About to break-up again?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone!

First of all, I'd like to say I'm 19, not 45, haha, I don't know why my profile keeps telling me I'm 45...

Okay, so here's my story.

About a year and a half ago, I met this boy and we got off immediately. We had a connection. We could talk for hours without getting bored of each other and we fell in love fairly easy. I had come out of a relationship that had died because we just didn't fit together, and this boy did everything for me which my ex couldn't give me (he would text me a lot, show affection, make me smile etc.). It didn't take us long to start a relationship... I quickly noticed something was off though. He told me he has Aspergers, which explained a lot. I started looking it up and learning about it and we managed well for quite a few months. Sure, we had our differences and I didn't always understand him, but we managed, and for most of the time, I was happy.

In February we went on a holiday with our Student union... Things got really out of hand there. Some things were said that shouldn't have been said and he was really mad at me. He pretty much ignored me for a few days which was really, really hard... You have to imagine being together 24/7 with a person you love, whilst he's pretty angry at you (having fun with other people but completely ignoring you or the fact that you walk around teary eyed constantly). When we got back home, we talked and we both decided to break it off. It was hard because it was clear that we both still loved each other very much... We were just too different, and we wanted different things. I am a person who is in serious need of affection, a sort of affection he has trouble giving me (I need text messages saying that he still loves me and he barely every sends those now... which is confusing for me because he used to tell me this a lot when we first started our relationship). And he needed more freedom. It was kind of funny because we both sat there crying, both unhappy, not wanting to let go but knowing it was for the best.

We share the same best friend so that same evening, I called her and told her how I missed him. Funny enough, 5 minutes later, he did the same thing. The next day I got a message from him saying that he wanted to talk again and give it another try. He said he had had the worst night ever and that he wanted to try to change, if I was willing to do the same. We talked the next day, tried to find some compromises and gave it another try.

Now we're almost two months further and for about a month, everything went perfectly. The last few weeks he's just been really busy and I don't get to see him as often... He also stopped sending nice words via text (which is important for me, as I don't see him that often anymore... It's the only way of communicating with each other). We had made compromises: he would try to give me more affection and I would not react jealous when we went out together. I have never shown any jealousy, so you need to know, I really, really tried my best to fix this (I'm jealous by nature but I've learned to cool it down) Yesterday he told me he needed time alone because he has doubts about our relationship... Honestly, I should have seen that coming, but I am clueless right now. I seriously do not know what to do or think. I don't want to go through the whole thing that went down in Malta again (not speaking to each other for days and not knowing what's going to happen)...

I guess I'm just asking for some advice and an aspie point of view. I want to give him his time but on the other hand I really need to talk to him... We are in need of a serious conversation. I have also thought about breaking it off myself... I don't want to do that but it seems like it would be for the best? But that would be like breaking my own heart and I don't know if I'm capable of that.

My boyfriend and I are a great team together when we are together in real life, it's only when there's other people around or when we're apart that the troubles start. Do you guys have any advice on how to handle this? Or tell me what he might be thinking? I feel stupid for asking, but he doesn't talk to me right now so I feel kind of lost.

Thank you!