Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend?

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Have you ever had a NT friend and you think they're your friend (maybe even best friend) but then you find out they've gone behind your back and befriended someone (also NT) who you've confided to them abused you really badly? Like, made dates to go out with that person and deliberately left you out? This just happened to me today. The person who told me about it was very trustworthy and she was shocked I didn't know. Am I overreacting by feeling so betrayed? Sometimes I don't know if what I'm feeling is just the usual typical AS getting-it-all-wrong emotions or if it's real, bona fide hurt that deserves to be acknowledged.

This has happened before a few times and each time I felt I was overreacting. But now I find I can't concentrate on anything else because of the sick feeling inside. I would never go behind my friend's back and make a date to meet or go camping with someone who's repeatedly hurt and abused them, let alone do it and deliberately leave my friend out of it. I would feel I was deceiving them.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I think it's natural that you feel in that way. Anyone would feel hurt if that happened to them. Although you can't stop your friend from becoming friends with your enemy, that action tells you something about that person. He/She is not a really loyal friend or may not even be your true friend. Obviously you/your feelings don't matter to him/her. Some people may argue that your friend becoming friends with your enemy shouldn't affect your friendship with that friend but I think realistically it's very hard for you (or anyone) to be that detached emotionally from that fact. Your friend has very different values regarding friendship from you or he/she may simply not be your friend. You can't control what your friend does. At least now you know what he/she is like. Probably he/she doesn't deserve your friendship.

Yes my good friend in Runescape back in 2007 said he wanted to go pking in the wildy with me so I brought all of my expensive armor and when we got deep into the wilderness, he said hey look over there its zezima and i'm like omg where? then he knocked me in the head with his mace and it was instant KO. I was so upset that I lost my full bronze and my friend had betrayed me that I quit for a whole week.

Oh yeah my other friend Luv2Scam411 was offering to trim my rune armor for free and I was like heck yah so I gave him my armor but he logged off and I never saw him again.

Friends are backstabbers!

Yes I was betrayed by my best friend. Although I don't know if him being NT had much to do with it. More of a human nature thing I think.

Cant trust anyone on that game, i played it for like 9 years use to be so addicted to it before they started adding all those micro transaction updates..
And yeah i have been betrayed by a close friend before too.. She went as far as to steal hundreds of dollars from me then break into my house after i had let her and her kids live with me rent free for 6 months. It can be really hard to trust anyone anymore.. even family will stab you in the back sometimes these days.

That is one thing I have a lot of experience with is betrayal and free loaders.

I still play Runescape but not as much as I used to. Only really play it on the weekends nowadays. I cancelled my membership as well.

I was big into PvP, especially Clan Wars but the EOC killed off much of the playerbase. Theres wars on the weekends every once in a while but that's about it. I was big into video making as well and I put a ton of Clan Wars videos on Youtube.

Yes I've been betrayed by close friends, many times. Here's one that was not quite the same situation but similar.

A few years ago there was a blow up in a FB group I used to post in. This one girl was very two faced about it and acted really nice to me in the group. But in private messages she was started being really rude and nasty towards me. I told her to stop writing to me but she went on harassing me for a couple of days until I finally blocked her.

I was very upset about it and told a close friend what happened. She acted really weird about it. Basically told me she didn't want to take sides and wanted to stay friends with this other girl, and kind of brushed off my feelings about it.

At the same time, another woman in the group got offended at me over something I wrote on there. It wasn't anything mean or attacking her at all, just a differing opinion. But my friend decided that in order to make this woman feel better, she needed to tell this other woman all about my personal life, so she could understand where I was coming from. She asked my permission to do this but phrased it in a way so I felt like I would be the most horrible person ever if I didn't agree to it.

I was stunned. I was too upset to think it through so I agreed. But I really resented it because I really didn't want this other woman to know that much about me. Plus this women then started talking to me about some of that stuff my friend shared with her and it was VERY awkward.

What really got to me though is that my friend didn't give me any support when that one girl was deliberately insulting me and harassing me. BUT when someone else simply didn't like or agree with what I had to say, she wanted me to make a personal sacrifice to support that person. WTF?! ! It was just mind boggling and it felt SO unfair.

The way things converged when that happened, it was absolutely the worst time in my life and I haven't been the same since. I really needed some emotional support but there was no one there for me. I felt like a lot of people in that group were against me but it wasn't really clear why. Later I found out it was probably because of things my ex said about me behind my back.

I've written some other things about that friend here...she was a real piece of work so that was not the only problem I had with her. But that was what finally finished off our friendship. I tried to get over how I felt about it and stay friends with her but I just couldn't. Too much damage was done and she didn't even understand why.

I've realized since then that my friend was an extremely passive aggressive person, and so is my mother. And that's why this friendship did such a number on me, because it was so similar to the way my mother treats me. I went through all the same feelings about it. I wondered if I was overreacting, or if I interpreted things wrong.

But that's how passive aggressive people play their game. They do things that are hurtful, where it is completely normal that you feel hurt. But they do it in such a sneaky, underhanded way that you're not sure if you have the right to feel that way. They can get you to doubt your own perceptions of things. And they will do mean things behind your back but they make sure word will get back around to you in some way.

I agree with everything jk1 said. People have different values about friendship. I value loyalty very strongly. I am very loyal to people I care about and I want them also to be loyal to me. It's very hard for me to get past that if I feel betrayed.

Some people feel like they need to be friends with "everyone" and I've learned that is a big red warning flag for me to stay away from a person.

I have been betrayed by almost each "friend" I ever had:

The friends I had through my childhood (9-14) were always making fun of me when their other friends were present, especially the female friend of my. Her younger brother was not that mean but he didn't react when his other friend was making fun of me.

The girl I was friend with in 6th grade borrowed a bunch of money and toys from me and then moved out from the city to her mom. She never contacted me again although her younger sister and father were still living in our city so it was possible for her to at least return my stuffs through the sister.

The girl I befriended in 1st grade of middle school one day sat with another girl and pretended we never were friends in the first place.

In 2nd grade of middle school I heard the 2 girls I considered friends telling the whole class I am on my period and laughing about that. It was before even I got my 1st period so it was not only hurtful but also a blunt lie.

The boy I liked in middle school and considered a nice person took off my panties in front of the whole class because of some stupid bet he made with other guys.

But I also did some bad things to my friends:

I become a friend with two girls that my childhood friends hated and I was trying to make all 5 of us play together. They never agreed. Both sides told me they think my other friends suck and I couldn't understand why they can't like each other although I liked all of them.

I am guilty of speaking my mind out. If a friend didn't specify I am not allowed to say something to other people I could slip his secret without knowing I was not supposed to say so.

I was not only refusing party invitations (I was lonely wolf, I was never joining any teams) but also deliberately attacked my online friend during pvp events. I considered it fun. We often dueled out of pvp events so I supposed I am allowed to do it during the events too. But he was same level and better geared so at least I was not bullying him. Even though I had better battle strategy. LOL

This guy should have his throat sliced!

I don't think this is a bad thing. I think it's very good that you tried to get warring groups to play together. Don't feel bad for that! It's a beautiful quality to be a peacemaker.

dianthus: I understand exactly what you mean. It's that lack of loyalty and support from close friends that really gets to me too. Because, like you, I am loyal to my friends and expect the same in return. I know what you mean when you say you had no-one to support you and be on your side. That's exactly how I feel now... Like I can never trust anyone again. I have the horrible feeling that the other person who abused me is trying to hurt me by taking all my friends from me... people they would never have known if I hadn't introduced them.

It's getting to the point where I want to do a Greta Garbo and keep all my friends separate, so they don't band together and turn against me. Because that's the easy way out for NTs, it seems: Oust the Aspie.

One time, I was betrayed by an older Englishman from Yorkshire. We both went to the same clubhouse together at the time, and he no longer goes. I thought that I could tell him about a young staff person who was working at the clubhouse at the time and how she treated me one night. He took her side because he thought she was sexy. I was trying to explain to him how my AS makes things more of a challenge for me. His answer was "I don't care!" That was the end of that friendship. That was back in 2002 before WP existed.

I was betrayed by another friend that I used to have on Canada Day in 2009. Her, Barb and I were waking home from a nearby park at 4 in the afternoon that day, two hours past my tea time. I saw a bunch of mainstream teenagers dressed in the latest designer fashions who reminded me of the snots that I went to high school with. I flashed the backward peace-sign that means F-Off in England, saying- "Take this, Mainstream Society!" Ironically, that was the incident that motivated me to make a change for the better.

I was betrayed by a close friend that I grew up and went to school with. She always asked questions that made no sense for her age - such as "Would you pet a racoon?" "Would you pet a rattlesnake?" "Can I run faster than a train?" I know she can't help it and I sort of miss those questions, because they're a part of who she is. She phoned me one day and asked why Barb didn't want to be her friend, anymore. I've decided that it was time to be honest with her, instead of sugarcoating things like I did in the past. I told Chrissy that the reason Barb didn't want to be her friend anymore, was because of the questions that she asks her about the animals. Chrissy said, "But, they're not bad questions!....Why doesn't she like those questions?" I told her, "Why don't you ask her?" Chrissy phoned Barb and called her an as*hole. I phoned her the next day and called her out for calling Barb what she did. I haven't heard from her since. I don't feel betrayed because I haven't heard from her. I feel betrayed because of what she called Barb.

-- My best friend "denounced" me in front of the whole class on a school trip to DC when I was 12. She was turning to the popular crowd and I was too nerdy, although she didn't tell me that. She told me my personality was wrong. Since I did everything she wanted to, I'm pretty sure it was the new cool friends she was trying to impress.
-- My Girl Scout leaders also kicked me out for not being social enough (I just wanted to do Scout stuff, not fundraising -- I was burned out on fundraising after doing a lot of it. But I didn't want to go on expensive trips, just local camping). I had gotten a gold award and been in their troop for five years and in the Scouts for ten. That felt the same as what my friend did.
--I lost my best friend when her mother severed all ties with me because I didn't write a thank you letter for spending a week with them at the beach. I did once I knew it was expected, but she said it was too late, that it was "common courtesy" and I had missed my chance (she was French and we were living in the U.S., where I was told to thank people in person and had). I was 14 and had spent about 3 days a week at their house after school and on weekends for a year.

I think all this really messed me up. I have a lot of BPD tendencies I am working on. I have misinterpreted signs as this happening again, and lost friends because I overreacted. But now I just stay away from people who give signs that they value their own pride -- and ambition -- over people.

*hugs* I'm sorry this is happening to you. You can PM me if you want to talk to someone.

Some people, if they can't find a way to hurt you directly, will try to abuse by proxy through another person. I hope that's not what is happening. I think it is one of the cruelest things a person can do, to turn people against each other who would otherwise be friends. However, if people are turned that easily, they're not true friends...or at least, not ready to be your true friends (possible they could have a change of heart later).

I went through another situation, which I've written about here before so I won't go through the whole story again, but a friend suddenly turned against me, banned me from his forum and basically turned the whole forum against me. This went on for several years, but eventually my friend apologized for it and we reconciled.

The other situation I wrote about above was worse partly because the people tried to cover it up with phony niceness. But essentially they were scapegoating me all the same. It was a real mindf**k. I had to finally realize: it's not me, it's them. That is the opposite of what I had been taught to believe in groups like that.

In a way I'm grateful for it all, because it made me dig down really deep to where I can just say f**k these people, write them off and walk away. No matter who it is, my best friend, the love of my life, even my mother(!)...if the person hurts me, and they are not taking any real responsibility for their actions, I'm done. I won't try to reason with people or sort things out anymore.

I think the betrayal I have experienced from other people was both a reflection of, and a direct result of, my betrayal of my own feelings and my own perceptions, doubting myself, not trusting myself, and not trusting my own instincts about things. The one person you really need to trust is yourself.

A few years ago one of my friends that I grew up with and spent a lot of time with (for about a decade) told me he was leaving to join the USMC. Only heard from him once since, and haven't seen him at all.
It bothered me a little at first, but I don't care any more.

Aside from him, I've only had two close friends and I'm still on good terms with them now. One said he'd support me no matter what, and the other told me she thinks of me as her adopted son.

Nah. He was not a bad boy after all. What he did afterwards made the whole situation actually a good memory. I lost faith in everything for a while but he made me believe in humanity again.

I escaped from the classroom and hide in girls bathroom, to cry and plan how to never go to the school again. He found me there (it was considered a huge shame for a boy to enter a girls bathroom), said sorry, explained why he did that, admitted it was stupid and childish of him and assured me that noone seen anything because I reacted really fast. He ended up comforting me for another half of hour while skipping classes(he was a top student so he cared to attend all lessons) till I finally calmed down and decided I am not going to drop the school.

He never made fun of me again and we even become some sort of friends: we talked a lot while returning from school(we were living in same area) although he was ignoring me at school. And I think he prevented his friends from making fun of me because they bullied me much less when he was present.