consequence or get scolded. I can remember my teacher started to ask us in class "do you do this at home?" and I wonder if it was because of my my mom told her on the phone about me coming home screaming and telling her it was school behavior and my mom then said I think that is acceptable behavior and I don't do this at home.

I think it's human nature to act different depending on the situation. It's not uncommon for special needs kids to mimic each other which is why parents want their kids in mainstream than in special ed all the time. Even normal kids mimic each other which is called peer pressure.


_________________
I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


starkid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,936
Location: California

12 Mar 2015, 12:58 am

League_Girl wrote:
When I was a kid, kids would wait until there was no adult around before they started doing mischievous things, things they wouldn't be able to get away with with a grown up around such as authority figure. This here is normal kid behavior and it's called testing to see what they can get away with.


League_Girl wrote:
Even normal kids mimic each other which is called peer pressure.


You must live in a strange place because that's not what we call testing and peer pressure.


_________________
Assume nothing, question everything.
DX Central Auditory Processing Deficit


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,007
Location: Pacific Northwest

12 Mar 2015, 1:09 am

I wonder if these are TOM issues. I have expected people to react the same way as me and then be surprised at their reaction and not understand why they don't like it. My mom has told me before I don't need to understand it, I just need to accept it.

When I was a child I couldn't grasp how my best friend didn't like Polly Pockets or books or movies I liked. I just assumed she was joking or teasing me. When I was seven, one of my second cousins said she didn't like cake and she only liked cheesecake, I thought she was crazy. I liked cake so how could she resist something good? She was crazy for doing this to herself. Like my mom says, I don't need to understand, I just need to accept not everyone likes the same things I like and respect that.

I remember being in 6th grade and I went to another 6th grade classroom to see something the students were putting on in class. They each dressed up as a famous person and pretended to be that famous character and they talked about their lives. One of them was Dr. Seuess and the other was Princess Diana and she said she died in 1996 and I got confused so I said to my aide I thought it was 1997 and she told me it is 1997 and she just made a mistake. I remember I couldn't stop dwelling on the mistake so after the show ended, I told her she made a mistake and told her the correct year and she started gasping and making a huge deal about it. I said 'That's okay, everyone makes mistakes and you're not perfect." I realize now i should have kept my mouth shut. I thought she would be happy I told her the correct year and now I realize that's not logical to tell her because she has already done the mistake so no point in telling her because what would that change, there is no DeLoreon.

Up until my early twenties, I thought if I corrected people and gave people information about stuff they were judgmental and ignorant about, they would change their minds and be more open and positive and understanding because I change my views all the time and perspectives when I read personal stories or do research. I didn't realize some people are just willfully ignorant and they don't care if they are wrong or not. I sure learned that lesson from my last ex.


_________________
I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,007
Location: Pacific Northwest

12 Mar 2015, 1:11 am

starkid wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
When I was a kid, kids would wait until there was no adult around before they started doing mischievous things, things they wouldn't be able to get away with with a grown up around such as authority figure. This here is normal kid behavior and it's called testing to see what they can get away with.


League_Girl wrote:
Even normal kids mimic each other which is called peer pressure.


You must live in a strange place because that's not what we call testing and peer pressure.



My mom told me that as a child and my therapist told me in high school that kids will copy each others behavior and pick up on each other and he called it peer pressure. I was confused in elementary school about how to act because kids didn't always follow the rules so my mom tried to explain to me about how kids will test their limits so they will wait when there is no grown up around and do it and they go "Oh wow we didn't get in trouble. Cool." "Oh there is no duty lady here, let's do this and see if we can get away with it. Oh we did, cool."


_________________
I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


starkid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,936
Location: California

12 Mar 2015, 1:17 am

League_Girl wrote:
My mom told me that as a child and my therapist told me in high school that kids will copy each others behavior and pick up on each other and he called it peer pressure.

Peer pressure is when one or more kids try to convince other kids to do something. If a kid decides to copy another without feeling forced, there's no peer pressure involved. Maybe your counselor just assumed that the reason the kids were copying each other was peer pressure, but that isn't the only reason kids copy each other.


_________________
Assume nothing, question everything.
DX Central Auditory Processing Deficit


btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,458
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

12 Mar 2015, 1:34 am

I think peer pressure is like League Girl describes, more of an implicit copying and conforming to a norm that is determined by most of the people behaving similarly. It is not only someone purposefully trying to convince others to do certain things.


_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!


starkid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,936
Location: California

12 Mar 2015, 1:39 am

btbnnyr wrote:
I think peer pressure is like League Girl describes, more of an implicit copying and conforming to a norm that is determined by most of the people behaving similarly. It is not only someone purposefully trying to convince others to do certain things.


Norms don't even exist unless people expect them to be followed. Expecting people to conform can be explicit or implicit, but if there's no push from other people to do something, then there's no peer pressure. There has to be some kind of social "pressure," otherwise the term doesn't even make sense. What's pressuring about people just copying others because they want to?


_________________
Assume nothing, question everything.
DX Central Auditory Processing Deficit


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,007
Location: Pacific Northwest

12 Mar 2015, 1:53 am

starkid wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
I think peer pressure is like League Girl describes, more of an implicit copying and conforming to a norm that is determined by most of the people behaving similarly. It is not only someone purposefully trying to convince others to do certain things.


Norms don't even exist unless people expect them to be followed. Expecting people to conform can be explicit or implicit, but if there's no push from other people to do something, then there's no peer pressure. There has to be some kind of social "pressure," otherwise the term doesn't even make sense. What's pressuring about people just copying others because they want to?



Maybe they do it because they feel if they don't they will be judged and not liked by other kids. Like kids might not stand up for a victim who is being bullied because they don't want to be bullied so they ignore it and turn their backs. I also read kids bully because they feel if they don't, they will get bullied and I have also read online that sometimes kids might not be friends with someone because they don't want to get picked on for it so that is one of the reasons why we tend to be outcasts. I find this all sad than feeling all judgmental. Being a bullied victim myself and an outcast, being more of a target and more of an outcast would be the last thing I need so I can't help but find this all sad an I find it harsh to say kids are just as bad at the bully for not standing up for the victim. People might call this peer pressure, some might call it copying. I would say I felt some peer pressure as a kid but rest the of the time I just copied without feeling any pressure because I was trying to be like everyone else and I thought it was how I was supposed to act and it was all okay behavior because I saw others do it. I also thought if kids saw I was being like them, they would think I was just as good as them and stop thinking of me as stupid and I would be liked more and have more friends and not be weird anymore. My mom calls this all being literal and some might call it peer pressure or being badly influenced.


_________________
I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


starkid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,936
Location: California

12 Mar 2015, 1:57 am

League_Girl wrote:
Maybe they do it because they feel if they don't they will be judged and not liked by other kids.


Yes, that's peer pressure too...IF the other kids will actually be judging them. If it's just baseless anxiety over what other people think and other kids don't even care, there's no peer pressure involved.


_________________
Assume nothing, question everything.
DX Central Auditory Processing Deficit