Are people with Aspergers more critical of their parents?

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CharityGoodyGrace
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08 Sep 2017, 4:16 am

Who cares if it's caused by Asperger's? It just is what it is... seeing people's true colors whether they're related to you or not. It's not like you hate them, and if you did it would pass. I definitely for one am not brainwashed any more by the "they're your parents so they're perfect" lie. Yes, they gave me life, and I'm grateful, but I'm NOT grateful for them regretting giving me life.



b9
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08 Sep 2017, 5:01 am

although i am adopted, and was more academically interested than my parents, i consider them both to be superior to me.
____________
mother;

we had a huge house with many rooms, and all of them were spotless.
the kitchen was extremely well organized, and when she had completed her house cleaning and optimization (that is putting every thing in it's place), then she worked in the yards.

she was busy and enthusiastic from morning until night.

i am not like that. i wish i had that character in me.

__________
father;

built an empire from nothing.
he went to WW2 twice (once in the middle east, and again in the pacific (kokoda trail)) and endured much more than i could ever have endured.
then he got back from the war and met my mother and started off in a one bedroom bedsit with her and wheeled his tools to work (as a building apprentice) in a wheel barrow because he did not have enough money yet for a car.
anyway, he scrimped and saved and became a master builder licensed to build up to 25 storey buildings over the years. during that time he also was having children with mum.
they moved into a house which he built after buying the land and the materials.
he had more children and got wealthy and then built a mansion eventually (leaving out mush of the progress for sake of brevity).
they moved there and then he bought some more land and started building a block of flats (condo's in US?).

he worked hard and when it was completed, they adopted me, and the rent from the flats (12 of them in the initial block) as well as the income from the new houses dad was building and selling on other land he bought, put my sisters through very expensive education.
he kept expanding and working and became very rich.

i do not have that ambition or drive. i wish that was in my character as well.



Tawaki
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09 Sep 2017, 7:48 am

My husband is extremely critical of his parents, especially is ASD mom. He would b***h about all her Aspie-ish short comings, never noticing he does the same thing.

Sometimes a person's best try is only a C or D grade. It doesn't mean they phoned it in, but the best they could do with the brains, skills and what was available tops out at average or below average on their best day.

Both my parents were really flawed humans, had load of issues, and probably shouldn't have had kids. Their best effort parenting is a C. All the baggage and BS they dragged about, a C level effort was max for them.

My ASD MIL parenting a very hard to live with ASD kid, with no help or clue during the 1960s, probably wasn't going to be unicorns and cotton candy. I told my husband, "Did you ever consider that was maybe all the game your mom had? You wanted more, but she was tapped out at maximum capacity?"

He never thought of it that way.



dragonsanddemons
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09 Sep 2017, 1:11 pm

I don't believe I'm overly critical of my parents. I notice their flaws, sure, but I think that's just because I'm around them all the time, so I know them super well. I also notice good things about both of them, and by this point, at least, I think I understand the reasoning behind some behaviors - for example, my dad's tendency to blame me for everything and accuse me of just not trying hard enough. He has some mild autistic traits himself, so he probably thinks "Well, I struggle with this, too, and if I try hard enough, I can do it, so it must be the same for her." And my mom is often very irritable toward me because of menopause-related hormone changes. Doesn't make it hurt any less when my mom grumps at me or my dad yells at me for something that wasn't my fault, but I don't hate them for it or anything. And goodness knows I have plenty of flaws myself - who am I to judge?


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BuyerBeware
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13 Sep 2017, 7:20 am

I know I was very critical of my parents (and grandparents and "extra parents") when I was younger. I don't know if it was an AS thing, or a teenage/early 20s thing, or a depression and self-hate thing (constantly monitoring my own behavior for "good enough" led to constantly criticizing everyone else too).

I know it changed quite a bit once I got out in the world, had kids of my own (though I still find myself frequently analyzing their choices, mining for examples of how to handle parenting, or how NOT to), and encountered some REAL crazy-bad parenting.


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Scholion
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11 Apr 2023, 2:48 am

I think people on the spectrum are more clinical and less emotional in their views especially with family members. My son doesn’t even like the word ‘love’ being mentioned and never allows me to tell him I love him. I also feel there is a tendency for ASD people to develop a superiority complex because they think so much cerebrally but lack the emotional intelligence to read perceive the world more holistically and compassionately. My son has recently rejected myself and his father and it is devastating when we have done everything to support him an have not; as given in other examples here said or done anything toxic. I also wonder if my son has some concurrent personality disorder as yet undiagnosed. He does not respect us, love us or want to connect with us, I managed to make him smile the other day and he accused me of being ‘manipulative’. I just feel incredibly sad about the whole thing and have put up with a lot of verbal threats and abuse from my son, who I still love. So to answer the question, I think ASD individuals are more critical of parents because they don’t have the full emotional and social tool kit to complete the picture.