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SimonandGarfunkel
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03 Apr 2015, 5:43 pm

So.

At my school, there's this one girl in my homeroom who I'm very obsessed with.
She's very intelligent and pretty, and we have a lot in common. We're both kind of nerdy and slightly socially awkward, which makes having a conversation with her very easy.
I used to have lunch with her with a group of other kids until she started sitting with some sophomores for some unknown reason.
I've had this crush on her since about late October of 2014, about two months after I started high school.
She's really all I ever think about. I think about different topics for conversation and various things I could do to impress her.
My parents won't let me date yet, so that's out.
She doesn't know I have a crush on her, but she enjoys my company a lot, and we have long conversations with each other.
Does anyone have any advice? This has caused me a lot of grief for the past six months or so.



Sum
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03 Apr 2015, 6:39 pm

"My parents won't let me date yet, so that's out"

"We have long conversations with each other"

Well you appear to be in a pretty easy situation. So let me ask you this. If dating is off the table and you already enjoy each other's company on a fairly often basis what more could you want? If your desire is to hang out with her outside of school, you do not have to be in a dating relationship to do that. Heck if you need an excuse have a group go and eat a meal, or go to the park, or what ever and invite her. In Fact, it will most likely give you a launching pad for when your parents allow you to date and you decide to ask her out. Surprisingly, relationships are only as good as the constant energy you put into them. The biggest issue you will have is it would appear from your post you need someone to drive you places at the moment. Anyway best of luck.

In the sound of silence - sorry could not resist



will@rd
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03 Apr 2015, 6:45 pm

Sum wrote:
if you need an excuse have a group go and eat a meal, or go to the park, or what ever and invite her.



:lol: A group of whom? Are you assuming that an autistic person knows an entire group of people well enough to organize a social outing?


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SimonandGarfunkel
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03 Apr 2015, 6:54 pm

Sum: Well, my parents think that I think about this girl way too much, and keep reminding me that ¨she's just a friend¨ and that ¨she's nothing to you¨ and that my only job in school is to do schoolwork and make friends.
I've been on an outing with a friend before (to our local car show), but that friend was male. I've never been out with a crown of multiple people since I had my birthday party in the 2nd grade.
Plus, this girl has a somewhat busy schedule, as she has piano practice, dance lessons, and Girl Scouts. And I don't know how her parents feel about relationships.

will@rd: I do have a lot of friends (more than I used to), but the idea of just a bunch of teenagers roaming around on an outing (even if supervised) terrifies me. It helps that the school which I attend is a nerd school, and everyone basically knows each other. And socialization is still awkward a lot.



Sum
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03 Apr 2015, 6:58 pm

Yes, for two reasons.

1. "I used to have lunch with her with a group of other kids"

2. Though I am extremely inverted and socially inept, I've still managed to at least get groups that I can count on and have organized events with them.

I don't much like people using our disability as an excuse. I was diagnosed when I was eight with aspergers, after a cocktail of other diagnosis. Suffice to say, I have had an up hill battle my entire life. Non the less, I like to think that we're capable of anything a Neuro-typical is plus some. Does that mean sometimes we have to apply ourselves to the nth degree compared to a Neuro-typical. Yes, but who said life was going to be easy



Sum
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03 Apr 2015, 7:13 pm

Well You did say "She's really all I ever think about" So your parents may be right that you think about her way to much by your own admission. By addition, you parents did say your job in school ways to "do your school work and make friends" it sounds like you may have started slacking in regards to your academic duties. Are you doing all your homework? Anyway, They also said that your job is to make friends which is all I'm suggesting. Plus actually hanging out with her outside of school may enable you to focus more on your school work.



SimonandGarfunkel
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03 Apr 2015, 7:28 pm

Sum: I actually do get my school- and homework done. I have a special study period on Tuesdays and Fridays with some other kids, so I get to finish some work in there. I also get an extension on schoolwork on Mondays because that is the day when I see my therapist. Plus, I'm actually more productive than some of my friends without crushes that I know of.

I know that socializing outside of school would be a good idea, but, if I'm just with the one girl, it can seem like a date. I tried to do a video call on Google Hangouts with her one day, and she said she couldn't do it because her parents were home. Plus, her summer schedule is somewhat jam-packed, since she has Girl Scout camp. After that, it's off to Prague for six weeks (it's for her mom's job-she's a professor at a local university).

Thanks for the support. And I don't mind the Simon and Garfunkel reference.



MollyTroubletail
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03 Apr 2015, 7:37 pm

Please clarify:

Are you asking for help to not constantly obsess about her, because she is all you ever think about since October, and you want to have other interests again?

Or are you asking for help getting your parents to change their minds and allow you to date?

It sounds like you already have her as a friend and she likes you, so you seem to have that part down pat. What else besides long conversations are you hoping for now?



SimonandGarfunkel
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03 Apr 2015, 7:54 pm

MollyTroubletail:

I really don't know.
I already have lots of other interests-especially history.
I really can't figure out if she likes me as a crush or likes me as just a friend. As I've said, we have very long, in-jokey conversations, and we're just about intellectual equals (I'm better at geography, she's better at physics).
The prospect of dating actually terrifies me somewhat...all of that kissing and contact and all. And she doesn't seem like the kind of girl who likes to ¨fantasize¨, as it were, about who likes her and who doesn't.
I really just want her to know what my feelings are. It's been hard keeping them inside for all these months, and I've had meltdowns due to my feelings, as well.
I think I'm just hoping for a relationship where I feel more open about expressing my feelings to her, where I could hold her hand, and where we could do things out together, with parental supervision, of course. I often wonder if we could go out to our local art museum, as she lives in the neighborhood right by it. But it's very hard for me to express my feelings like this.



MollyTroubletail
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03 Apr 2015, 8:39 pm

Maybe you could write her an in-jokey note/text asking if she'd like to go to a museum with you, which is actually educational enough that your parents might allow you to do it. If you feel sneaky and underhanded, you can even invite her before asking your parents if it's ok with them. Then if she says yes, you can tell your parents you already asked her and they would feel like letting you go because they won't want to spoil your "innocent social plans" that don't sound like an obvious date.

But it sounds like you have a year or more to go yet before your parents will agree to you holding hands, kissing, that kind of other stuff. A good friendship is more important than a romantic relationship at this young age because unfortunately almost 100% of romantic relationships will break up when you start them in your early/mid teens. But a good friendship can last forever and possibly turn into a romantic relationship later on when it can last.



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04 Apr 2015, 3:47 am

If you can't go out with her then invite her to study with you at home or somewhere nearby because my parents are extremely strict and I'm not supposed to go out to so many places or be too social with different type of people so I do that, I go to my friends house when there's a group homework or they come to mine, I did hang out with some of them, it was to nearby places only



Scaevitas
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04 Apr 2015, 4:52 am

SimonandGarfunkel wrote:
So.

At my school, there's this one girl in my homeroom who I'm very obsessed with.
She's very intelligent and pretty, and we have a lot in common. We're both kind of nerdy and slightly socially awkward, which makes having a conversation with her very easy.
I used to have lunch with her with a group of other kids until she started sitting with some sophomores for some unknown reason.
I've had this crush on her since about late October of 2014, about two months after I started high school.
She's really all I ever think about. I think about different topics for conversation and various things I could do to impress her.
My parents won't let me date yet, so that's out.
She doesn't know I have a crush on her, but she enjoys my company a lot, and we have long conversations with each other.
Does anyone have any advice? This has caused me a lot of grief for the past six months or so.


Fhritp.



SimonandGarfunkel
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04 Apr 2015, 5:47 am

Zajie: I would do that, but that's a) one of the very oldest tricks in the book and b) I really don't need help with my schoolwork. The only place I need help in is math, and, even though she's good at math, my dad is as well and can always help me on that. Plus, there's some lunchtime work periods in our school's math classrooms.

MollyTroubletail: They've heard about my crush for quite some time and are kind of getting tired of it, and I'm not good enough at lying to try and be sneaky.
As for my friends dating...it has actually depended this year. Two of my friends who I used to sit with started dating in mid-October of last year, and they're actually quite the close and tender couple. They're always together and I've heard that the boy in the relationship is somewhat lonely without the girl.
But some of the other boys have already tried out dating and have had trouble doing them. And there are also two girls who have out-of-school boyfriends who really like it. So it's really a mixed bag at my school.



JoeDaBro
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15 Apr 2015, 12:05 pm

SimonandGarfunkel wrote:
So.

At my school, there's this one girl in my homeroom who I'm very obsessed with.
She's very intelligent and pretty, and we have a lot in common. We're both kind of nerdy and slightly socially awkward, which makes having a conversation with her very easy.
I used to have lunch with her with a group of other kids until she started sitting with some sophomores for some unknown reason.
I've had this crush on her since about late October of 2014, about two months after I started high school.
She's really all I ever think about. I think about different topics for conversation and various things I could do to impress her.
My parents won't let me date yet, so that's out.
She doesn't know I have a crush on her, but she enjoys my company a lot, and we have long conversations with each other.
Does anyone have any advice? This has caused me a lot of grief for the past six months or so.

If your life is like that, it means you are living in a movie and have somehow contacted the real world. I do not know how to get you and your crush into reality, so you're on your own with that. If you believe you have found a portal to the real world, PM me.