If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

Page 19 of 52 [ 824 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 ... 52 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia

29 Jun 2015, 4:44 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

ya that's why I've often felt, I think I said this already, I feel if I ever do get a girlfriend and i'm out there with her in public, holding hands, and I see all these younger couples out there kissing, holding hands, it will bring back the pain, bitterness, resentment of what I missed out on earlier.

Yeah, on the occasions when I was with her in public, holding hands (she insisted), seeing younger couples... but disregarding age it also bothered me all the times when I saw thinner couples. She insisted on going to Chinatown once and there were a lot of thinner couples there. It was just my luck to be dating the world's fattest Asian girl

WantToHaveALife wrote:

I have an Aunt who recently got married for the first time ever in her life, being in her 50's, her husband is the same age as her, they have been together since 2008, and I remember my Aunt telling me that he said to her one time "I wish we met 20 years ago"

I know right? All these people say "you're never too old to find live" but when you get older, when you pair up when you're older, it means you've spent a significant fraction of your adult life alone. Maybe a quarter, maybe half, etc.

And the second half of adult life isn't all that great. If your adult life lasts from 20 to 80, the half from 50 to 80 isn't really the best years for coupling or any other activity aside from lawn bowls. Even if you meet someone at 30, it means you just missed out on the best decade of your life. In the likely event that she's the same age as you, it means you've missed out on the best decade of her life. The decade when she was pretty.

I could have met some girl when I was 18 or 19 or 20 at college. If I'd gone to college that is. I should've gone to college but I was too lazy :wall:

_________________
The days are long, but the years are short

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

29 Jun 2015, 4:46 pm

What's in the past is in the past. Regrets are worthless. You have to think about the future in the present.

Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

29 Jun 2015, 5:25 pm

While I agree you shouldn't spend much time regretting the past, I'm not sure I understand why people insist so much on that, and it's always made me feel pressured not to value what I missed out on, with the implication that I shouldn't, either, try to learn from that (non-)experience, because, since it didn't matter that I missed out on all those parts of life, neither should it matter for me to keep missing every single future chance I might still have. After all, what is now in the future will sooner or later be in the past, so there'll be no reason to regret missing out on it. Might as well just keep slowly wasting the rest of your life away, because, how can you justify any attempt to start getting the most out of what is left of it?

RetroGamer87 wrote:

I could have met some girl when I was 18 or 19 or 20 at college. If I'd gone to college that is. I should've gone to college but I was too lazy :wall:

Don't worry so much about that---it's entirely possible to go to college and still remain a complete outcast :twisted:

_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.

RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia

29 Jun 2015, 5:55 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

Don't worry so much about that---it's entirely possible to go to college and still remain a complete outcast :twisted:

Good point. Now I feel a little better

I keep thinking if only I'd done this or that differently my life would be a perfect story book and I'd have a white picket and 2.4 cats but if I'd done this or that differently my life would still be imperfect.

Who knows. Maybe I even did a few things right.

_________________
The days are long, but the years are short

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

29 Jun 2015, 6:00 pm

Never had a white picket fence. Lived in apartments (flats) most of my life.

I once had six cats.

WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,018
Location: California, United States

29 Jun 2015, 7:06 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

ya since unfortuneately our sex drive declines with age, our bodies become less tight and energetic for sex

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

29 Jun 2015, 7:09 pm

I'm 54, and my sex drive hasn't diminished one iota.

It can get really frustrating on the subway. People can't afford rooms--so the indulge on the train!

Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

29 Jun 2015, 9:53 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.

Non_Passerine
Sea Gull

Joined: 20 Jul 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 241

29 Jun 2015, 10:23 pm

Peacesells wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.

Then why waste your romantic energy on someone you don't want to keep? What if you don't land another romantic partner?

314pe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Sep 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,013

30 Jun 2015, 1:54 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:

but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Well, then save your time, skip the first girlfriend and start dating the second one.

StackedAces
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 6 Oct 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 6

30 Jun 2015, 4:14 am

Heck no. 27 isn't even all that old.

RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia

30 Jun 2015, 5:53 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Never had a white picket fence. Lived in apartments (flats) most of my life.

It sounds like you have the right idea. I hate gardening. I should try apartment life sometime. So long as I can get used to keeping the noise down. I might have to wear headphones all the time.

WantToHaveALife wrote:

ya since unfortuneately our sex drive declines with age, our bodies become less tight and energetic for sex

Are you sure sex drive declines with age? As for energy, I have far more of it now than I did when I was 20. I was really unhealthy back then. I weighed 300 lbs and that wasn't my only problem.

kraftiekortie wrote:

It can get really frustrating on the subway. People can't afford rooms--so the indulge on the train!

Your trains must be different in America. In none of the cities in Australia have I witnessed people having sex on the train.

_________________
The days are long, but the years are short

WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,018
Location: California, United States

30 Jun 2015, 8:41 am

Peacesells wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.

So most people don't marry their first boyfriend or first girlfriend, and I believe that's a good thing, it helps to experience and explore, get to know different people so you know what you want in a partner

Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

30 Jun 2015, 12:41 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.

It seems to me that you don't really want to have a gf, you just want to be like "most people" maybe. Being closed to the chance of her being wife material is pretty stupid and also cruel towards her, basically you just want to use her for, ehm, "experience". If you find someone that truly loves you, you really shouldn't do such a thing.

nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

30 Jun 2015, 1:01 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

ProfessorJohn wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

^^ I second that.

Ya, I want to be able to remove that bitterness and resentment, jealousy, its just I consider those years I missed out on to be the innocent puppy love years

I have had to work on these issues recently in therapy myself. One of the most obvious things, but something that is hard to admit, is that you can't change the past. The best we can do is to try and improve the present and the future. At least I now know what the problem was, and that not having a girlfriend until the late 20s is pretty typical for Aspies. All we generally see is NTs and how their lives are, and it is hard to not compare ourselves to them.

However, there is hope! I finally did get a girlfriend when I was 29. Would I have liked to have one earlier-I think so, although being single did allow me to do other things in live, like finish graduate school, without having to try and balance that with relationships. Probably a good thing since I have never really liked studying and put forth a lot of effort in that area.

The point is, it is never too late to start dating and relationships. I have had a couple of NT friends who didn't get married until they were in their 40s.

i hate it when people use the argument for people who did not get married until much later in life, because getting married is different from getting a boyfriend/girlfriend, or in this case, your first ever boyfriend/girlfriend, because getting your first ever boyfriend/girlfriend, relationship, is a milestone in any persons life, just like getting married is, but getting married is a different milestone, but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

What if your first gf is the perfect one for you? You're just going to toss her away after you're done with her? Whatever happens, I sure do feel sorry for whoever the poor soul is that winds up being your first since you already have your mind made up of how things are going to go.

_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

sly279
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

30 Jun 2015, 1:06 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.

personally I'd love to marry my first gf, that would mean we were a good match. I'd rather only have had one lover meaning it worked out then have a bunch of exes that didn't work out. though I'm not out to be like all the other people with their tons of past bad relationships.

Page 19 of 52 [ 824 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 ... 52 Next

Jump to:

If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late? Post Reply New Topic

If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?