If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

Post Reply New Topic

Building a mutual relationship prior to asking a girl out makes a better relationship, so I've heard.

"Lack of this foundation becomes a greater and greater obstacle as you grow up and lag farther and farther behind your peers socially, all but guaranteeing you'll never break out of your isolation, and will never qualify for any kind of interaction other than the bare minimum required by study and work, and being taken advantage of and bullied."

I'm 53 and I have not found that to be true. It seems I am able to fit in better than I did when I was younger. As people lose friends as they get older they feel more lonely. And the experience I have gained and what people I've known add up over time.

No you are not too old for a girlfriend. Being in a relationship is not a life requirement. Do things that you enjoy and make you happy. I think you believe that having a girl will make you feel happy. Maybe that will or maybe it will not. Mostly rely on yourself to make you happy.

About the bitterness towards women, don't feel that way. Not all women are bad. Just because a female did not return your feelings does not make her a bad person. I am sure there was a girl you once turned down because she was not your type.

Remember having a girlfriend won't make your life easier. Being in a relationship makes your life harder. I don't mean picking up girls is hard, I mean being in a long term relationship is hard. Trying to sync too different lives, the lack of privacy, the lack time to do your own thing. Being in a relationship is extremely time consuming so if you already feel like you don't have enough hours in the day getting a girlfriend might make this worse.

if you find yourself on a deserted island being bitter about it won't make your situation worse. like wise if no woman will even talk to you being bitter about no women talking to you wont' make women who dont' talk to you and there fore don't know your bitter talk to you less then the 0 they currently talk to you.

yeah confidence comes from success, if you never had any you won't have confidence.

ever attempt to better my life is just be little by women. so its pointless. makes me feel a little better to hear from others that if they were in my situation they'd given up a long time ago, but only a little better.

I'm coming to hate hope. its a lie that causes us to drag on and get further depressed, avoiding the realty.

I enjoy being in a relationship. I enjoy hugging, cuddling, and sex. how can I do those without a female or relationship?

90% of the women in my area are bad. so yeah not all women just the majority of them. the news blames all white people for the actions of one but we can't blame most women for the actions of most women?

Ive turned down for not finding them attractive. I've been turned down for not being attractive which sucks, but I get it and for not being compatible interest and personality wise. but i hate being turned down for superficial reasons like most women do to men. thats not a type, type is looks, personality, and itnersts,. objects and wanting super model looks is superficial. those things don't make a person who they are. you should love a person for who they are. so if you can't love them when they poor you don't deserve them rich. ask yourself if he lost everything. lost all his money, house, care, clothes, everything would you stay with him? if yes then why does his job and money income matter. if no you're superficial and never liked the guy. its that simple. I do as I preach. I don't care so much about body shape or money or job. I look for personality, intersts, and compatiblitly. none of that needs money.

sorry you're only experience is girl you don't much like but stay with because you don't' want to be alone and want relationship experience so you can get a better girl. that's why you're relationship makes your life harder. being with a girl you really like and enjoy being around and want to be with forever makes life better.

^ you are right Sly but if I can overcome my inherent shallowness I might stay with her.

Yeah, which is why you need to stop all those maladaptive behaviors where you are rejected (online dating, trying to talk to random stranger girl).

That's another maladaptive behavior: Getting into a relationship just for practice. There will come absolutely nothing good out of that.

and let's say I finally do become well-established, have my life together in my 30's, I hope I refuse to give women a chance, if I get hit on by 20-something women, I will reject them by saying "f**k YOU b*****s, WHY SHOULD I GIVE YOU A CHANCE WHEN YOU WOULDN'T DATE ME WHEN I WANTED TO DATE YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?"

What a useless thing to do. The women that reject you know will not be the one you are rejecting then.

I am sick of this whole 'work on yourself, work on your life and establish yourself' B.S.

In my humble opinion these are what I have to say:

Put it this way: It's lonely at the top.

There are plenty of famous millionaires and celebrities that suffer from misery and depression, and end up going to drugs and alcohol to get rid of the pain.

As a young teenage male, that's 90% of the advice I get. "Focus on your own life, find yourself, etc."

and I'm tired of it.

I already AM doing this, I already am being my BEST self. Already working my hardest in life. Already my most healthiest, happiest, confident, talented, hard-working, friendly, social, outgoing, etc.

Is it too much to ask for some advice on how to also pursue friendships AND relationships?

I am actually quite confident aspie with decent social skills.

My only problem is LONELINESS, which gives me DEPRESSION. But I only become depressed because of my loneliness.

I've got plenty to do in my spare time. My hobbies and interests, music, writing, video games, acting, I have friends who I use to live in the same city with but we live in different places but I speak to them online, I study sometimes, etc. but I'm just LONELY LONELY LONELY.

And, yes, being in a relationship WILL make me happy. I don't just want a relationship, I'd like human attention. Just someone, anyone nice to hang out with outside of school. I have no one except my friends in other cities. No one to hang out with outside of school, on the weekend. I can't just call someone and ask them to come over for a visit like other people my age can. If my problem is loneliness due to lack of positive human attention, then yes, a relationship OR friendship would make me happy. One or both will.

But anyway, like I said, it's lonely at the top.

I have my hobbies and interests but I do not want to let it be the only things in life I focus on.

I think we all SHOULD be focusing on our social lives just as much as any other aspects of our lives. Our social life is a piece of the puzzle, why should we just ignore it?

You COULD spend ALL your time focusing on other areas of your life. You COULD forget about making friends, or having a relationship, and just spend all your time on health/fitness, family, work, hobbies, etc.

But all these things will just be a TEMPORARY DISTRACTION to a LONG-TERM PROBLEM.

This is what I think of my hobbies/interests.

Sure, I might have fun spending my entire weekend completely alone, at home. I might play video games, work on my stories, work on my music, study or do chores. I might have a lot of fun and completely forget about all the problems in the world just for one brief moment.

But then I wake up and realize, gºddamit I am lonely...

So, in my humble opinion, this is what I had to say.

Want to just pretend you aren't lonely or sad and do things that make you happy, only to end the day sad realizing you did it alone not because you WANTED to, but because you HAD to?

Be my guest...It's lonely at the top...

I'd rather focus on my social life, work on being kind to others, actually meeting people, making friends, even working for charity organizations and helping the poor or homeless, instead of just sitting behind some computer learning programming or whatever to be selfishly trying to become some self-made millionaire while happier people actually go out into the world and be kind to each other to make it a better place.

Life's not worth buying into this selfish, capitalist, consumer-based society. Screw owning a business or being a CEO or millionaire or making a name for yourself. I don't care about being famous or 'making a mark' on the world or being 'influential' in some way. I just want to love and be loved...

If I was in my 30s and I got hit on by 20-something women, I would totally not reject them.

It worked for me, after I lost 100 lbs, quit my job and got a higher paying job, I had more success with girls. Self-improvement makes one more attractive.Yeah but at your age you're not expected to be well established in your career. Some people might expect you to have a basic job but that's optional. At your age you're on an even footing with rival guys and with girls you may like. You're all equally wealthy and almost all of you have the same income (zero). You don't have to worry about quitting your job in hopes of getting a higher paying job in a long shot gamble to make girls like you like I did.

It's actually a lot easier at your age. You're not expected to have experience. If you get something wrong, girls find your naivety cute. For us 27 year olds, girls just find our naivety inept.

The secret I discovered later in life, the secret I wish I knew when I was your age is that you shouldn't think girls are doing you a favour by going on a date. Remember that girls like guys just as much as guys like girls, both physically and emotionally. Don't be afraid to make physical contact because if you don't, the girl you're dating will think you're a cold fish. Until I was about 26 or so, I thought that girls hated all intimate contact and that I had to convince them to let me do something they hate. This is not how it works.I don't know, there have been some pretty rocky relationships. Even the best ones require effort and take time away from playing video games. Also it's difficult when she moves in with you. I have to spend four to six hours alone every day or I get stressed out.No, when you expand your income and lose weight (if needed) girls like you more. It worked for me. Hobbies aren't strictly necessary but they can still give you some optional bonus points. For example the last girl I was dating played video games and seemed to like that I play video games. She said it gave us something in common.

One mistake I have made is to see a girl and attach myself to her and immediately think of her as a girl friend. Then when she doesn't respond in the way I expect her to I think, what can I do to get her to respond? Then I blame her for the lack of relationship.

The fact is she is not attracted to me and the relationship was only in my head. You should talk to a girl to feel out what her feelings are toward you. Just because she looks like your dream girl doesn't mean you'll be her dream guy. You will be disappointed yes. But nothing comes from trying to make someone love you.