Rants

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My aunt tried to persuade me to come and visit me AND bring my mother along
Apparently my mother isn't doing very well with this not knowing how I'm doing situation, and neither does my aunt. Making me feel guilty.
One thing is for sure, who ever is comming to visit me will never know how I'm really doing. I can pretend and hide for an hour or two. I have too much pride. I'm going down with this ship.
I don't owe anyone anything!

I landed on a definite no. I took photos of the apartment and sent my aunt, she will show them to my mother. I'm somehow capable of just suppressing the hurt I'm doing to them. I just don't think about it. I'm a grown person, I can choose if I want to have contact with my parents or not. I might not make it on my own, but I'm sure as hell going down trying

Seems like I'm going down with this ship too (wp).

It's the strangest thing with my mother. She has literally nothing to give. She seems to be dependent on me to survive. Me giving to her, or at least knowing that I'm fine. I have always felt she needs to know I'm fine, that's all. Apart from that I have no value as my own person. I have never felt she loves me, although she says so. I can feel more love from people I barely know.

She has a lot of friends though, and she has a partner. How can she be doing that bad really. Still I think she is an alcoholic.

We might slowly go under apart from each other, but I would certainly go under if I had contact with her.

Maybe I'll join up with her later in life, and we can be drinking buddies Oh, and my brother can join too. I think he drinks a lot these days (My father is an alcoholic too, but he lives 8 hours by car away, so I don't think he can join)

Someone I thought was a good friend upset me quite a bit over the past two days.

We started talking on a vaping forum, and got on quite well. I met him and his wife with my ex partner in London in the winter, as they was going to a concert. I usually find it hard to speak to new people, but found we got on well, probably where we had spoken for a long time on the forums.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I live in Essex in the UK, he lives in Birmingham. It is about a 4 hour train journey from my house to his, plus buses, so around 5 hours in total.

I was going to go up there for a while, but it is very far and my Mum was worried, and also due to my medication and things it was best I didn't go.

At first, he seemed fine with it, but then his wife started messaging me on facebook getting nasty, and he got funny as well.

They went as far to say my fiancee of 6 years was no longer with me due to me and my Mum not letting me do things. We actually split up because she was on drugs and I tried to help her for a long time but she got deeper into addiction.

I had known them for quite a while, but that actually hurt me quite a lot.

I agree about the "auto driving" concept. It's lazy and even creepy.

How about something to make slower traffic keep right?

It's sobering to realise how very, very f****d up I am.

Yay me!

Let's face it, there's no other way for me to be sober.

New is scary.

And I'm hopeless.
And stupid.
And you won't talk to me.

Nope.
Switching off now.
Not listening to you.

Maybe I could put a hole in my head.
To make your words fall out.

Time for a rant!! !

Mother f****r!! ! The electrical problem with me having to turn of the lights and the electric radiator to vaccum is not easy to solve. Well it can be solved in a different way, but I don't know. Also why am I attracted to these young guys.. It's creepy!! ! The electrician was really hot

I skiped sleep last night and I'm wating for a woman to come and buy the sewing machine. She will come sometime between 15.30 pm - 18.00 pm. I can't start drinking before she has been here Or maybe I could just have a small glass.

I'm exhausted and hyper

Everyone.... has flaws. And it sucks.... that they have flaws.

And it sucks to find out that the people you know, the people you love and look up to because you thought they were so nice and perfect and really care about you...

are actually kind of douches.

But, I suppose everyone has some douche in them.

I hope my dad doesn't leave me hanging like he did to my brother.

And, that he would lie to me about that... I really trusted him. I kinda see why my mom doesn't like him.

And I really, really hope.. I really hope that my mommala cares about me, even if I'm not her top priority.

A long time ago, I really thought that everyone in our family was really really perfect.

But now I see that that's not the case. And a lot of them really, really hate each other. And are really mean about it.

I don't like hatred. I'm really sick of hatred.

I just wanna be around a bunch of people who love each other... or at least, are honest about the fact that they don't like each other.

resources, the word or the use of it, is hilarious
to me
sorry

refreshing, another victim of re-abuse
something is fresh,or it isn't, refreshed is what?

What am I going to do. My life is over
My life has been WP, and wp is now dieing, dead
Please, I don't want to keep living this life
Please make it stop
Take me away from here

There is no escape
There is no escape
There is no escape
Take me away from here