Stood up for myself against the game players!

Post Reply New Topic

It's true I am looking at this from an outdated pre-internet perspective . As you and Lazar said, she may just have got a "better offer" as is common for young women on dating sites.

But even though you both made good arguments why I shouldn't jump to the conclusion of "she saw a red flag" ( I wrongly assumed 5 dates meant strong interest as it did back in my pre-internet dating days), I don't think it should be ruled out entirely. As documented here in L&D, the OP has a long history of being dropped after a few dates and even says that 5 is a new record. So the usual advice on how to make yourself more attractive both in person and in profile doesn't apply. He clearly already is attractive on both fronts to consistently get first and second dates. Why shouldn't he be the more attractive candidate that somebody else gets dropped for? I think anger management would help.

Brian relies on online dating and being dropped after few dates is standard in that, especially on the male side.
I mean what a girl on a dating site would do with all this abundance of male attention? She most probably just wants one bf, of course she will adopt a filtering strategy.

A 5th date means nothing in the online dating scenario unless it matured sexually -othetwise he's still just a candidate in screening process.

The 5th might be just a mere coincidence (ie no better candidate showed up before that), and even if he's more attractive than others, there's always someone out there more attractive than him (again the cheer number factor).

As I have explained clearly in the link, the component of "bonding" is completely missing in online dating; it's a market.

Lazar - You're perfectly entitled to set a not-hearing-from-someone-in-four-days = not interested-in-dating-you standard for people you've just started dating and barely know. Your life, your call.

The downside to a standard that, ummmm, let's call it exacting is that you are likely automatically ruling out rather a lot girls that you might otherwise "click" well with. Solely on the basis that their "internal timeline" for returning calls to guys they're interested in seeing again is set to, say, a week rather than 3-4 days.

It's 100% your call -- but a tiny bit of flexibility is worth considering.

Aspie Mike - Sending that kind of detail-seeking, way more accusatory than you probably intended it to be message to a girl you barely know... ugh. Just ugh.

To the rest of you mightbwanna rethink stuff like:

(1) insisting its "cheating" if a girl you've gone on 5 dates with doesn't return your call or is seeing other guys at the same time. If you haven't had a convo about dating exclusively AND both agreed to do so, you're probably setting yourself up to see all girls as evil/cheaters for not living up to your UNSPOKEN (and to some, like me, but by no means all girls) standards.

Every single girl will fail your secret test, as she won't know she's being subjected to it!

(2) leaving an angry, more aggressive that you likely intended message for the girls who don't return your call after your 5th date within 4 days... rethink it, please rethink it. If for no other reason than you don't want to be That Scary Guy. The girl may well remember how creepy that message was and mention it to her friends if ever one of them mentions the possibility of going on a date with you.

(I've done this. A bunch of times. And I live in a city of 4ish million. Sound traves faster than light).

(3) Consider that folks date to get to know each other. That you can have 4 fun dates with a girl and then she decides the 5th wasn't so fun and doesn't wanna see you again... even if you've done nothing "wrong".

Obsessing over ehat you may have done wrong will drive you crazy and have zero impact on the outcome.

(4) Just because you've pushed Ms. Only Five Dates for a reason why she isn't interested in Date 6, and she's answered, does NOT mean that the answer you've got is true. You'll likely just get a platitude ("too busy") you can't verify. Even if you DID something wrong, the girl is unlikely to TELL you what it was -- "dismissive to the waiter", "too fond of a Miley Cyrus song", "way too handsy".

(5) Stop high giving each other for being "brave" to tell this guy he was right to leave an angry message on the girl who dared not want a 6th date with him's voicemail. Let. It. Go.

Not providing a simple answer like "busy" in 4 days is rude, and you don't want to date rude girls, so it's better to dump her. That of course only applies to dating. It doesn't apply to other ways of getting to know a girl.



I'd call it cheating and anybody that did that to me would be permanently a "non-person".

It's your decision to be like that, and you will miss out on many serious guys you might be compatible with.



No, they won't.



Anger is a great way of killing attachments, so it's a good idea. You don't necessarily need to express it towards the girl herself, but writing it here on WP isn't a bad idea. Gets some of the steam out.



Yeah, and gossipers are not relationship material.

I think you are right about that, which makes it useless for finding a long-term partner.

Whoa there, wrathful!

The text I highlighted in bold is 100% correct. And this is what I've been trying to say ALL ALONG IN THIS WHOLE FREAKIN THREAD.

If you are interested in someone you just started dating and they suddenly disengage without explanation, then the most reasonable and most likely assumption is that they're not interested in you and the best thing for you is to MOVE ON. If sending a final message venting your frustration with their sudden silence is what works best for you and it doesn't contain any threats to them and you don't expect a response is what helps you break any feelings of attachment then more power to you. However, I would deign to agree that being angry about it makes you look bad and you should be as succinct, concise, and calm in your final transmission.

She didn't owe him an explanation for her sudden silence, but he doesn't owe her any more of his time or interest. In fact, even though his message was perhaps angry and rude he is under no obligation to be polite than she is(which she wasn't).

And FYI: The kind of girls I click well with are NOT the kind of girls who would suddenly cease all communication with me when things appear to be going well nor would they ever ghost me for any reason. I click well with women who are direct and considerate of my feelings most of the time without needing to resort to rudeness unless they are extremely pissed off. And since I don't "play the field", I don't care to date women who do. You are the one who used the term "cheating"; not I. I honestly don't see why you're so damn butthurt....It's not like you have a dog in this fight or anything. Let. It. Go. You say? Why don't you practice what you preach for once in your life. I really have nothing more to say in this thread so it's pretty much an echo chamber for you posts aimed at me now.