All Aspies: Resort to lying if all looks hopeless

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

Lifeistoohard
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2015
Posts: 41

18 Mar 2015, 8:56 pm

Yes, we heard this many times: "Autistic people can't lie" or "I have Asperger's and I always tell the truth." There are times in life where you need to save your face and find a way out of disaster.

An example is when you're with a girl who asks if you're a virgin. You say "no" and appear confident so she'd expect you to have been experienced.

Or when an employer asks about extracurricular activities in college, make some up and talk in a way that a leader would. Lie on your resume. If you're an Aspie and very few clubs interest you, this might be a situation you'll encounter, so be ready.

I'm really frustrated writing this. I just had a bad phone conversation with a friend and I talked so much that he had to repeat the question twice: "how are you doing in school", that after 30 sec, he told me "Alright I'm having dinner with my family" and when I said "Ok goodb.." He hanged up so quickly. I have to use deception when I try making new friends so I don't come off as a loser.

Life has very high standards for those on the spectrum, and you can't appear innocent all the time, or else people will easily exploit your weaknesses so they can avoid/use/reject you.



charcoalsketches
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 202
Location: Boston

18 Mar 2015, 9:15 pm

Coming to that fact is sad. Personally, my philosophy on lying is to only use it as a means to buy time till you can tell a closer truth. I don't like doing it, but it indeed feels more like a last resort or a back pocket idea than anything. Sometimes, we have to shrug off what our mama taught us.


_________________
I'm not strange. I'm just drawn that way. That being said, work on your drawing skills already!


Protogenoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 817

18 Mar 2015, 10:03 pm

Lifeistoohard wrote:
Yes, we heard this many times: "Autistic people can't lie" or "I have Asperger's and I always tell the truth." There are times in life where you need to save your face and find a way out of disaster.

An example is when you're with a girl who asks if you're a virgin. You say "no" and appear confident so she'd expect you to have been experienced.

Or when an employer asks about extracurricular activities in college, make some up and talk in a way that a leader would. Lie on your resume. If you're an Aspie and very few clubs interest you, this might be a situation you'll encounter, so be ready.

I'm really frustrated writing this. I just had a bad phone conversation with a friend and I talked so much that he had to repeat the question twice: "how are you doing in school", that after 30 sec, he told me "Alright I'm having dinner with my family" and when I said "Ok goodb.." He hanged up so quickly. I have to use deception when I try making new friends so I don't come off as a loser.

Life has very high standards for those on the spectrum, and you can't appear innocent all the time, or else people will easily exploit your weaknesses so they can avoid/use/reject you.


Lying on a resume can get you a job... I read somewhere that some sports coach had been found to have lied on his resume about all his credentials.
But a lie like that can have some serious fallout... you could be blacklisted.


_________________
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem. I've known it from the start all these good ideas will tear your brain apart. Scared, but you can follow me. I'm too weird to live but much too rare to die. - a7x


Sherry221B
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2013
Age: 122
Gender: Female
Posts: 670
Location: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

19 Mar 2015, 3:15 am

Quote:
and you can't appear innocent all the time, or else people will easily exploit your weaknesses so they can avoid/use/reject you.


This is very much true. I cannot deny it, unfortunately. That is how people are....But, you know what? No matter how many enemies I can have, no matter how many wicked people who want to do those can of things to me, I will be honest. I cannot change other´s bad behaviours, but I can change myself to improve not to go worse. Staying true to the way I am, and honest, that is my aspie way. :ninja: Besides, I am learning how to avoid those kind of wrong individuals.



ElsaFlowers
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2014
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
Location: Manchester UK

19 Mar 2015, 3:32 am

Question for those who don't lie - how do you get a job without lying on your CV? I've had over 50 jobs in my life I've read that it's common for Aspies to have had a lot of jobs. I've also walked out of many jobs due to anxiety issues. I cannot tell the truth about my jobs or my reasons for leaving or I'd never get another job. I agree with the OP that there are some situations where lying is the only option.



izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

19 Mar 2015, 5:28 am

lying has a big word. on resume's, it is often called "beautifying", where you show things from the most positive side, without actually lying.
for example, you can say you were a member of the sports club board in college, but leave out that you were simply distributing coffee (which is stretching far, but not lying).
i myself have placed several certificates (which i do really have), without mentioning that i took more than twice the normal time to achieve them, or didn't even technically had yet (but was confident i would have in a few weeks from writing).

i myself try to abide by non-disclosure on most things, simply not mentioning details.

fictionals:
"i got fired becouse my boss didn't like me" (becouse i hit him in the face out of anger)
"i got my drivers' liscence at 21" (since it took me several attempts)

neither of the quotes are lies, but leaving out the part in brackets makes them less negative, noone needs to know the bracketed parts, not at first anyway



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,136

19 Mar 2015, 12:27 pm

Lifeistoohard wrote:
Yes, we heard this many times: "Autistic people can't lie" or "I have Asperger's and I always tell the truth." There are times in life where you need to save your face and find a way out of disaster.

An example is when you're with a girl who asks if you're a virgin. You say "no" and appear confident so she'd expect you to have been experienced.

Or when an employer asks about extracurricular activities in college, make some up and talk in a way that a leader would. Lie on your resume. If you're an Aspie and very few clubs interest you, this might be a situation you'll encounter, so be ready.

I'm really frustrated writing this. I just had a bad phone conversation with a friend and I talked so much that he had to repeat the question twice: "how are you doing in school", that after 30 sec, he told me "Alright I'm having dinner with my family" and when I said "Ok goodb.." He hanged up so quickly. I have to use deception when I try making new friends so I don't come off as a loser.

Life has very high standards for those on the spectrum, and you can't appear innocent all the time, or else people will easily exploit your weaknesses so they can avoid/use/reject you.


Oh I can relate to this one since I am a female aspie and I have tried to lie to get out of things which never works.

I will give one situation: About one decade ago I lived with two roommates who were 6 and 8 years older than I was. They were also NTS who realized that I wasn't picking up things very well. The younger of the two had very low tolerance and lack of understanding. So I got bullied by her.

One time I did something impulsive when some workers were required by the landlord asked them to paint the house when I opened a window too quickly and the AC unit fell out. I was so scared of being yelled at again by roommate next to her lying to me all the time that I decided to have a little revenge. I said the painters caused the accident. :lol: :oops:

She caught it on it though and threatened to kick me out.



downbutnotout
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 656
Location: MN, US

19 Mar 2015, 12:44 pm

Not unless I'll starve if I don't. I'd rather become stronger than deceive and derail others.



anomie
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 201

19 Mar 2015, 12:54 pm

I always felt I had to lie to get jobs. It was painful but I did it. Now I have my own business and I tell the truth to my clients. If they don't want what I can genuinely offer, then allowing them to hire me would only end in tears (literally! I cry a lot)

Lying to a sexual partner saying you're not a virgin is just silly. If they are a virgin themselves then they will be happy to have your first times together. And if they're not, do you really think they won't notice that you are ????



will@rd
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 709

19 Mar 2015, 1:16 pm

izzeme wrote:
it is often called "beautifying", where you show things from the most positive side, without actually lying.


Similar to "Selective Disclosure," meaning you tell only as much as you need to, in order to get your intended meaning across. That's just a wise bit of self protection. Its rather foolish to tell people everything, like a babbling idiot, because you're only giving them ammunition to use against you - and they will.

I absolutely despise liars. I was once married (it was an accident) to a sociopath who couldn't tell the frank truth to save her life. She was the very embodiment of that old joke about politicians: "You can tell when they're lying - their lips move." Her only use for the truth was to sprinkle bits of it among the lies, to make the lies seem more plausible. :roll:

I would never allow myself to stoop to that, I find it morally abhorrent. I won't tell people more than I think they need to know (after some of the experiences I've had, I'm paranoid like that), but I will not fabricate and mislead with deceptive fiction. My parents raised me better than that.

Besides, I'd never be able to remember all the details I'd made up last time.


_________________
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks


Rocket123
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2012
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,188
Location: Lost in Space

19 Mar 2015, 9:41 pm

Lifeistoohard wrote:
Yes, we heard this many times: "Autistic people can't lie" or "I have Asperger's and I always tell the truth." There are times in life where you need to save your face and find a way out of disaster.

I am a terrible liar. With that being said, I have knowingly withheld the truth in my past. I will give some examples.

Lifeistoohard wrote:
...An example is when you're with a girl who asks if you're a virgin. You say "no" and appear confident so she'd expect you to have been experienced...

This is one area where I withheld the truth. I didn't withhold the truth to "appear experienced". Rather, I was simply embarrassed by the truth. Several years later, that girl became my wife.

Lifeistoohard wrote:
...Lie on your resume...

At one point in my career, I had 13 jobs in a 20 year period. Some of those jobs I had for a very short period of time. I decided a while back to simply omit those positions I held less < 6 months. Instead, I just show a gap on my resume. Looking back, it’s definitely dishonest, as there is a definitive pattern of “instability”. Then again, I would probably have an even more difficult time finding a job if I exposed this near-constant job hopping (from one “hell hole” to another).